Post # 1
I just need to get this out of my system, I guess. I am 30, my husband is 27. We just got married a few months ago, and are currently enjoying life with just the 2 of us. We are financially stable, though my husband would like to pay down a few more of our bills before we start TTC. He says he does want a child (or two), but wants to give the baby the best start possible. I think this is rational, and a great goal to have. I know that having a baby is a huge financial responsibility (though we honestly COULD make it work right now if we wanted).
While I understand this, and it is what we agreed to before marriage, I can’t help but feel like my clock is ticking…no…POUNDING these days. I wasn’t even sure I wanted kids until I met my husband about 2 and a half years ago. But all these crazy hormones…AARRGGHH!! I feel like I bring up the thought of having a baby at least once a week and end up crying about it! Then we cycle through the whole conversation again: husband reassures me that we’ll have kids when we’re ready, tells me what our plan is again (bills paid, house, then TTC), and then I feel better…for a few days…until my hormones start screaming at me again. My husband has to be so sick of it (although he is honestly very sweet and says he understands and is patient with it all)!
I don’t know why I put so much thought into all of this if I know what our “plan” is. I just feel like he doesn’t get where I am coming from since I am a bit older (neither of us have any children), and maybe the sense of urgency isn’t there? I think added to all this is the fact that we miscarried a year ago this month…and it was very difficult for us. AND then there is the whole “Navy” thing…he is in the military and currently on shore duty (which means no deployments for another 3 years), and I keep thinking that if we start sooner, then he’ll be around to help me out with an infant and I won’t have to worry about being a new parent and a “single” parent at the same time. But in all likelihood, we’ll probably start TTC in about a year and a half, so I guess it wouldn’t be that bad…
I guess I just wonder if other couples out there go round and round with their conversations about TTC? It isn’t that I really think that changing our plan is what I want, but sometimes this irrational baby bug just grabs me (by sometimes, I mean a few times a week). I just want this mommy-monster that comes out to calm down and quit bugging me!! Or at least to know if this is abnormal (given my age and our circumstances?) I was the last person in the world just a few years ago to think she’d ever want to start a family!!!
Post # 3
Awww I am sorry you are feeling that way. Would a trip to see your doctor and assure you that you have time be helpful to assuage your feelings of hurry hurry!!!
I am younger but I want a family younger – my mom had me when she was 22 and I feel like I am so behind! It is completely irrational but sometimes I get crazy about it and my husband is like whoa. We are sooo not ready financially, emotionally and just in our relationship for kids, but sometimes it still comes out as an immediate want.
I hope you feel better and you and your husband come to a good compromise soon!
Post # 4
@afuturemrsl: Thank you! It makes me feel better to know I’m not the only one who has felt that way!! I think that advice is pretty good too, about getting everything checked out just to make sure that things are still “okay” in the fertility department. I think it really does worry me about the miscarriage (I find myself thinking, “what if I just CAN’T have kids?”) since I am 30 now. I still feel 20…but then I read all these articles about the risks of getting pregnant when you’re older and I think I make myself paranoid!!! (Maybe I should stop obsessing over these kinds of articles! lol)
There are times when I feel like I am literally a carton of eggs waiting to expire. 🙁 Guys are lucky that they don’t have to worry so much about that kind of thing. I wish I had just met my husband ten years ago so we could have had all that time to travel and “just be us” without worrying about this kind of stuff.
Post # 5
I can relate, too. I’ll be 26 when we get married and Fiance will be 31. We’ve agreed that we won’t start trying until he finishes his degree, which is proboably in 3-4 years.
Although I definitely want to have twosome-time for while after we get married, I can’t help thinking about kids. And sometimes freakishly worrying about reproductive health. Maybe I should go have everything checked iout in advance, too.
Your situation seems tougher… my Fiance is ex-Navy and I am grateful that I won’t have to worry about deployment. I think your idea of having a kid earlier so that he will be around more isn’t bad at all. Are you sure you can’t slightly adapt your timeline?
Post # 6
We had a similar situation – we were basically on the same page, but Darling Husband didn’t understand what my hurry was. Until I put it in perspective – I told him: I’m 30 and I’m not getting pregnant after 35. And I think it would be best to have at least 2 years between kids, so if you want more than one, we have to get started sooner rather than later.
Once he realized that 9 months X 2 kids + 2 years = 3.5 years of a 5 year window, it helped him come to terms with the timeline I was proposing. I told him if he only wanted one kid, we had plenty of time, but were pushing it to get 2 kids.
Post # 7
I definitely understand! I am not even married yet and still only 23 but my maternal feelings are really kicking into overdrive! We have had a few months where I wasn’t amazing with my birth control pills and thought I was pregnant so actually thinking I might be pregnant makes you realize how much you want it. My Fiance is older, 36, and he has no kids yet, so he is also feeling the same thing, he definitely wants to start sooner rather than later but we are so not ready yet!
Post # 8
I have baby fever something fierce right now. We got married three weeks ago. Before the wedding I was more than happy to wait a year or so to start a family. We were long distance for so long that I just wanted to be married for a bit. About a week before the wedding baby fever hit again and hasn’t gone away yet. We need to pay down some loans first and I realize and agree with that but all I can think about these days is being a mommy.
Post # 9
You are not alone! Come visit us on the baby boards!!! There are lots of people that have baby rabies or are ready to start trying, while their husbands aren’t quite ready. That was me about a year ago. I was so excited to start trying but my husband wasn’t ready. (We are not actively TTC!!)
So I completely understand!
For me, it took a lot of patience with my husband and trying to understand why he wasn’t ready.
Post # 10
@mrs_pugetsound:Hang in there! I know my husband always worries about his own fertility and I wonder if he will feel better if he just talked to a professional about it. I am glad that the response made you feel less alone.
Post # 11
I feel the same way, although I’m still in my mid-20s. I have 3 more years of grad school, 1 year of internship, and finally a year of post-doctorate work. It is very hard to see couples married after us already having children, and I know the timing isn’t right with me still in graduate school, but it is very hard to wait :(. I think your biological clock starts ticking MUCH louder the moment the ink dries on your marriage certificate! lol
Post # 12
Well, while I’m not in a huge rush to have a baby, I definitely can’t WAIT to start trying!
Darling Husband is trying to get a job right now, so once he’s been there for about 6 months, we’ll start trying. We guesstimate a year before we start trying.
It helps us stay grounded about being married for a little while, before bringing a little one into our lives 🙂
But I can definitely understand where you’re coming from!
Post # 13
Other than the navy part, I could have written the original post. I am 31 and my husband is 27. I am in full blown baby fever mode. However we just got married and have a huge home renovation that has been ongoing for a year now and has been taking a toll on the bank accounts. My husband wants kids for sure but I think he needs a little more time to get used to the idea, thank goodness he is patient with me while a ramble on about baby this or baby that.
Post # 14
Timelines are meant to be broken ! Talk to your husband, pray about it, and see what you can comfortably afford in terms of a baby. Most of us were born unto our parents without them having the “perfect ” setting for a child. We all made it , without going without all the things we need , and some of the things we want. You know it wouldn’t be any different for the child the two of you may have. Most importantly you want your marriage to be in good standing first ! Just my opinion, currently dealing with baby fever, after a year of marriage.
Post # 15
The most amazing plans fail! You can be as secure and nest egged out financially, mentally, and physically but when the baby is 8 months old,you could have a natural disaster destroy your house, total a car, have a medical condition, get layed off- whatever, the list goes on. Being financially stable is great, but nothing can prepare you for the future or guarantee your income.
Wishing you guys the best on your decisions!
Post # 16
I feel you, girl! Also, my Fiance just joined the Navy.
I bring it up all the time, when are we going to TTC, why can’t we just TTC now? and he always says, we should actually be married first and be settled at our military base.
It’s not that I feel my clock is ticking, I just have this I want a baby feeling