Post # 1
- Wedding: November 2015 - City, State
FYI this is gonna be long.
Back story: My sisters are helping throw me a baby shower. After lots of drama the location is going to be at my new house… My Mother-In-Law originally offered to host at her house but I told her how my sister wanted her fiance to be there (which I thought was fair since my sister is contributing towards my shower) but my Mother-In-Law wanted ladies only and did not feel comfortable having men at the shower, so I had to reject my MIL’s offer and just wanted to forget the whole thing. My sisters and husband still wanted to have a shower for me so we landed on doing it at my new house. My mother-in-law is going to be taking care of all the food and some of the decor and other things like folding tables, drink dispenser, etc. Sisters took care of invites, some decor, paper products, cake, games, favors, etc. and they already bought me a very generous gift.
Then, my sisters wanted me to invite my Dad to my baby shower. I never specifically told my sisters it was going to be ladies only and I considered doing a co-ed shower for a split second but realized that would double the guest list and I didn’t want to just pick and choose and have only my family member’s males there. I was fine allowing my sister’s fiance to come, since again I thought that was fair but that was the only guy that was going to be there in my mind. My husband doesn’t want to be there during the shower but he will come at the end which I told my sister.
So I invited my Dad and he has to work that weekend and then my sisters got upset that I didn’t change the date so that he could come. We had a gender reveal party a few months ago which was co-ed and it was a huge hit so I’m guessing maybe this has something to do with their reasoning. But I told my sister that her fiance will be the only guy there and she doesn’t care. The date is also one that works best for my Mother-In-Law since she is having surgery the week after my shower and she will be out of town the 2-3 weeks before my shower. I feel like I can’t win and I just wish everyone could remember it’s supposed to be a shower for me & my baby girl. I don’t think I’m being that unreasonable here but maybe I am and I just don’t see it.
I don’t know what I’m hoping to get out of this I’m just posting to vent I guess. Anyone else have any baby shower drama?
Post # 2
MrsGirlyGirl : the sister doesn’t care that he will be the only guy there, but I haven’t seen how HE would feel anywhere in the post. Has she asked him how he would feel about being the only guy at the party?
Why is she insisting that he come, or is he the one insisting?
What do YOU want? I think it’s tricky because they are the ones planning the party but you are in charge of inviting your dad?
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable and your reasoning about ladies only makes sense. It’s weird to me that your sister is insisting on bringing her fiancé with her
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2019 - Cortland, NY
Is your Mother-In-Law one of your VIPs? Can you simply NOT imagine this special day without her?
This is going to be tackled much like a wedding. List out your VIPs – the people you cannot live without – and go around THEIR schedules. If people can’t come, people simply can’t come.
That’s just the way it is lol
Post # 4
MrsGirlyGirl : do your sisters not like your MIL?
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
You are not being unreasonable at all. Why does your sister want her husband there so badly? Wouldn’t he feel funny being the only male? I don’t understand that at all. It’s your baby shower, why so much drama. My goodness.
Post # 6
- Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse
Why does your sister’s Fiance have to be there? I’ll be really blunt. Men don’t care about showers and don’t want to go.
I would mention to everyone invited that the guys are invited to come hang out after or something, but you shouldn’t have to double your invited bc one of your guests wants men to come.
I’ve been to some casual showers where later in the shower or right when it starts winding down the dad to be and close make family show up and just hang out.
At the end of the day it’s your shower and you should get the final say!
Post # 7
1. The sister’s fiance attending is a non-issue. She wants him there, you agreed, end of story at this point. Drop it. I don’t know why this is taking up so much focus of the story as it has zero bearing on whether other men are invited. Just because you invite one man doesn’t mean you have to invite them all or even consider it. It also doesnt mean you can’t invite some men on the basis of relationships (like future grandfathers), but exclude others with a less close relationship or relationship only by marriage. Consider her fiance as allowing the co-host an exception since she is throwing the party and stop worrying about him being the only man there.
2. Your mother-in-law is co-hosting this. Even though she is no longer having it at her house, she is still a co-host. She is paying for all of the food, taking care of various logistics like where people will sit and eat, and doing some decor. So other than you being the guest of honor, her schedule is the second most important one since she is the one subsidizing large parts of this party. If your sisters can’t recognize that, and refuse to suck it up and shut up, then they can pay her back any money lost and make their own arrangements for food and seating and decor and be the ones to tell the future grandmother to piss off. Otherwise again they can suck it up. Tell them that if necessary.
3. Your sisters were the ones who were in charge of the invites. Clearly your dad wasn’t a priority since he wasn’t the very first thing at the top of all of your minds. I don’t say that to be mean. I’m just saying that had he been a priority guest at your shower, no dates would have been picked without checking with him first and this wouldn’t have been an “all of a sudden they decided it would be a good idea and want it to happen” sort of thing. Would it be nice if he was there as the future grandparent? Sure. It has nothing to do with his gender. But thems the breaks. The fact of the matter is you can’t plan a party that works for everyone. Since your father wasn’t a VIP from the start and presumably he was at your gender reveal, you’re just going to have to be okay with that and you’re going to have to tell your sisters to suck it up and be okay with that since MIL’s schedule takes precedence here. Not every party has to be everything to everyone. If your family members who couldn’t attend want to throw you something a little extra or get together and celebrate with you separately they can certainly do so.
This really doesn’t have to be that hard. It mostly just needs to involve you telling your sisters to stop being drama llamas. They seem to be at the root of every so-called issue that’s coming up.
Post # 8
It sounds like your mother in law is predominately paying for this party. She should get the say as to who is invited and where it should be held. Your sisters are doing a much smaller part for the party and the gift they are giving is completely seperate from any party discussions. I would ask, why are they involving you at all?
Post # 9
annabananabee : lol agree, her sisters need to stop being “llama dramas”. “They can suck it up and shut up” . Yes, exactly….
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2015 - City, State
Sansa85 : I’m not sure how HE feels since he and I are not very friendly at all. I made it clear to my sister he will be the only guy there and he must be okay with that. I know he just wants to be anywhere she is, they’re always with each other. I think they are both just assuming he be there rather than insisting. I personally did not want any men there since I think it’ll be odd having just one there. Like I either wanted to do co-ed or none at all and co-ed just seemed like too many people to feed and all of the showers I’ve been to have been ladies only.
megm1099 : Yes Mother-In-Law is def one of my VIPs. She’s the one taking care of all the food and is offering to buy and run out and get any decor I want.
LilliV : I think my sisters like my Mother-In-Law so I don’t think that’s the issue.
keviah12 : I have no idea why my sister wants her fiance there so badly. I asked her and she said they like being together and that’s it. I thought he would feel funny being the only male there and I thought by me saying that would deter them… apparently not! Believe me I know, so much drama for a day that’s supposed to be for me.
sarathemermaid : I know most men don’t care about showers/don’t want to go. My husband doesn’t even want to go. He said he would show up at the end so we can take pictures together. He’s happy to help set up and is going to make me a watermelon fruit baby carriage too.
annabananabee : I only agreed because I was trying to be nice. That’s not what I really wanted and even after I agreed to her fiance coming, my sisters are still pushing for my dad to come. Even going as far as saying I should’ve picked a different date so my dad could’ve come. My Mother-In-Law being able to come takes precedence since she’s the one doing the majority of the work now. I didn’t want any men to be there and I was willing to make an exception because I felt like I had to. Family drama is always hard unfortunately.
kmjkh : Right, I was not expecting my Mother-In-Law to be taking care of so much for my shower. She’s making all of the food herself. I just am not going to engage in the drama anymore. I texted them a little bit ago with where I stand with her fiance still being able to come and the date is what it is and my dad isn’t coming. So hopefully no more drama until my shower next month…
Post # 11
They really shouldn’t be involving you anyways. Besides logistic items since it’s at your house I guess. All the drama is pointless, tell your sisters to knock it off and be done with it.
Post # 12
You need to just put your foot down. We’re having the party on x date, this is what works the best for the majority. It’s a ladies only event but if your fiance is so up your ass he can’t live for 2 hours without you, he can come. End of story. See you then.
Post # 13
I feel badly for you OP, this is supposed to be a fun shower in your honour and instead you’re having to deal with family drama.
I do have to say though, that as an overall issue not just specific to this event, your sister’s relationship sounds very unhealthy. I have an extended relative like this, she and her husband behave exactly like your sister and fiance. They’ll say it’s because they’re close and like to do stuff together, as if the rest of us can’t understand the specialness of their relationship from the vantage point of our own inferior relationships. It’s quite off putting, but also quite concerning.
Post # 14
This whole thing sound completely silly from all sides… It’s a baby shower… It’s a two to three hour little get together where people give you a bunch of baby stuff and you all coo over babies and pregnancy. It’s not that flippin complicated.
Who cares if there are some dudes there? What exactly does that ruin?
If dudes don’t want to be there, that’s cool too. Not everyone is into baby showers and guys tend to feel a lot less pressure to pretend otherwise the odd time they are invited to one.
Just invite whoever, let them bring their partners if they want, and just make sure you get a reasonably close headcount for food. It really and truly is that simple.
Post # 15
- Wedding: November 2015 - City, State
My Mother-In-Law is making all of the food herself so I don’t want to just invite whoever, that would double the guest list if everyone’s partners come which I don’t think she would appreciate.
Everything is fine now. My sister’s fiance is coming and that’s it. I just want it to be an enjoyable day for everyone involved.