Baby shower drama! Just need to vent/not sure what to do…

posted 4 months ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
5564 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

MrsGirlyGirl :  the sister doesn’t care that he will be the only guy there, but I haven’t seen how HE would feel anywhere in the post. Has she asked him how he would feel about being the only guy at the party?

Why is she insisting that he come, or is he the one insisting?

What do YOU want? I think it’s tricky because they are the ones planning the party but you are in charge of inviting your dad?

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable and your reasoning about ladies only makes sense. It’s weird to me that your sister is insisting on bringing her fiancé with her

Post # 3
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

 Is your Mother-In-Law one of your VIPs? Can you simply NOT imagine this special day without her?

This is going to be tackled much like a wedding. List out your VIPs – the people you cannot live without – and go around THEIR schedules. If people can’t come, people simply can’t come. 

That’s just the way it is lol

Post # 5
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

You are not being unreasonable at all. Why does your sister want her husband there so badly? Wouldn’t he feel funny being the only male? I don’t understand that at all. It’s your baby shower, why so much drama. My goodness.

Post # 6
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

Why does your sister’s Fiance have to be there? I’ll be really blunt. Men don’t care about showers and don’t want to go. 

I would mention to everyone invited that the guys are invited to come hang out after or something, but you shouldn’t have to double your invited bc one of your guests wants men to come. 

I’ve been to some casual showers where later in the shower or right when it starts winding down the dad to be and close make family show up and just hang out. 

At the end of the day it’s your shower and you should get the final say! 

Post # 7
Member
4500 posts
Honey bee

1.  The sister’s fiance attending is a non-issue. She wants him there, you agreed, end of story at this point. Drop it. I don’t know why this is taking up so much focus of the story as it has zero bearing on whether other men are invited. Just because you invite one man doesn’t mean you have to invite them all or even consider it.  It also doesnt mean you can’t invite some men on the basis of relationships (like future grandfathers), but exclude others with a less close relationship or relationship only by marriage.  Consider her fiance as allowing the co-host an exception since she is throwing the party and stop worrying about him being the only man there.

2. Your mother-in-law is co-hosting this. Even though she is no longer having it at her house, she is still a co-host. She is paying for all of the food, taking care of various logistics like where people will sit and eat, and doing some decor. So other than you being the guest of honor, her schedule is the second most important one since she is the one subsidizing large parts of this party. If your sisters can’t recognize that, and refuse to suck it up and shut up, then they can pay her back any money lost and make their own arrangements for food and seating and decor and be the ones to tell the future grandmother to piss off. Otherwise again they can suck it up. Tell them that if necessary.

3.  Your sisters were the ones who were in charge of the invites. Clearly your dad wasn’t a priority since he wasn’t the very first thing at the top of all of your minds. I don’t say that to be mean. I’m just saying that had he been a priority guest at your shower, no dates would have been picked without checking with him first and this wouldn’t have been an “all of a sudden they decided it would be a good idea and want it to happen” sort of thing. Would it be nice if he was there as the future grandparent? Sure. It has nothing to do with his gender. But thems the breaks. The fact of the matter is you can’t plan a party that works for everyone. Since your father wasn’t a VIP from the start and presumably he was at your gender reveal, you’re just going to have to be okay with that and you’re going to have to tell your sisters to suck it up and be okay with that since MIL’s schedule takes precedence here.  Not every party has to be everything to everyone.  If your family members who couldn’t attend want to throw you something a little extra or get together and celebrate with you separately they can certainly do so.

This really doesn’t have to be that hard. It mostly just needs to involve you telling your sisters to stop being drama llamas. They seem to be at the root of every so-called issue that’s coming up.

Post # 8
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee

It sounds like your mother in law is predominately paying for this party.   She should get the say as to who is invited and where it should be held.    Your sisters are doing a much smaller part for the party and the gift they are giving is completely seperate from any party discussions.   I would ask, why are they involving you at all?

Post # 9
Member
2836 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

annabananabee :  lol  agree, her sisters need to stop being “llama dramas”. “They can suck it up and shut up” . Yes,  exactly….

 

Post # 11
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

They really shouldn’t be involving you anyways. Besides logistic items since it’s at your house I guess. All the drama is pointless, tell your sisters to knock it off and be done with it. 

Post # 12
Member
9444 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You need to just put your foot down. We’re having the party on x date, this is what works the best for the majority. It’s a ladies only event but if your fiance is so up your ass he can’t live for 2 hours without you, he can come. End of story. See you then.

Post # 13
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

I feel badly for you OP, this is supposed to be a fun shower in your honour and instead you’re having to deal with family drama. 

I do have to say though, that as an overall issue not just specific to this event, your sister’s relationship sounds very unhealthy. I have an extended relative like this, she and her husband behave exactly like your sister and fiance. They’ll say it’s because they’re close and like to do stuff together, as if the rest of us can’t understand the specialness of their relationship from the vantage point of our own inferior relationships. It’s quite off putting, but also quite concerning. 

Post # 14
Member
3418 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Honestly? 

This whole thing sound completely silly from all sides… It’s a baby shower… It’s a two to three hour little get together where people give you a bunch of baby stuff and you all coo over babies and pregnancy. It’s not that flippin complicated. 

Who cares if there are some dudes there? What exactly does that ruin? 

If dudes don’t want to be there, that’s cool too. Not everyone is into baby showers and guys tend to feel a lot less pressure to pretend otherwise the odd time they are invited to one. 

Just invite whoever, let them bring their partners if they want, and just make sure you get a reasonably close headcount for food. It really and truly is that simple. 

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