(Closed) Must I send a gift? Not sure of the rules.

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Gah, that is awkward! Here’s what I would do. I think you sort of have to attend since Mother-In-Law made a big stink about it and the poor mother-to-be probably thinks you are the crazy one now. I would attend and be the most sweet, gracious, and warm person there.

Since money is tight I would make a DIY hand-sewn gift. You can go to a thrift store and buy some old clothes or curtains, wash them really well, then cut them up and use the pretty fabric. A hand-made gift is always a HUGE hit at baby showers, and it will convince the mom that you’re a nice person who isn’t crazy at all 🙂

This website has a tutorial on turning a thrift store hankie into a pretty baby bonnet. http://www.somewhatsimple.com/2010/03/fabulous-friday-and-giveaway-from-this.html

 

For other ideas you can check out http://www.oneprettything.com. There are tons of wonderful DIY gifts on there. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow.  You Mother-In-Law kinda screwed you on that one.  I think that you should decline (I’m sure the hostess will be very relieved by that!  If she didn’t include you in the first place maybe she doesn’t have room anyway, plus maybe the mommy-to-be mentioned that she has no idea who you are, LOL!).  So anyway, yeah, decline.  Send a card instead.  Just make it a very cute card.  No gift certificate.  No gift.

When I have my shower, I hope that no one I’ve never met before is invited and I really hope those people don’t feel obligated to send a gift just because they were on the list!  Don’t worry about all the drama your Mother-In-Law stirred up.  By attending, you’d just be reinforcing her behavior.

Post # 6
Member
14185 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Meh, skip it. But I do think that if you send a gift, it makes you look gracious to the cousins….especially after the big stink Mother-In-Law made. I’d probably send a small hand sewn gift, but I LOVE to sew and I totally saved that bonnet. It looks simple enough.

But seriously, there is no shame in not being able to fork up the dough. I also think it’s perfectly acceptable to decline and send nada.

Post # 7
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I also say you’re fine to skip it, but I think you really should send a gift. It doesn’t have to be anything big, and it would be fine to do the DIY route! Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

Aw, sorry that you’ve got so much to deal with in one small person!  Sometimes the Family board is full of “MIL” in the titles, you would think it was the Mother-In-Law Drama board!  LOL

Whatever you choose to do, make sure hubby is on board.  You’ll need his opinion in every battle to win the war.  Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with Mighty Sapphire.  Send a reeeeeeally cute card with a heartfelt (okay, faked heartfelt) message – congratulations, so happy for you, maybe throw in a short poem, prayer, song lyric…whatever brand of sentimentality works for you. 

Post # 11
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

i’d send a card for both, no gift. I might even send the card along with Mother-In-Law. I’d be so weirded out to get an invite for that one – make sure to have a sensible friend plan a baby shower for you if you have children some day. Don’t let Mother-In-Law anywhere near your guest list – the mailman’s sister in law’s cousin will be there, touching your belly. 😉

 

Post # 12
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

 I agree about not sending a gift.  Sometimes there are threads about bridal showers.  I think you should only send a gift (when declining) if the person is someone you’re close to.    These are people you barely (or don’t even) know.  How ridiculous does “MIL’s second cousin’s daughter-in-law” sound????

Post # 14
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

You are not alone.  I don’t know why MILs are crazy, they just are.

I started thinking the other day that you Mother-In-Law may be covertly trying to “start your baby timer” by making you attend a baby shower.  Like seeing all the adorable little onesies is going to suddenly change your plans on familiy planning or something.  You think?  Or is she not THAT crazy?

Post # 15
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t think you need to send anything, but for what it’s worth, in some families the baby/bridal shower tradition is to invite all of the women in the family—regardless of how well you know them. So that may be why you’re getting the invites, and it may be that your Mother-In-Law is trying to make sure you’re included in the family, even if she’s inadvertently making it tough for you. So just something to think about! I suspect the cousins feel just as awkward about it, too. 🙂

My favorite low-cost baby gift for the situations where you don’t exactly want to send a gift but feel awkward not doing so is a board book, though. Bonus if you can find one you remember from when you were a child and can write a note about how you loved it as a kid. Wrapped with a nice bow, the whole thing is under $10, and if you need to mail it, they usually fit into the USPS flat rate envelopes which are super cheap.

Post # 16
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I say skip it and no gift.  It’s a recession and people are understanding.  What can someone expect from a person they barely know??!! 

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