Post # 1
Hi Bees! As all brides will go through, I am having Bachelor Party Fear. My fiancé knows how I feel about strip clubs and told me that for his bachelor party he would rather go for dinner and drinks and skip the strip club.
Of course I trust him, but am afraid he will not communicate this well enough to the guys. I am also afraid they will hire a private stripper(s) and will have them perform a fantasy show.
The help that I need is how to make sure there will be no strippers/strip clubs at his bachelor party without being annoying.
If you are wondering why this type of entertainment bothers me
<li style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘.SF UI Text’; color: #454545;”>Alcohol will be involved
<li style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘.SF UI Text’; color: #454545;”>He will be the center of attention
<li style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘.SF UI Text’; color: #454545;”>Afraid things will go too far since he will be turned on
Post # 2
livinglife : Of course I trust him…Afraid things will go too far since he will be turned on
No one has to be okay with their partner being around strippers but if you are afraid that your fiance will cheat on you with a stripper in the run up to your wedding then no, you don’t trust him.
I’m not sure what more you want to hear from us or your fiance. He told you there won’t be strippers, asking him over and over will not make you feel any more secure.
Post # 3
livinglife : sorry bee, but not “all brides go through bachelor party fear”. i certainly didn’t (i was PSYCHED about DH’s party) and I don’t know anyon else IRL in a *good* relationaship who did. if you’re experienceing this, then it seems lik you have either some trust issues (you don’t trust that the party is what he says it is) or some respect issues (he doesn’t respect your feelings about strippers).
Post # 4
It takes two to do something. A woman can throw herself all over a man but the man has to consent for anything to happen.
Alcohol does lower your inhibitions but if you are afraid he will cheat because he’s drunk, there will be plenty of other occasions for him to drink where he can cheat.
He’s responsible if he cheats, not the other woman
Post # 5
If you can trust him and he respects you A) he won’t hang out with the type of people who would bring them anyway once he says no. B) if they do, he’ll leave.
that’s it. Anything else, once you’ve made it clear that it’s a no-go, is 100% unacceptable and disrespectful. You’ll need to decide now if it’s even a dealbreaker – some women have found their fiances will do it anyway – or otherwise have a plan for if he disrespects your needs in this situation. You’ll need to stick to it.
For what it’s worth, all brides don’t go through this. Most brides don’t go through this. There is no good reason for a bachelor party to involve strippers and a “last hurrah” if they are fully in love with you AND it’s not something both of you are fine with anyway (some are). There are TONS of activities the guys can do instead, from hunting or fishing, going on a big hike, having a bbq, to bowling or shooting pool all night. The world is a fun place.
Post # 6
If you think he’ll go too far then you don’t trust him, as previously mentioned.
With that said I understand the worry and concern. It’s hard not to worry, but you really need to trust what he says. My Fiance went on a multi night bachelor for his, and I was worried. Not just because there could be strippers but also because they were drinking lots on a lake, throwing each other in, etc. I had safety concerns. haha. He expressed to his best man that there were to be no strippers under any circumstances. He made it clear to him that he wasn’t interested and not to waste their money. And you know what, everyone understood and there were no strippers. If your Fiance doesn’t want them he just needs to stand his ground with the guys and let them know. My Fiance also called me every night (he’s a big sap, gets a bit sad if we dont chat everyday) and filled me in on everything, so I always knew he was safe.
Post # 7
my fi and I have talked a couple of times and he knows that one of my boundaries is strip clubs, it is plain and clear and he understands. He knows if his boys bring him he wont have fun and will ask to leave. I dont think they would do that just becaues they know his personality.
If your fi boys are stupid and dont care about respecting his wishes, all he has to do is leave, that’s on them if he has told them ahead of time he’s not interested/doesnt want a stripper/strip club.
Its up to him to enforce what you both agree to and respect you if the opportunity comes up but you cant get mad at him for something that hasnt happened yet.
Good luck Bee!
Post # 8
Yeah, not all brides go through this fear. My husband’s bachelor party was a last minute thing that involved dinner and drinks with like 4 dudes. He and I both think strip clubs are gross so that was never a concern for me.
As for what to do…make it clear to your fi that you are not okay with strippers, and do not worry about being “annoying.” If you can’t trust your fi to respect you and stand up to his friends on that — to prioritize the feelings of his future wife over his bros — then frankly youi’ve got way bigger issues than a potential stripper, and should be rethinking whether this man is marriage material.
Post # 9
i want to point out that strippers aren’t prostitutes, so i’m not sure what you mean by ‘things will go too far’.
that being said, if you don’t feel comfortable with your fiance having strippers at his bachelor party, tell him that. it isn’t annoying to be honest. you don’t have to make demands, if you have strong feelings about there not being strippers and he has already said he doesn’t care either way…i don’t see why it should be an issue to go to him and say “honey, it is important to me that there not be strippers at your bachelor party. i know you said you aren’t keen on the idea either, but i don’t know if you have talked to your friends about your preferences not to have strippers be involved…?”
Post # 10
It doesn’t sound like you trust him. What about his friends? What kind of men are they? Of course, they can’t make your fiance do anything he doesn’t want to do so it still comes down to if you trust him or not. If he has shitty friends and can’t stand up for himself (or actually wants to go along with it) then you have bigger problems and I’d probably reconsider the relationship.
If you trust him and he respects your wishes they either won’t have a stripper or he will get up and leave. There’s not really anything you can do other than have the discussion on what is not okay to you. But don’t be the nice girl, make it 100% clear what you expect and what is a dealbreaker. If he does it anyway, you have to be prepared to follow through and leave.
My husband went to vegas with his 2 brothers and best friend. I trust all of them TBH (not really the strip club types) and they never went to a strip club or even regular club while they were there. This isn’t something that all men feel the need to do.
Post # 11
OP, this isnt a fear that all brides go through. You obviously do not trust your fiancé to do the right thing. Also alcohol isn’t a valid excuse for lowering your inhibition to do something completely out of character. My husband could be rip roaring drunk and his face would never ‘accidentally’ fall on a random girls breasts and start motor boating them. That is not his character at all and no matter how under the influence of alcohol he would never behave that way! A whole pizza better watch out though!!
OP, You have every right to not feel comfortable with your fiancé going to a strip club but your worry that he will somehow go against your wishes despite him telling you otherwise really speaks to your lack of trust. I don’t know if he’s broken your trust in the past or someone else has done a number on you but no healthy relationship is possible without trust. You need to examine this feeling because its not healthy.
Post # 12
Wow. Completely agree with PP that A) this is not a fear that all brides go through and B) you very obviously don’t trust your fiancee. If you have told him already you don’t want them there, then that’s it. Either you trust him to not have them and leave if they do or you don’t. Again, strippers are not prostitutes. They have no desire to sleep with your drunk fiancee. They are there to do a job and leave.
Post # 13
It’ll be okay, bee. Even if there’s strippers, it’ll be okay. Tell him what you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with, tell him you trust him.
Post # 14
I discussed with my husband that I was uncomfortable with strip clubs (and ESPECIALLY private strippers). His brother was pushing very very hard for a stripclub/stripper and he said he would walk out if they tried it. They did not lol.
Just an FYI – private strippers are sex workers. If you are debating between a strip club or private strippers – go for the club. They at least have some sort of regulations.
Post # 15
I know you came here looking for advice on how to keep your husband from having strippers at his bachelor party, but I hope you’re hearing the other advice people are giving you. If you’re worried about him getting too drunk and going too far with a stripper, there’s a lack of trust there. It’s important to think about that and figure out where that feeling is stemming from so that it can be worked on.
As far as having strippers at the bachelor party, it’s valid that you wouldn’t want them there. A lot of people feel like it’s disrepectful to their relationship to spend one of the nights before the wedding ogling other women. I wouldn’t worry about it going “too far” because, like PPs have said, they’re not prostitutes. But if the idea of it makes you uncomfortable for other reasons, it’s definitely fair to bring that up with your fiancé and ask him to respect your wishes.