Baby with cleft earlobe

posted 10 months ago in Babies
  • poll: Should we fix now or later ?
    Fix now at age 1 : (64 votes)
    54 %
    Fix as toddler (maybe around kindergarten age ) : (20 votes)
    17 %
    Let him decide when older : (35 votes)
    29 %
  • Post # 31
    1110 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    lilceeja124 :  I would not do it. It is just not a problem. He has to learn how to handle life. If the best someone’s got is to make fun of his ear, I will have a lot to teach my son how to respond to that. If your son wants to fix it later as an adult, he can do that. 

    I also wouldn’t want to answer the question, “mama, why did you fix me? Was I not good enough?” “Did you think I wouldn’t be strong enough?” 

    But I’m lazy and don’t like to so unnecessary things. What if my daughter was born with a funny looking nose? Where does it end?

    ETA: what if he actually likes having a different looking earlobe? 

    Post # 32
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

    lilceeja124 :  If there’s nothing medically wrong with it I don’t see a reason to do the surgery. If he wants to do it when he gets older then let him make that call. However if you want to go ahead with it that’s totally fine too. 

    Post # 33
    4312 posts
    Honey bee

    Just get it done. The earlier you have it done, the better it will heal. 

    Post # 34
    81 posts
    Worker bee

    lilceeja124 :  yes teasing just started this year in Kindergarten. He told the teacher and she intervened and it has stopped but I know there is always “that kid” in every single class so I’m sure it will happen again. In his case it’s going to go away at some point so for that reason we opted to just wait rather than make him go through another surgery. If it were a permanent thing easily fixed I probably would have done something about it. 

    Post # 35
    1977 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

    OT but I assume the bees saying let him decide when he’s older didn’t get their sons circumcised as that is not medically necessary but seems to be really common in the US. 

    Post # 36
    5583 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2017

    EllyAnne :  i have a daughter, not a son, but you don’t put babies under general anesthesia for a circumcision. That’s completely different in my opinion

    Post # 37
    1977 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

    Sansa85 :  Wasn’t looking for an argument. In case my post came across that way. I know about the anaesthetic element. Just curious about people saying it’s not up to the parent to decide but a lot of parents do make that decision for their son that the son may not necessarily make if they were old enough to understand. 

    Post # 38
    2326 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

    I would do it now. I absolutely agree with you that if you can prevent your kid being an easy target, you should. As someone who was bullied, it leaves way more lingering scars and hurts far worse than surgery.  My cousin was born with ears like open car doors. her parents had it repaired before whe entered school around age 5. 

    I wonder how many ppl who said they wouldnt put their kid though elective surgery, had their boys circ’d? Just got me thinking.


    Post # 39
    981 posts
    Busy bee

    I would wait to do it when he is 3 or 4. 

    Post # 40
    482 posts
    Helper bee

    How long is this surgery?  Maybe only a few mintues?  I’d get it done now before he is old enough to remember and be traumatized by doctors/hospitals, and before he is old enough to be traumatized by bullying.  Babies heal very quickly.  Just get it done and you won’t have to think about it anymore.

    Post # 43
    175 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 1997

    First grade teacher here – most kids are wonderful, but it only takes one jerk to make a kid feel horrible about himself. I’d fix it early so he doesn’t have a memory of the surgery or any teasing. 

    Post # 44
    1248 posts
    Bumble bee

    I would just get more information from the doctor at this stage on the procedure, and the risk of GA. If it’s really as quick and easy as he says, I’d probably do it at 1 – 2, if in doubt I would wait till they’re 3. There’ll still be no memory of it and I don’t think kids tease others at that age.

    I agree that he doesn’t need an additional reason to be bullied. That doesn’t prevent him from experiencing bullying of course, but it’s one less thing.

    Post # 45
    900 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I can see why this would be a tough decision to make Bee.  If I were in your shoes, I think I’d go back and forth and maybe question my choice for a long, long time no matter what route we went because, that’s parenting for you.  Ultimately, I would chose to get the surgery to repair his earlobe.  I wish we didn’t live in a world where bullying and insecurity almost certainly accompany a physical “flaw” but we do.  I truly don’t think any child would realistically chose to have or keep a deformed body part and statistics are on your side that he will be completely fine through the surgery.  I would ask your doctor too about at what age he feels recovery will be easiest on your little one.  I think it would be easiest to fix now as a baby, and he’ll have zero memory or traumatic associations.  

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