Post # 1
I am a newlywed woman with a wonderful husband. For his bachelor party, his groomsmen/friends took him racecart driving, to the shooting range, out to dinner, gambling and they drank a lot! I know he and all the guys there had a great time. My husband really isn’t the “strip club” type. I mean, I am sure he appreciates a beautiful (topless) woman, but he said he has been to a few before we met and always felt awkward.
He is the best man at our friend’s wedding in November and the bachelor party is in October. At first they were thinking Vegas but it was too expensive. Now they are aiming for a weekend in Key West (we live in Tampa). I told my husband that I felt uncomfortable with him going to strip clubs. Call me insecure, call me untrusting, but I just get sick thinking about my husband oogling another woman’s body!
Anyway he promised me he would not, and even has already told the groom that he will not be going into the strip clubs. His friend gave him a bit of a hard time, but respected the decision.
Now I am feeling weird. I LOVE and TRUST my husband, but he is the BEST MAN…should I just give in and say to have a good time and use his best judgement and do what he wants? I am imagining my hubby sitting alone outside while everyone is inside having fun.
What should I do? Should I leave it alone? What would you do?
Post # 3
It’s really a personal decision. While I don’t think you can ultimately tell him what he can or cannot do, you’re free to express your feelings about it. Personally, I trust my DH and don’t care about strip clubs, but that doesn’t mean I want him hanging out there on a regular basis. He’s been twice in his life and I wouldn’t have an issue with him going for a bachelor party of a close friend. I wouldn’t be thrilled if he wanted to go for some random reason on a Thursday afternoon.
Post # 4
@VirgoFrancesca: let him have a good time. If you trust him, there should be no reason why you should be worried.
If he goes to this bach party, do you realize how much of a wimp he is gonna look like to his friends? “Sorry guys, I can’t go to the strip club cause the wife doesn’t like it” Even if he says something like “nah Im gonna skip that, the guys will be thinking in the back of their head that he’s not going bc of you.
Don’t stress it.
Post # 5
@VirgoFrancesca: I don’t know how to advise you on this but I want to say one thing: The fact that it upsets you and makes you feel bad to think of your husband looking at another woman in a sexual way does not, in any way, make you insecure or untrusting. I would feel the same way and I’m very confident, trusting and secure in my marriage.
I think our husbands would feel the same way if they thought we were gazing at some hot, half-naked man in a sexual way, too.
As far as having compassion for your husband feeling left out, I’m with you there. I guess you’ll have to let this be his decision. Sounds like he’s already made it. But, if he changes his mind and goes with them – TRUST him to not do anything to harm your marriage. I would hate it but under the circumstances I probably wouldn’t say too much about it if I were in your shoes. It really sounds like you have a wonderful husband who cares very deeply about you and doesn’t want to hurt you.
Good luck and I hope it all works out ok for you. Keep us posted!
Post # 6
Let them go out and have fun, by telling him “no, you cant go to a strip club” you are basically dictating his best friends bachelor party and that really isnt fair on his best friend. He is married to you so you should be able to trust him 100% doesnt matter if you are at a strip club, restaurant, office there is always going to be beautiful women, you can’t stop him from looking at them so long as he keeps his hands to himself.
Post # 7
We discussed strip clubs long before we got engaged, and both agreed it seemed weird to want to go to one when the reason you’re celebrating is that you’re getting married. We both said, if we wanted to see people naked, we’d see each other, or watch porn, rather than pay to look at some randomer in a scuzzy bar.
His best man has been in an unhappy relationship so he probably doesn’t understand that but hopefully they’ll respect our thoughts on the matter and not blindfold him and take him off to a strip club. I think if they did, I’d be a bit annoyed, but only that they didn’t listen to us, rather than because I’m jealous/worried etc.