(Closed) Baby shower question

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

You can’t ask people to throw you a shower!  People have to say that they will throw you the shower.  And, your husband throwing you a shower is going to look like nothing more than a gift grab.

So, either you wait til a friend volunteers to throw you a shower or you accept one from your mother. 

Anyway, are second showers common?  They’re not in my area.  You only get one!  

Post # 4
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

Have you asked her reasoning for insisting on late February?  Maybe open up the conversation for feedback from both sides and see if she is more reasonable and you can find a compromise that makes everyone happy?

Post # 5
Member
46612 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There have been many previous discussions about the ettiquette surrounding showers.

Showers should be hosted by someone other than the immediate family- otherwise it is a pure and simple request for gifts.

Do you have friends or more distant family who could host a shower?

Post # 6
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you should tell her that you really want it sooner because of the reasons listed above and if she says no, then maybe you can tell her that you would rather her not throw the shower and have your husband throw you one if he wants. i agree it is rude to ask other people to throw a shower. good luck =)

Post # 7
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

your husband can’t host the shower…it would look like a gift grab. especially since you already have a kid, it would look bad.

have you calmly explained to your mom why you want it earlier? you can’t accomodate a shower to have time to return things though – that makes you sound ungrateful. there are very few things you need right when the baby is born anyway.

Post # 8
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think you should ask someone else to throw you a shower, nor do I think your husband should host it. However if a friend offered then you could decline your mother’s offer, and be sure to mention to your friend when would be conveinent to you. Do you have any couple friends who might throw one for you?

When throwing a shower the host/ess SHOULD consider the person they are throwing it for and what would be the best time/location for them. Does your mother give any particular reason as to why she wants to have it in late February? If she has a good reason, I’d just mention your concerns about having to exchange things/the possibility of being hospitalized and just ask if she would mind returning things if you are unable to.

Realistically though you could have your husband return things after the baby is born – most places will give you 60-90 days to return or exchange.

Post # 10
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’ve never heard of a husband hosting a shower, but I am still trying to wrap my head around co-ed showers anyways these days. Honestly, if someone, including your mom, wants to throw you a shower, they are going out of their way to do so and while I think they should consider your feelings, it is their gesture. FWIW, I disagree with the attitude that it is wrong to have a second shower-it is your husbands first child and there is a 6 yr gap between this child and your first. It is actually common in situations like that and there is no written rule you only get one shower. Hell, my inlaws have a shower for every kid born and yes even for their immediate family, gasp! You can talk to your mom about it and express your concerns, but essentially she is the one throwing it.

Post # 13
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@bridemia0415: Maybe your husband can help your mom out if he’s excited about it. If you have a co-ed shower then it would be good to involve him.

Post # 14
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2000

I agree with Camrie, let Darling Husband help mom out and stay out of the way so she can do her thing. They can bond, he stays involved, you can whisper in his ear if you want to ‘suggest’ something. It is, afterall, a gift to get a shower thrown for you.

The only ‘request’ i made re: one of my baby showers is that  a friend wanting to host could combine with another person she didn’t really know to host and invite people b/c I was having too many showers (yes, I was exhausted and it would have been shower #5). I think that would-be hostess got a little left in the dust by the other one already planning and I wish I would have just backed off and let everyone do their thing for me when/where/how they wanted.

@bridemia0415: And I do feel your pain…my mama is currently irritating me and I had to put my foot down on other things along the way. Let her have this one though, if at all possible, in my opinion.

Post # 15
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@bridemia0415:  In all honesty, your mom has a very valid point.  My sister’s shower is this weekend.  Tons of people declined for no clear reasons (people we were very surprised couldn’t come, such as 10 of his 12 sisters (HUGE family!)).  We truly think we just did it too soon after Christmas, and people can not afford to spend more money already.  Our guest list was 75 and we will be lucky if we have 35. 

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