Baby shower : my MIL and Mom think they are both hosting.

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
9579 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I have to admit I skimmed–but can they not just co-host?

Post # 3
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yikes what a mess but from what I gathered you told your mil was planning the baby shower but your mom took over the role.  There really is no right way on planning a shower except if two people want to host you can choose one or the other, make them both help host the party or do it seperately.  Your sister is also dead wrong your Mother-In-Law IS family, YOUR family.  Your sister is guilt tripping you to protect your mom from what I see as seeming to ignore your wishes in getting mil to organize the shower.

The big question is what do YOU want (do not concern with how other adults will feel), this can include getting both to organize the party for you or asking for separate showers.  When you know what you want make that clear to both of them and don’t let ANYONE guilt trip you otherwise.

Post # 5
Member
4823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Cait2007 :  Either they co host, or simply don’t have a shower?   

Post # 6
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Tell anyone who comes to you that they need to speak to each-other about it and not to you. If they use email, have your husband send a group email to that effect. They are grown women and can figure out how to work together. Your sister is being a trouble-maker by trying to drag you into it.

Post # 7
Member
5827 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

They can co host or have two showers either way its not your problem. Tell your husband to stop facilitating their discussions. The next time someone asks he should just give them the other ones contact info. There is no etiquette that I know of that only the baby’s maternal grandmother gets to host.  Unless invites have already gone out this is easily fixed.

Post # 10
Member
5827 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Cait2007 :  well if your husband keeps acting as the go between then they both get to keep playing the victim and blaming “miscommunication”. Disengage completely, tell your sister this is not your problem. This is the only time the “planning your own shower is rude” business works to your advantage. Say stress is bad for the baby.

Post # 11
Member
11461 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Can your mother host a shower for your side of the family and your Mother-In-Law host a shower for hers, and, can whichever venue is able to accommodate the largest number of people be the shower that your friends who have no connection to your families attend?

Post # 13
Member
3019 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I think the easiest solution is to have two showers. I ended up having three showers – one that a friend hosted, one that my aunt hosted, and one that my boss hosted. There is no rule about hosting except that you can’t host your own shower, so don’t let your sister guilt you about it. 

Post # 14
Member
9579 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Your sister neets to butt out, big time!

In that case, two showers seems like the better solution, as bees said.  Just split your friend groups up and then of course relatives go with whomever they’re related to.  Especially if you have a clear division of groups without overlap, e.g. friends met through Darling Husband go to MIL’s shower, friends met through your school/work go to mom’s shower, etc..  

Post # 15
Member
2591 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Have a cup of tea, take a nice bath and have two baby showers. No need for all this stress, mama. Relax a bit and ask them to host their own 🙂

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