(Closed) Bach Party Fears.

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

sumshine.dawn:  I trust my Fiance fully, so I really don’t  mind. I don’t care for Lap dances and I would prefer they not happen but it wouldn’t bother me. 

 

Post # 3
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Im uncomfortable for you… 🙁 … I know some girls are ok with it but, Im on Team Not Acceptable … especially 4 days!! I would lose my mind ( honestlly I dont think I could marry him if he wanted to go ..im not telling you you should not marry him by any means btw) … thankfully my fiance has honestlly said the idea of a bachelor party with strippers would make him uncomfortable as well he would feel guilty… No one can tell you what to do but, I know I couldnt be okay with alll of that even with all the trust in the world I have for him 

Post # 4
Member
7432 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Let’s see: future wife says no lap dances because it’s hurtful or upsetting, versus brother says lap dances for everyone because  peer pressure drinky party time. If your Fi is not an idiot, he will grow some courage and tell his brother Thanks But No Thanks.

ps as to “why are guys creeps” ummmm actually they are not all creeps. There’s many men who have no interest in doing things that their partners feel are hurtful. It is not so much about the strippers or lap dances. It’s about him knowing what your boundaries are (and your boundaries aren’t unreasonable if that’s what works for you) and not tryimg to respect that.

Post # 5
Member
2012 posts
Buzzing bee

1. A stripper (private or not) is not the same thing as a prostitute. I know an exotic dancer who would find what you said incredibly offensive.

2. If your Fiance got upset at your request, your issue is with him and not his brother. “Trusting him to do the right thing” is all relative. Your definition of “the right thing” could be different to another person’s definition of it. For him, “the right thing” might be going along with the groom’s wishes and getting the lap dance (and to be honest, it sounds like that’s what he wants to do).

3. You asked how everyone else would handle it and personally I wouldn’t be too fussed about it. It’s not a big deal to me but everyone is different. I will be surprising him with a stripper of my choice but other brides might be disgusted by that. Everyone is different.

Post # 6
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

sumshine.dawn:  wow … He got upset because his “brother wants all his groomsmen to get lap dances”? Seriously?? 

Well to be honest, we are all very different and for some this entire event would be perfectly acceptable. BUT nobody is within their rights to tell you what should be acceptable to you. If this is a boundary for you, and your Fiance doesn’t get it, then I’d say you need to level with eachother and come to a common ground. 

For me, I have figured out over the years that this type of stuff is a deal breaker. If my Fiance was more concerned about what his brother wanted (especially with crap like that), well, thanks but no thanks. That’s why I found someone who respects my feelings and views. He’s planning to go ride around on a jet-pack for his bachelor party. Strippers aren’t even an issue.

Post # 7
Member
1647 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Uhh.. well, that’s not okay in my book. Then again, my crowd is where guys do hackathons, paintball, have beer and pizza at night, and hike in the mountains and that’s what a bachelor’s party looks like. My husband didn’t even have one as he wasn’t into it.

In the end it has to be whatever you’re comfortable with, so talk to your Fiance early and tell him exactly what you feel comfortable and aren’t comfortable with – did you see that other crazy thread where a woman is upset because her Fiance got a handjob during a lap dance? That. Exactly. 

Post # 8
Member
927 posts
Busy bee

GrumpytheDwarf:  Jet pack!? … I just googled it, I had no idea that was a thing! Cool!

sumshine.dawn:  I didn’t have to handle it, bc he didn’t want one. I probably would have been okay with strippers in our city if it came to it. But 4 nights in Vegas with guys like you’ve described? I would have respectfully asked Darling Husband not to. 

Post # 9
Member
6524 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

sumshine.dawn:  strippers, naked girls, alcohol is one thing- but lap dances are where i cross the line. Some women are okay with it but im not. Your FIs reaction getting upset and saying “buy my brother wants all the groomsmeN to get lapdances at the same time” um grow up, we dont need to hold hands while getting lap dances, and two he needs to respect you bc this makes you uncomfortable.

Post # 10
Member
688 posts
Busy bee

sumshine.dawn:  To me, lap dances, surrounding yourself with other naked women, etc. allll cheating. So it would be a dealbreaker if he was a part of this. 

Post # 11
Member
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Ok, there is a lot going on here. Let’s go over Vegas stripper/ legal prostitute/ illegal prostitute and escort. Yes, many times a girl can make this line blurry but the location does not. Strippers work in brick and mortar strip clubs. There are some “classy”, at least in strip club terms. Treasures and Saphire are great examples. There are legal prostitutes but they do not reside in Clark county (Vegas and surrounds suburbs). Prostitution is illegal in Clark county. They live in ranchs in Puhrump and beyond, that is 45 minutes west of the Strip. Then there are illegal prostitutes, the drugged up ones are around Fremont and other sketchy places. The ones that go to the hotel rooms are advertised on cards and in the back of the papers. They are also illegal! A “stripper” going up to a room is most likely, but not always, an illegal prostitute. An escort is an attractive lady who gives the girlfriend experience, you pay for her as a date and sex is implied but as that is not the contract it is a legal grey area. I have heard of topless “maids” but they are a different catagory, they generally do not do sexual favors. At least from my understanding. 

Anyway, yes, you should be Leary of girls in the room as it is most likely not legal. It can get a lot of people into some very hot water. You both need to set ground rules, and then have your man communicate them in writing to the one hosting the event. He needs to get a separate room to escape the mayhem somhe doesn’t risk your relationship. 

As for us, I know his friends get crazy. How do you think I know all this about Vegas hookers? Yes, I live here and I have heard so many stories. I don’t care about lap dances, he had plefty long before we hooked up. I know how he reacts to them, they are entertaining but not really a turn on. We go to strip clubs together sometimes and we both get a dance, spices up the night! He has more fun when we are together at the club than out with the boys now. He is allowed to touch but not full release. He friends know me and respect our relationship. They care enough about him to not jeopardize a relationship that makes him happy.

Post # 12
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

sumshine.dawn:  I think the fact that it makes you this uncomfortable should be a reason alone for him not to partake in lap dances. Some women are ok with their SO partaking in this behavior; some not. I don’t really know where I stand on it personally, but you clearly are uncomfortable. Be sure to clearly (and calmly) express to him your concerns. He should care enough about your feelings to not partake in those activities. I would say the same for you if he was this uncomfortable about something you were doing during your bachelorette. At the end of the day, I think a partner’s feelings should matter more than a bachelor party. 

Post # 13
Member
7430 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

It’s a huge problem that your Fiance isn’t taking your concerns seriously, and is basically choosing his brother’s wants over your feelings. That’s extemely immature of him, and not the way a spouse or future spouse should behave.

Post # 15
Member
7872 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t mind if my Darling Husband goes to the strip club for an hour or two for a friend’s bachelor party. But this whole weekend sound excessive. It sounds like a gross horn fest for 4 whole days. Maids? Wtf is that? 

 

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