Baby Shower – MIL Receiving Gifts Too?

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 16
Member
9588 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

get Darling Husband to remind aunts that your mom will be there so unless there is one for BOTH grandmas it should be given and opened at another date.

I’m on board with worrying about boundaries but I have no idea how you can stop them from buying their sister a gift, so I’d stick to preventing it happening at the shower unless your mom is opening one too. 

Also being forced to buy 3x the gifts hopefully means they will have to stick to something small like a play mat.

Post # 17
Member
9588 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

also, if aunts back down I’d still buy a gift or two for your mom. don’t give them to her unless aunts go rogue and give Mother-In-Law a gift.

that way at least you can send the message to her that she is not special beyond normal grandma privileges. and also save your mom from feeling left out.

if aunts keep their word after backing down, just return the gifts.

Post # 18
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

OMG NO. This is your Mother-In-Law pretending that she’s your child’s mother. Shut that shit down NOW. 

Post # 19
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

That’s some crappy hosting and someone (preferably not you) needs to shut this idea all the way down.  The baby shower is about celebrating the mom to be so the mom-to-be should be the only one opening and receiving gifts. 

Post # 21
Member
12119 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Grandma showers? ! thought I had heard it all but apparently not. It’s inappropriate to the extreme. It’s up to the grandparents or the parents themselves to equip a second home or things can go back and forth. 

It’s just as outrageous for any of the shower gifts to go to her. She’s had her children. 

Post # 24
Member
3309 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

My Father-In-Law watches my daughter most days (I work) and the things he needs have migrated over there. Honestly, you don’t need much to watch a kid. If someone is watch them on a regular basis I do recommend keeping extra clothes at their place, diapers, wipes, and formula. We left our pack n play with him also but still take it on road trips.

Post # 25
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Yeah I definitely would not let them do that. Not only will your mother be completely excluded but those duplicates could be exchanged for other things that YOU need for the baby. Unless you plan on regular sleepovers, there’s really no reason why she needs so much baby stuff. 

Post # 27
Member
2707 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

There are some crazy threads on DWIL.  I think the one that got me the most was the mum who was having twins, her Mother-In-Law offered to have the shower at her house then said, at the end of the shower, that the mum’s husband (who was away for work) had agreed that all the shower gifts were staying at HER house for HER nursery.  Of course he hadn’t, and IIRC it ended in the mum’s dad and sister going to get all the gifts, the SIL ending up on an assault charge for pushing the mum over in a shopping mall while accusing her of destroying the family, a restraining order against the Mother-In-Law and the Father-In-Law divorcing her.  I don’t think your situation is quite so bad!

What I’ve learnt from much browsing of DWIL is this:

– it’s better if you are clear and upfront about boundaries before the baby is born.  Particularly surrounding what you want to happen and who you want in the hospital for labour and delivery, and in the first hours/days after birth. To be clear is to be kind.

– if your Darling Husband is on your side, things will be much easier.

– 

Post # 28
Member
820 posts
Busy bee

This sounds like something my own mother would do to put some attention on herself. Weird. 

Post # 30
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

KiwiDerbyBride :  I loved that one. I also love DWIL in general. They’ve helped me so much

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