Post # 1
When my girlfriend first found out she was pregnant, I told her right away I wanted to throw her baby shower for her (despite being upset as Darling Husband and I have been trying forever with no luck, but that is a different story!). Her family and her DH’s family all live a long ways away, so she doesn’t really have anyone here.
When she was getting married, I threw her bach party even though they were “eloping” to Las Vegas and stuff, so I really wanted to put this party on for her too.
So I called her last night to ask if she was going to be gone at all this summer and what things she really wanted to incorporate into her shower. She told me that 2 other ladies she used to work with were going to throw her a shower too, so she was just going to have 2 showers because she didn’t want to tell them no that I was already doing it. I told her not to worry about, I just won’t throw her one then, and she asked if I wanted to do something with these other ladies. No, I don’t!
I wanted to do this for her. I have known her WAY longer than these other ladies, we have been really close way longer, I threw her her bach party, I told her that I wanted to this shower for her from day one. She didn’t want to hurt the other ladies’ feelings though, but what about mine?!
Am I being dumb for being upset about this? I almost started crying when I got off the phone with her!
Post # 3
Really, she wasn’t worried about the feelings of anyone. 🙁 She wanted two showers. I’d personally be glad that I found out before I spent all the time and energy planning it.
Post # 4
Well, in my experience, lots of pregnant women get multiple showers (one for work, one from friends, one from family). Sometimes they are even surprise and the bride has no idea. Wouldn’t you have a different guest list than the ladies from work? I don’t think this is a huge deal- just go ahead and throw her one. I don’t think she is trying to hurt your feelings at all.
Post # 5
@futuremrshc- Is right she wanted 2 showers I dont think she was trying to hurt anyones feelings….
What about still having 2 showers her work one be a work people only then the one you do can be all her friends????
Post # 6
She doesn’t work with those ladies anymore, and the one she was nanny for, so its not like an office work. So she told me last night that she was trying to figure out how to decide which friends should go to which shower. She said she wasn’t going to tell me either, and just have the two showers, but I am glad she did because that would have made me feel really awkward. I’m just a little hurt about it.
It probably doesn’t help that I am a little upset also because she knows all the troubles my Darling Husband and i are having, and everything we are going through, and she calls me on my birthday and tells me that they are having a girl and all this stuff, and never once told me happy birthday. I didn’t say anything because I knew she was really excited and happy and I didn’t want to ruin that for her, but it was kind of like a slap in the face.
Post # 7
Maybe the ladies at work are throwing her a work shower. Im having a work shower here and my Mom is throwing me my “real” shower. If the work ladies are throwing her “real” shower you might as well join them, you might appreciate the help, plus you can take over cause you’ve know her way longer.
Post # 8
I’m with Blondiebee on this one. But only because I have been in your situation with my SIL’s bridal shower.
I told her for years that I couldn’t wait to throw one for her and the day she got engaged, I again, “claimed it.” I had started planning with a couple of the bridesmaids (which she knew), when my SIL called one afternoon and goes “it’s ok if you don’t want to throw the shower, my MIL’s friends want to throw one.”
Well, I was pissed, and really hurt. I cried. I felt like as the Maid/Matron of Honor, and the closest person to her, I should be the one to take the lead. Plus, we had already started doing things. I knew she couldn’t tell these ladies “no,” because her Mother-In-Law would lose her mind, but at that point I just didn’t want anything to do with it.
A couple of weeks later I calmed down, called the ladies, and offered to help, as did the other 2 bridesmaids. Turns out, they didn’t know her well and were thrilled that I offered. I ended up having the most control anyways, it was entirely what I envisioned, but I also had a ton of help. It worked out for the best.
I think you should get their number, give them a call and tell that that you had already started planning her shower, but that she told you about their shower, as well. Offer put the two together since there are not enough guests for two, and then just take the reins!
Post # 9
I think if there are different guest lists then it shouldn’t matter, but if the lists overlap it could be awkward.
My husband’s aunt wanted to throw us a shower but that meant inviting his family and doing it in their hometown (so traveling for us and my family wouldn’t come because of the distance). I told her no because I only wanted one and I wanted it to be in a place convenient to me. Plus my girlfriend had already started planning and I didn’t want her to go thru all the effort for 15 people or so (if his family wasn’t coming).
Post # 10
Like the others said, it doesn’t sound like she meant any harm by telling the other women that they could throw her a shower. If she told you that you couldn’t throw one, that would be upsetting, but it sounds like she appreciates that you want to throw her a shower and is trying to let you do that by either having 2 showers or letting you help with the other one. Maybe you could put your efforts into something else, like finding her a great gift or making a fun diaper cake, so you can still show that you care.
Post # 11
Ditto what others said – it doesn’t sound like your friend was trying to be vindictive by letting the other women throw her showers. I hope this doesn’t sound rude, but at the end of the day the shower you wanted to throw her was for HER not YOU. I can understand why you feel a little bit snubbed, but at the end of the day it’s not really about you…you told her nevermind so what could she really do? I think it’s sweet that you care enough about her to be upset that you’re not throwing her a shower, but you could always change your mind and throw her the shower even though it’ll be one of several…
Maybe I’m a little biased, because I’m pregnant and all of my friends and close family live far away…so I will be lucky if any of my newer friends/coworkers offer to throw me a shower. I’m sure she would appreciate you throwing her the shower just the same even though she is having multiple showers.