Post # 1
What is it about the bachelor party that gets some women upset? No contact? Wondering what he is doing? Him being without you?
My Fiance went to his Future Brother-In-Law party this past summer and while I felt a twinge of uncomfortableness and jealousy that he was leaving without me, I called up my girlfriends and had a wine party at my house. My girls stayed with me until my Fiance got home at 6 AM. I knew they were with strippers (and didn’t care about that) and my fiancé texted me various times through out the night (saying I love you, giving me updates, etc.) without any prompting from me.
For our parties, I think we are going to have them the same night so we can focus on having fun and not worried about the other one being home. I am looking forward to mine and his as well because this is a big moment for us, right of passage. I also don’t care about strippers so lap dances and etc. don’t bother me. I would be surprised if they went to a strip club any way, my fiancé overused them in his 20s.
Post # 3
I think it just has to do with how your relationship is. I would be hurt if my Fiance wanted a party without me, regardless of the stripper variable. The fact that he, my best friend, wouldn’t want me to be there is what would hurt me. I can’t speak for other women, but that is my perspective on it. I’m also curious to hear what other Bees think, but I do feel it’s awesome that you and your Fiance have such a good understanding. Seems like relationships are to communication, the way real estate is to location.
Edit: We’re doing a co-ed party, he feels the same way.
Post # 4
I personally don’t care about the bach party, my only request is no strippers. Mr. O isn’t into that idea anyway, so I think they’re just having a guys weekend Out of Town, but I’m fine with that!
Post # 5
I agree with everything except the lap dances. Lap dances = physical contact, just because it’s the stripper touching him doesn’t make it any more ok. I realize that this isn’t always the case, and it’s really regional and club specific. Here it is the case.
If Fiance and his friends want to go to the strip club, have at it, if they want to go to Vegas for the weekend, go right ahead. As long as he’s coming home to me when it’s all said and done, and there’s no cheating, I really don’t care what they do.
@housebee, why is that? See that idealogy doesn’t make sense to me. Fi’s my best friend of course, but he should still have a life outside of our relationship. He has friendships that pre-date me, he’s a grown man, so he should be allowed to have an evening away from his SO.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2013 - Canal St Inn
For most grooms, I don’t think it’s a matter of not wanting his lady with him. In my experience with weddings, the groom will go along with the bachelor party because traditionally it’s fun for the groomsmen. Same with the bachelorette party. It’s a night of fun with them to thank them for taking the time to be a part of an important time in their lives. And to let loose without thinking about wedding stuff for one night. But yeah, communication is key.
Post # 7
@drummerbride: We just don’t want to, all of our friends are mutual friends for the most part. We do end up spending time apart (I just went to CA for 2 weeks), but when possible, we just want the other one there. Like I said, everyone’s relationship is different and you have to do what works for that relationship. It’s like that quote in Futurama, “Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do.”
Post # 8
with all the emotional crap that bachelor(ette) parties seem to drum up, it’s a wonder why people even bother having them. Seriously.
Post # 9
I don’t judge other people’s choices, but we decided not to have the traditional “bach” parties, at all. I’ve heard so many stories about the drama those parties can cause – it wasn’t worth it to us. We partied together with all our friends, not separately. And no drama ensued!
Post # 10
I’ve wondered the same.
My theory is that it might also have to do with his friends? Even if you trust your man, if you don’t trust his friends, maybe you’re thinking they’ll plan an evening of things you two agreed he wouldn’t do, etc?
Post # 11
I think it has to do with the expectations (whether or not explicitly stated) and what actually ends up happening at the party.
Fiance and I have both discussed our expectations should we have separate parties and I have zero doubt either will do anything that falls outside of those expectations.
Post # 12
For Darling Husband, I think I was almost more excited for his bachelor party than for mine, because his best man had let me in on all of the details, and it sounded amazing. I trusted Darling Husband and his friends to not do anything too wild and crazy (and best man was awesome in that he asked me what I was comfortable with). I think it really comes down to trust – how much do you trust your SO, and how much do you think they respect you in return to not do anything that you’d be uncomfortable with?
I think it’s healthy for a couple to some things apart every now and then. Darling Husband goes away once a year to a heavy metal festival in Montreal with some friends, and I look forward to the time to myself, and to have some guilt-free girly time, where I’m not worrying about Darling Husband at home by himself or something (even though he probably relishes the evenings I’m out to play videogames all ngiht without me nagging him!). I’m actually upset that I won’t get the weekend to myself this year or for many years to come with baby on the way!
Post # 13
I don’t get a great deal of the drama associated with them – we each had our own, Out of Town bachelor/ette parties, and had a lot of fun. It is just great to spend time with your friends and take a break from wedding planning madness. I know it is relationship specific, and everyone is different, but I see a lot of posts that seem based in nothing more than a complete lack of trust in the fiance, which makes me wonder why they are marrying them?
I am certainly not saying that every concern is based in a lack of trust, but not being able to stomach having your SO out of your sight for a night or two usually strikes me as odd, and often worrisome.
Post # 14
@armychica06: I don’t get it either.
@drummerbride: “he should still have a life outside of our relationship.” This. Exactly.
I don’t want him at my bachelorette, why would I expect him to want me at his bachelor party? Strippers or no strippers, I trust him. I know that’s not always the case, but I think then you really need to take a look and figure out why that is, and why you’re bothering to marry someone you can’t trust. If you have a problem with him getting a lap dance, go to the strip club and try it yourself. You’ll see how un-sexual it actually is. Especially in a room surrounded by your friends and family.
Post # 15
@sarahbabs: I agree with you, actually. In our case we just didn’t want separate parties; also we’re older and this was not either of our first marriages. So, we’ve both been there and done that previously. We don’t have a problem being apart under other circumstances.
Post # 16
I agree with @MrsWBS: discuss the expectations each of you have ahead of time and there should be no reason you both can’t have a great time!
My Darling Husband and I had our parties the same weekend, in two different places (him: locally, mine: out of state) We both knew we’d be too busy to really chat so we agreed we’d catch up on the whole weekend on Sunday and spent the rest of the weekend texting each other when we could/needed to. By agreeing to that ahead of time and discussing what we’d each be doing at our parties it allowed us to enjoy our ourselves and on Sunday we had a great time “comparing notes.” I trust my Darling Husband and even though his friends are a little crazy and the party was really more for them then him, I knew that they weren’t going to plan or do anything that I wouldn’t be ok with.