Post # 1
My Mother-In-Law and two of her sisters are throwing me a baby shower. I recently saw my MIL’s sister’s (my husband’s aunts) and they said they’d had an idea that duplicate gifts from my registry would be purchased and wrapped and handed to my Mother-In-Law at the same time that I’m opening gifts as a surprise to my Mother-In-Law so she’ll have stuff at her house for the baby. I’m not clear on if they’ll be purchasing these things or what although that’s what I’m guessing. I was kind of flustered, plus I very much appreciate that anyone is throwing me a shower, so I said that that was a good idea without really thinking about it but now I’m not so sure. This is my MIL’s first grandchild and she’s been anxiously awaiting my husband and I having kids for years which the whole family knows (it’s sort of an inside joke). I’m only having one baby shower that will include my family, my MILs extended family, and friends so I’m wondering if it’s going to be weird to be opening presents at the same time as her? Has anyone had this happen at their shower? Was it totally fine and I’m just overthinking things?
Post # 2
That’s a little different, never heard of the idea but I guess it sounds like it makes sense if you plan on letting her take care of the baby very often? I will say though, some guests may not appreciate their gifts going to her so I don’t know. Weird idea.
Post # 3
FutureMrsGrabs : I admit..it’s kind of weird. I’ve never heard of that happening before.
I don’t think it’s bad if someone wants to buy her a gift in addition to something you get. But it’s awkward to have her get and open them at your shower.
Can your husband play dumb and get your Aunt to bring it up? Maybe if he says how awkard it is, they’ll get the hint. I think they mean well.. but it’s just weird.
Post # 4
Why can’t you just take things to her when she watches the kid?
I imagine she won’t be gifted huge stuff like cribs?
Post # 5
What about your mom then? This just seems a little weird.
I’d tell them it’s not something you feel is appropriate, and if they want to get her gifts you’d be happy to attend a grandmothers shower.
Also, might be nothing but I really want to caution you that this is often the beginning of some real horror story posts over at DWIL. It always seems to start with the grandmother getting presents at the mom’s shower.
Post # 6
bee123456789 : This is how I’m feeling too and I was just wondering if I was being crazy because pregnancy or if my feelings were valid. I know grandma showers are a big thing and I completely understand if they throw her a separate shower with her friends but don’t really think it’s appropriate for her to open gifts at my shower. I may have to discuss with my husband tonight on how to say I’m uncomfortable with it.
How much she’ll be keeping the baby is a whole other issue. We considered letting her be our daycare but changed our minds and said no (I wrote a thread on here and got some awesome advice). She has a hard time with boundaries and I have a feeling she thinks she’s going to be watching the baby WAY more than I’m going to want her to, but I haven’t brought it up because who knows, I may want/need a lot more help than I think (although I doubt it).
anthonyswife : Thanks for reaffirming that I’m not crazy. Really good idea about husband dropping a hint. I think it’d be fine if it were just her family there because they know the whole situation but my family and friends are going to be like WTH.
slomotion : That’s what I think. Plus, as I mentioned above, I think she thinks she’s going to be getting the baby WAY more than she will be. Like she may babysit for the occassional night out but we’re probably going to be hanging out with our kid ourselves a lot. And if we go over there for dinner or something we’ll just bring anything we need with us.
Post # 7
FutureMrsGrabs : Given your recent update about her watching the baby, I would try to shut down her shower gifts. I can see this only fueling her fire..
It sounds like you have a very supportive husband. So hopefully he can help shut this down :o)
Post # 8
FutureMrsGrabs : Oh yeah in light of your update I especially would discourage this because it might encourage MIL’s behavior and thinking she’ll keep the baby often. I had zero idea “grandmother showers” even existed. Strange!
Post # 9
It’s great that she intends to be an involved grandmother and will be supporting you two when your baby comes along (assuming that you and your SO feel good about that) but giving her gifts at the baby shower is a bit overboard, IMO. She isn’t doing the work of growing the baby and nor will the bulk of the burden of raising said child be on her. Also- she can’t use any of the items if the baby isn’t there, so usually the goods go where the baby goes (ex- car seats).
I’d be concerned that giving her gifts as though she is the expectant parent might encourage her to otherwise see this as her experience when it isn’t. But if she isn’t like many of the Mother-In-Law horror stories we hear about it other threads, and it just a very very excited grandmother to be, maybe it’s not that big a deal, it’s just unusual.
ETA- Actually- no- I’m not down with it. She’s about to be a grandmother- she is not becoming a parent. Giving her gifts makes for smudgy boundaries. Anything she receives should be given separately, not in the midst of the shower that is for the parents of the coming child.
Post # 10
bee123456789 : I live in the midwest and never heard of a Grandma Shower. Strange concept!
Post # 11
FutureMrsGrabs : I’ve heard of grandma showers and imo they’re whatever, but my first thought on your situation was exactly the same as BalletParker : ‘s — how is YOUR mom supposed to feel, sitting there watching your Mother-In-Law open “her” presents? It’s questionable grandma-ing, but it’s super-shitty-no-question-about-it hosting. I would absolutely ask my husband to tell his mom that you mentioned this idea and that he wonders if they’ve thought about how that’s going to make your mom feel. If she wants a grandma shower or her sisters want to throw her one, whatever. But they should NOT have her opening presents at your shower. Even if your mom won’t be attending, it’s still weird and extremely attention-seeking.
Post # 12
FutureMrsGrabs : My mom’s friends threw her a grandma shower (separate from mine) for her first grandchild. She was the last in her circle to become a grandma and her friends love to have a party and have the time/money for frivolous celebrations. It was mostly smaller items they found helpful to have at their homes with their own grandkids along with things like a pack n play, foldable highchair, etc. We had a couple ladies meet us for lunch who missed my shower bring presents for both my mom and me. Based my experience it’s not weird. Becoming a grandma is an important milestone and there’s nothing wrong with celebrating it.
Eta: It’s weird she’s not having her own separate shower. I’m guessing it’s to save on hosting expenses?
Post # 13
This is weird and definitely not appropriate and needs to be shut down. Especially since you’ve said about her not watching the baby as much as she would probably hope.
Post # 14
Haha oh no, no, no.
This sounds like they’re going to take the duplicates that were given to YOU, and give them to Mother-In-Law. Lol. Yeah, no. You can exchange those for other things AND, just in case they weren’t paying attention Mother-In-Law ISNT HAVING A BABY. You are. Mother-In-Law doesn’t get gifts
There are so many entitled MILs lately. Jfc
Post # 15
NO!!! Shut it down.
what mrscb2bee said, also. It’s not MIL’s baby. The only way I could see this being even mildly okay, was if Mother-In-Law was going to watch the baby full time (like in lieu of daycare or a nanny).