Baby Shower – MIL Receiving Gifts Too?

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

That’s a little different, never heard of the idea but I guess it sounds like it makes sense if you plan on letting her take care of the baby very often? I will say though, some guests may not appreciate their gifts going to her so I don’t know. Weird idea.

Post # 3
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

FutureMrsGrabs :  I admit..it’s kind of weird. I’ve never heard of that happening before.

I don’t think it’s bad if someone wants to buy her a gift in addition to something you get. But it’s awkward to have her get and open them at your shower.

Can your husband play dumb and get your Aunt to bring it up? Maybe if he says how awkard it is, they’ll get the hint. I think they mean well.. but it’s just weird.

Post # 4
Member
9828 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Why can’t you just take things to her when she watches the kid?

I imagine she won’t be gifted huge stuff like cribs?

Post # 5
Member
11650 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

What about your mom then? This just seems a little weird.

I’d tell them it’s not something you feel is appropriate, and if they want to get her gifts you’d be happy to attend a grandmothers shower. 

Also, might be nothing but I really want to caution you that this is often the beginning of some real horror story posts over at DWIL. It always seems to start with the grandmother getting presents at the mom’s shower. 

Post # 7
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

FutureMrsGrabs :  Given your recent update about her watching the baby, I would try to shut down her shower gifts. I can see this only fueling her fire..

It sounds like you have a very supportive husband. So hopefully he can help shut this down :o)

Post # 8
Member
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

FutureMrsGrabs :  Oh yeah in light of your update I especially would discourage this because it might encourage MIL’s behavior and thinking she’ll keep the baby often. I had zero idea “grandmother showers” even existed. Strange!

Post # 9
Member
6171 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

It’s great that she intends to be an involved grandmother and will be supporting you two when your baby comes along (assuming that you and your SO feel good about that) but giving her gifts at the baby shower is a bit overboard, IMO. She isn’t doing the work of growing the baby and nor will the bulk of the burden of raising said child be on her. Also- she can’t use any of the items if the baby isn’t there, so usually the goods go where the baby goes (ex- car seats).

I’d be concerned that giving her gifts as though she is the expectant parent might encourage her to otherwise see this as her experience when it isn’t. But if she isn’t like many of the Mother-In-Law horror stories we hear about it other threads, and it just a very very excited grandmother to be, maybe it’s not that big a deal, it’s just unusual.

ETA- Actually- no- I’m not down with it. She’s about to be a grandmother- she is not becoming a parent. Giving her gifts makes for smudgy boundaries. Anything she receives should be given separately, not in the midst of the shower that is for the parents of the coming child.

Post # 10
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

bee123456789 :  I live in the midwest and never heard of a Grandma Shower. Strange concept!

Post # 11
Member
8835 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

FutureMrsGrabs :  I’ve heard of grandma showers and imo they’re whatever, but my first thought on your situation was exactly the same as  BalletParker :  ‘s — how is YOUR mom supposed to feel, sitting there watching your Mother-In-Law open “her” presents? It’s questionable grandma-ing, but it’s super-shitty-no-question-about-it hosting. I would absolutely ask my husband to tell his mom that you mentioned this idea and that he wonders if they’ve thought about how that’s going to make your mom feel. If she wants a grandma shower or her sisters want to throw her one, whatever. But they should NOT have her opening presents at your shower. Even if your mom won’t be attending, it’s still weird and extremely attention-seeking. 

Post # 12
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

FutureMrsGrabs :  My mom’s friends threw her a grandma shower (separate from mine) for her first grandchild.  She was the last in her circle to become a grandma and her friends love to have a party and have the time/money for frivolous celebrations. It was mostly smaller items they found helpful to have at their homes with their own grandkids along with things like a pack n play, foldable highchair, etc.  We had a couple ladies meet us for lunch who missed my shower bring presents for both my mom and me. Based my experience it’s not weird.  Becoming a grandma is an important milestone and there’s nothing wrong with celebrating it. 

Eta: It’s weird she’s not having her own separate shower.  I’m guessing it’s to save on hosting expenses?  

Post # 13
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This is weird and definitely not appropriate and needs to be shut down. Especially since you’ve said about her not watching the baby as much as she would probably hope.

Post # 14
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Haha oh no, no, no.

 

This sounds like they’re going to take the duplicates that were given to YOU, and give them to Mother-In-Law. Lol. Yeah, no. You can exchange those for other things AND, just in case they weren’t paying attention Mother-In-Law ISNT HAVING A BABY. You are. Mother-In-Law doesn’t get gifts

 

There are so many entitled MILs lately. Jfc 

Post # 15
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

NO!!! Shut it down. 

what mrscb2bee said, also. It’s not MIL’s baby. The only way I could see this being even mildly okay, was if Mother-In-Law was going to watch the baby full time (like in lieu of daycare or a nanny).

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