(Closed) Bach party payment etiquette

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should a bridesmaid split the cost of a bachelorette party she couldn't attend?



  • Post # 3
    472 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I don’t think you should have to pay. But, I do think it shows how much you care for your friend that you don’t want to cause drama right before her wedding. Good for you for being the bigger person! 

    Post # 4
    2818 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    You should not be paying to attend a party you can’t go to. I think its rude that they even asked you to still pay.

    Post # 5
    4499 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    You’re not wrong. I’ve been in a lot of weddings (and have missed a lot of bachelorette parties!), and I’ve never been asked to pay for a party I didn’t attend. That’s crazy. 

    Post # 6
    7768 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    You are not wrong for the way you feel.  I don’t think there necessarily is a “right or wrong” when it comes to that.  However, def. a tricky situation.  I think it is good in this case that you are biting the bullet- but very annoying that you would be asked to pay.  I think I would either let it go (and pay) or say something to one of the other Bridesmaid or Best Man if it is worth it to you to say something.  Just try not to pay and not let it go, know what I mean?

    Post # 7
    2073 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling the way that you do.  I’m not a fan of mass emails asking for money to fund parties like that but good on your for being the bigger person about the whole situation.  Money and friends really don’t mix well…it almost always ends up being an uncomfortable situation for all involved.

    When I was a bridesmaid in my SIL’s wedding, I was not able to attend any of the prewedding parties because of travel expenses.  My other SIL (the bride’s sister) didn’t ask me for money for anything…I offered because I wanted to feel like a part of her party in some way.  You traveled to attend the shower…that should have been enough.

    Post # 8
    4654 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Slighty off topic but I read this thread title as in bach like Johann and was slightly confused.

    Post # 9
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I think its reasonable for all BMs to chip in for decorations and all that. I’m pretty shocked at the amount they spent though. With 9 BMs, $57 per person is a lot of decorations. I think you’re doing the right thing by paying though. It’s important to avoid potential drama from refusing to pay.

    Post # 10
    45 posts
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I think that is ridiculous! I would just tell the Maid/Matron of Honor that you will have spent close to two grand to be a part of this wedding and have contributed a fair share. Also, PLEASE tell us what kind of parties you ladies are giving the bride? A $600 dollar shower, and $500 dollar bachelorette party, not including alcohol, and food??? Is it just me or does it seem like maybe the bill is actually less and being spilt between less than 9! people??

    Post # 11
    154 posts
    Blushing bee

    I think it is rude that they just expected you to pay. I have planned a few bachelorette parties. I remember that one of the bridesmaids couldn’t attend the party, but she did offer to pay a portion. As tempting as it was to take her money, I didn’t. The rest of the bridesmaids just paid a little bit more each.

    Post # 12
    10635 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    There are different ways of doing it.  When I hosted some, each of us just paid for certain things, we didn’t split the costs evenly.

    Did everyone attend the shower?  If not, did they still pay their fair share?

    I would just consider it a gift to the bride.  Even if you couldn’t be there, you still wanted her to have a great party, right?

    Post # 13
    790 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Holy cow that’s a lot of bridesmaids. I personally think it was in poor taste for her to ask. Are the other bridesmaids all local or closer? I think she should have recognized your circumstances and how much more you are having to spend to attend the events you are attending. I have heard of bridesmaids begging off of attending expensive bachelorette weekends because of cost before, so I assumed that when someone doesn’t attend, she also doesn’t pay. Maybe it’s a gray area but I think she should have at least asked you how you felt about the issue rather than just make a demand for payment. It’s kind of you to try to keep the peace by chipping in.

    Post # 14
    575 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I was in a similiar situation, whereas I couldn’t attend the shower/BP. The only thing is, we all planned it via email before hand and I knew before hand we would all be spliting the costs. I think part of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is paying for shower/BP/dress. It’s kinda annoying you got a bill after the fact without any discussion, but I think it is still OK.

    Post # 15
    412 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I think its kinda crazy that she had the nerve to ask you to pay!!

    Post # 16
    7638 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    9 x 57 = 513. So they spent $513 on decorations, favours (what is this, a 6 year old’s party?) and a stripper!! Seriously? Because I object to strippers in principle, I would refuse. But if you don’t object to strippers, why should you pay for something you didn’t get to enjoy?

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