Post # 1
Okay here it is. I honestly don’t like the idea of a bachelor party. I actually do not want my FI to have one and myself included. We’ve been together for 5 years. I feel that neither of us are really single. I wouldn’t go out and go crazy in a club on a normal day out of respect for my FI. Why would I do that before really committing myself to him? I feel the same should apply for my FI. Obviously he doesn’t feel the same. He says he doesn’t “really” want it but still to me he’s showing all signs that he wants to have one. I actually do have some trust issues here because my FI is notorious for lying. Blaming it all on misunderstanding and miscommunication. Honestly that’s the only flaw in our relationship.
I don’t know what to do. I’m just becoming more and more upset with this whole conversation. I keep telling him that it makes me worry and it makes me feel uneasy. He just keeps responding with, “and you want to get married?”
Ugh, I feel miserable. Some guys are adamant about camping trips or poker nights but mine feels like he has to have this type of night. I know I’m a big softy but this kinda hurts. Why must he feel like he HAS to have this night?
Post # 4
I am currently dealing with the same drama. Both my fiance and I have agreed no strippers…However, I will be going out for dinner, drinks, and dancing with my friends. My friends are aware that I want nothing crazy…I am almost 30, I do not need a tiara, shirt, or any other junk to drawn notice to me. I do not want that. Preferably no one else should know I am the bachelorette except the people in the party. There are several reasons we have made this decision. One I converted religions to marry him in the catholic church. This took over a year of classes and church attendance every sunday. I actually enjoy going to church…It brings piece to my somewhat stressful life and intend on continuing to go to church after the marriage. I did not do this just to get married in the catholic church.
Secondly, I feel there is a difference between speading a night out on the town with your friends and pushing the limits of fiedelity. In college a friend and I ordered two strippper for a friends birthday which came to the house my friend and I rented. What I saw was disgusting and that is nicest terms I can say. These girls did things I wouldnt say loud in a room of grown adults. There were no bouncers, and if us two girls had not been there, alot more would have happen…not that I had not seen enough. If my fiance did half of what was done at this birthday party I would leave him. Period end of story and this wasnt a bachelor party…That is not the way to start a healthy marriage. This is why the divorce rate is over 50% bc we allow this crap into our relationships.
The third reason is because of my history. About 7 years ago I was brutally sexaully assaulted by someone who broke into my apartment. I will not go into details other to say that it has taken me alot to bring my head above water and be in a commited relationship where I trust someone fully. Which I think any woman could understand.
Because of all of this we made this agreement with one another. Not because I forced him to, but because he values me. Now is bestman has his paties in a bunge. My fiance made his wishes clearly know, but his best man’s response was “you dont have a choice, you dont get to plan this party”. I am very upset by this…Of the 95% of men being invited are married including the BM. No one else is pushing this except him and his wife (yes, bc of what occurred at his BP, she thinks its only fair…payback-cruel considering she is one of my bridesmaids huh?). I hate to say it but this is stressing me out more than the actual wedding planning.
All I can say is that I have let me feelings be know and I can only trust my fiance will act upon or agreement. I have been honest and stated I do not think I could move on with marriage if anything happen that I consider cheating. At this point I am wishing that they would do this party and get it over before I sent out the invites. That way I can save face if anything happens that I can’t live with.
Post # 5
nothing is saying that you have to do the bachelorette party like that tell your gal pals and tell them what you really dont want follow with thing you would like but really it just a night hanging with you girlfriend before the wedding to congrats you on soon to be marry.. for him tell him you know the couple thing that may make you unease but remember he marry you.. take a break from planning and stressing and have fun…
but you know i think you should do it even if it not what every person think it should be like… here example scavger hunt and the movies (going to a house and making an extreme girly night) either way i would look at it more openly
Post # 6
Him saying, “and you want to get married?” after you have expressed that you are NOT comfortable with a BP party sounds completely dismissve of your feelings and manipulation of your feelings. I am just going to say that if you have problems with communication, I would consider going to counselling as it is a fundamental part of a good marriage.
When you are married obviously going to have to compromise on. That goes for anyone. Is there an activity that you ARE comfortable with? Like him and his buddies going camping? or going out to do “x sport?” I mean it doesn’t have to be strippers and beer (which in my province it is illegal to have in the same establishment) but it can just be getting even drunk at your house or something after a game or something. I am just throwing stuff out there as I don’t know your relationship.
Post # 7
I agree with @sceeder and @pizza0311 (so sorry to hear of your past)
I don’t understand how bachelor & bachelorette parties got stuck with such a bad rap. To me, marriage is a celebration, not a lock-down which prevents either of you from having any fun again. I’m all for celebrating but I don’t understand the “need” to dress up like a hooker or watch strippers all night. I am personally thrilled the days of bar-hopping are long behind me.
The fact that he feels he “has” to have this night is his personal decision, but I encourage you guys to talk it out. Starting a marriage with the doors of communication partly closed like that probably isn’t the best.