(Closed) Babysitter Issue

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Maybe she wants to have the best friend as a babysitter because she doesn’t want her aunt or MIL to have to watch a baby when they could be watching the wedding ceremony they came to see?

I understand how you feel because I feel the same way about the strangers at my wedding thing, but honestly, it’s only one person. You will barely even notice her being there and if it will make your FSIL and FBIL happy, I think it’s worth it.

I think it’s super cool that you’re letting them walk down the aisle with their baby! That’s really awesome!

Post # 4
Member
8122 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

So you would expect your grooms mother to be fussing over a child rather than watching her son get married? That is pretty messed up!

I actually think she is trying to do you a favour- having someone (the BFF) that is able to remove the child from your wedding if crying/playing up rather than having your BM or GM having to leave the front of the wedding to deal with their child!

Seriously you would prefer the possibility of a having your wedding interrupted by FSIL/FBIL having to step off the alter to deal with a crying child rather than having one stranger present (a stranger who is obviously close to your FSIL and probably your FI’s whole family since she is his sisters BFF)?

Post # 5
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Although the babysitter is a “stranger” to you, she is obviously trustworthy enough for your FBIL/FSIL to ask her to watch your 5 month old niece.  They are trying to do you a favor.  Many brides would be grateful that their family is being this conscientious. 

Post # 6
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I honestly think it is a great idea that she is bringing a babysitter.  I’d let her come to the ceremony and reception .. she will more than likely leave the reception early anyway.

Post # 7
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think its really great that she arranged her own babysitter! I agree that it will save family members the trouble of watching the baby, and if baby gets fussy, the bff won’t hesitate to take her outside bc she probably won’t care to miss your vows. Also, it doesn’t cost you anything extra to have one more person at the ceremony. I understand not having her at the reception ($$$), but the woman’s gotta eat! Could you talk to your hotel about sending a vendor meal up to her or sending up room service? I think that’s a nice middle ground so that the babysitter doesn’t starve, but then you don’t have to pay an arm and a leg either.

Post # 8
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would let the babysitter come.

And honestly, with my own family, I would prefer a trusted babysitter look after my DD instead of them in many cases.. lol Not everyone trusts their small baby with their own family sometimes.

And like the others said, seh probably doesn’t want them to have their hands full with an infant during a time when they should be enjoying themselves.

Post # 9
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

Really it is whatever you want, she should not be pushing the idea. However, I do think it is a good idea to have a baby sitter for the child.

Post # 10
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think if she sits near the back with the baby so she can run out if it gets fussy, that’s aweome. Your MIL or any other relatives I doubt would be thrilled about having to miss their son get married to change a diaper or soothe a child. I understand that you don’t want the babysitter there, but you cannot offer to have the baby in the wedding and then want it to immediately disappear.

Unfortunately I think that leaves you two reasonable choices:

1. Have the baby in the wedding and then when the dad comes down the aisle, he passes her to the babysitter in the wings who takes a seat in the back.

2. Don’t have the baby in the wedding and have the baby sitter stay upstairs the entire time.

 

As for the food issue, I wouldn’t worry. Most places have room service that can serve up a mean burger. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m in the same situation.  My brother and SIL are attending the wedding with their 20-month-old daughter, but the reception doesn’t end until 11:30.  They’re bringing a good friend from back home (8 hours away) to babysit my niece so that they don’t need to leave the wedding early.  This friend will attend the rehearsal dinner and take my niece back to the hotel room when she tires so that we can visit longer over post-dinner drinks.  She’ll do the same thing on the wedding day – we anticipate her staying for the ceremony, cocktail hour, and dinner, but leaving shortly thereafter unless my niece has a meltdown earlier.

When SIL first approached me about the idea, it sounded kind of weird.  But try to see it from another perspective – they’re trying to come up with an alternative that will allow them to stay and enjoy the entire wedding with you.  If you’re uncomfortable with this particular friend because she’s a stranger, perhaps you could arrange to have dinner with everyone and get to know her?  I’ve gotten to know my SIL’s friend at various events over the last few years and while I wouldn’t say we’re friends, I certainly like her and know her better than I know some of my ILs’ guests!

Post # 12
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

If she has a babysitter I don’t get why the baby even needs to come to the reception. I think letting her go to the ceremony to take the baby is fine, after the ceremony baby and babysitter should be gone. they should order her room service.

Post # 13
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it’s totally fine for babysitter to come with baby to ceremony – if it was a matter of you not wanting the baby there at all then I’d say no but if it’s just that you don’t want a “stranger” there than I think you’re being a bit ridiculous.  Having a 5-month old and going to a wedding let alone being in one isn’t fun to begin with. You should be making it as easy as possible on her, especially given that it is family. 

Post # 14
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I would let the babysitter come to the ceremony and I would send her a regular meal through room service to her room.

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