Post # 1
I’m not even half way through yet and the baby shower bs is already starting. This is nothing but a vent.
My Mother calls me yesterday to discuss the fact that she has had multiple requests regarding my baby shower. (Mind you I’m 18 weeks pregnant and the baby isn’t due for 5 months) My Mother wants me to pick a date and do most of the planning of this event. Since I own an event planning business, I don’t mind. Plus I get deals with venues and things since I have relationships already. However, since I’ve had multiple miscarriages I told her I would pick a date after my next ultrasound, which is this Tuesday. She got upset with me that I still think about losing the baby and told me to “get over it” which did not sit well and made me super upset. However, after I started crying she apologized.
Then today DH’s father calls him to tell him that on May 19th he is throwing me a surprise shower for just “the family”. He means just his family. DH’s Mom and him are divorced and he is remarried. However, his family members still talk to DH’s Mom, so they all come together for our family events all of the time. Darling Husband said nothing to his Dad. This made me mad.
Why can’t I have one baby shower? I have ONE family and so will this baby. Not 3 different families.
Then my sister sends me a msg telling me that one of my friends told her she is going to throw me a separate shower for that particular “friends circle”. WTF!?!?!?
I’m so annoyed. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but what the heck!!!
Post # 3
I would simply contact all 3 people and stress that it would be easier and more convenient for everyone to hold only one shower. While you appreciate the effort, you hope they can come together and plan one singular event vs. multiple. And as far as what your mom said, I’m apalled and very sorry – it’s perfectly acceptable and understandable for you to be aprehensive after having a miscarriage in the past, so she really shouldn’t have said that. Hope things work out.
Post # 4
UGH!!!! I’ve had issues with mine too! I just got told something this morning about how inconvenient it is for everyone else bc I didn’t want to push the shower date back to when I’m 37 weeks. We have other events for the home I’m working around & just preferred not being “term” when I have the shower & well my mother didn’t think aboutplanning anything until last week! (28 weeks) lol
Oh the joys of dealing with others! :/
Sorry your mom said what she did… That was way out of line! And doesn’t everyone realize the shower is for YOU?! What is it with people doing things for others only on their terms & conveniences? Grr
(((hugs))) for the stress
Post # 5
Thanks ladies. I just found out the way they are currently planned, which I do plan to stop, is I would have a shower on May 6th, 12th, and 19th. I’m due 6/13. So the last few weekends of my pregnancy I would be attending a shower every weekend. Sounds great! :-p
@runsyellowlites: I don’t get how people complain about things. If you can’t go great. Then don’t. Stop complaining! It’s suppose to be a happy moment!
Post # 6
I’m going to suggest that as a guest i would rather be at one of three smaller showers than at one huge shower. When I attend a shower I want to have time to socialize with you and the other guests.. When I buy a gift, I want you to have time to open it, look at it, make eye contact with me and exchange a few pleasantries about the gift.
I also think it is more fun for the guests if they know the others who are attending-e.g family, work colleagues, church members etc.
I have attended showers with 50+ guests and frankly they were boring. At one the bride took the whole event just to open the gifts. There was no time for socializing . At another the bride didn’t even open the gifts. We might as well have had them delivered to her home from the store.
I can’t think of a nicer way to spend the last weekends before delivery than visiting with the people who love me and want to share in the joy of welcoming the baby.
Post # 7
@mwitter80: I’m sorry your mom was hurtful, that must have really stung. I haven’t been in this situation yet (I didn’t even have a wedding shower), but most people I know have multiple showers. It seems like a lot of people have a work shower, a friend shower, and a family shower, or some combo thereof. But I don’t think you should be responsible for planning 3 showers, either!
I know you said you and baby have one family, but does that one family all get together for every holiday or birthday? If so, I think it’s reasonable that all sides of your family combine for a shower. But if not, and if there are tensions or complications, it might be a more enjoyable experience to let the events be separate.
I kind of have to side with Jules on the points that a) as a guest, it’s more enjoyable to be at a smaller event with people you know, where you can actually talk to the mom to be, and b) that spending time with the family and friends you are closest to a month prior to the birth should be a fun thing, shouldn’t it? If it’s a matter of scheduling, then speak up and say if a date just doesn’t work for you, or you would like them to be earlier in the year. Or if an additional shower or two are a burden to you, just say no thank you to the hosts, and I’m sure guests would gladly either mail you a gift or just tell you congrats next time they see you.
Post # 8
@julies1949: If you added up all of the people it would probably be right around the 50 person mark if everyone attended. My shower would consist of family and then friends only. All of these people already know each other. I own my own business and have one employee who is my relative. I am not involved in any other outside groups.
For me I would like to spend my last few weekends with my husband and bonus son. Making sure that we are ready and prepared for this baby. We are also planning a little baby moon about a month before I am due as well.
Post # 9
I get smaller, seperate baby showers. It’s so the guests feel more comortable amongst their friends and collegues. It really is more of a hassle for the people arranging it than it is for the guest of honor arriving.
3 baby showers = you’re very loved! People all around you are so excited for you and your little one that they want to do this for you. Sit back, enjoy … you will be showered in gifts. It’s nice.
Post # 10
An update: DH’s father actually came around, and decided that it makes more sense to have everyone together.
@MerryC: To answer your question about does everyone come together? kind of….DH’s father, his wife, DH’s brother and his fiance, are Jehovah Witness’, so they don’t attend anything but wedding or baby related things. DH’s Mom and her family do attend holidays with my family. FIL’s family (his siblings) also attend holidays at my house as well. So for everyone it’s really normal to get together and everyone knows each other well. The only person who doesn’t know every one as well is is FIL’s wife.
Post # 11
@mwitter80: Glad it all worked out! (at least on the family side) Sorry it was stressful in the interim.
Post # 12
@mwitter80: ugh I’m glad you updated and that DH’s dad came around. Fiance and I dont have children yet, but I am not looking forward to the ‘3 separate families’ thing, which you posted about above. I feel as though once people think it is 3 separate groups, it stays that way forever! Hopefully things will be different now with your LO. How stressful!