Post # 1
My FBIL’s fiancee has a 18 month-old child, who is not particularly well behaved, but the normal level of toddler rambunctious. We are having a very formal evening wedding, adults-only. The venue is not particularly child-friendly, with very steep steps, and lots of marble all around. The tables themselves will be full of glass objects, and lots of lit candles. The Future Brother-In-Law and his intended are traveling from across the country the week before, and naturally are bringing her child with them. My Fiance has already warned his brother that the reception is for adults only, and that she will have to get a babysitter for the ceremony/reception. He seemed fine with that knowledge.
Now we are hearing through the grapevine that she intends to show up to the venue with the kid (despite our explicit warnings), and waltz in with him. How can we politely tell her that this not an option? If she does show up with the kid, how should we handle it?
Post # 3
I’m all for making exceptions for infants.. but 18 months is well past the infant stage. Since they are travelling from out of town I think you should go ahead and make babysitting arraingments for them, rather than trusting them to do so on their own. Ask around your friends with babies or people with teenagers to see who can suggest a good babysitter for you to hire. Once you have already booked the babysitter and let the Future Brother-In-Law and Fiance know about it, then they can’t very well just ditch the babysitter and walk in with the kid.
Post # 4
Let your Fiance deal with it.
It’s very rude of her to say “no problem!” to a babysitter than just show up with the 18 month old.
18 month olds can be particularly naughty =
Post # 6
Yeah, doesn’t sound like a happy place for an 18 mo old. I’d just talk to them again. If something happened with the babysitter help them make arrangements, it’s annoying but I agree that little 18 mo old hands could be quite annoying with lots of glass around.
Post # 7
I agree with Moose, the best plan is to get a babysitter for them. Find a sitter (I know it stinks to have to go through this extra trouble for this guest) and then have your Fiance tell them.
At least you heard about it before hand and can do something now. This happened to me, the child was about 16 months old on my FI’s side and he’d discussed it with her and she’d said no problem… then showed up with her son. I didn’t realize until I was sitting up front, listening to the readings, and I heard him crying!
A little extra work now will hopefully nip it in the bud.
Post # 8
This exact same thing happened with a friend of mine. She was very specific about no children. Well who should come walking in with a 2 1/2 year old??? Her cousin! She had the wedding planner go over and tell her she couldn’t bring the baby in and needed to leave. Harsh? A little. But this was a black tie affair and my friend the bride made the comment that if her cousin couldn’t respect her wishes than she obviously didn’t care enough about her so she (the bride) wasn’t too upset about her cousin leaving. I thought this would cause some family drama, I mean HELLO she was asked to leave!! But everyone in the family supported the Bride, I think b/c everyone was so appauled that someone actually brought a child.
Post # 9
oh also as a last resort, you could have your event coordinator or the head of the venue out front to tell any “baby wedding crasher” families that they can’t be allowed in with the child for safety reasons. As long as you’ve made it clear to everyone that there are no children allowed at the reception, that seems pretty fair.
Post # 10
I def agree with the others that you should book a babysitter for them, and cheerfully let them know that it’s all taken care of. Don’t leave them to make the plans on their own if you suspect that she won’t.
For another backup plan, just in case she shows up with the kid – are you having alcohol at your reception? If you have a good catering manager, head bartender, day of coordinator (basically anyone official), you could ask them to tell her there’s a liability issue with serving alcohol at an open bar with minors present. A lot of places actually do have regulations about this (obviously intended to apply more to 18 year old guests, than 18 month old guests) but they should be able to spout off something credible enough to get her to take the kid back to the babysitter at the hotel. You could even tell her ahead of time about the “super strict alcohol rules” at your venue, and how your “hardass” coordinator keeps making a big deal about how _no one_ under 21 can be present.
Honestly, I can’t even imagine the nerve it takes to think crashing someone’s wedding with a toddler after they’ve specifically told you not to is okay.
Post # 11
just arrange the babysitter for them! Its a little bit of work and $ but worth it if you don’t want the baby there!
Post # 12
Yep get the babysitter for her. And let your Fiance be the one to tell them you’ve made the arrangements already.