Bachelor party advice

posted 2 months ago in Grooms/men
Post # 2
Member
2708 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I personally wouldn’t be with a man if I couldn’t trust him in any scenario, that includes being drunk around naked women at a bachelor party… I guess I never understand the whole “I trust him BUT..” type things  

why don’t you just talk to your fiancé And discuss your boundaries? 

sheaswhitexeyes :  

Post # 5
Member
2708 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

You shouldn’t feel that way, as long as you don’t come at him in an accusatory way he should be able to understand that you’re feeling uneasy. 

sheaswhitexeyes :  

Post # 6
Member
876 posts
Busy bee

sheaswhitexeyes :  funny that you replied to the PP comment that way. I think thats a good observation to bring up. I trust my man completely, and he himself isnt a fan of strip clubs as he says he feels gross in there. That aside, he is also a n easily persuaded person. If a friend or person tells him to go do something wiht them, out of kindness and not rejecting a friendly offer, he would more than likely go. He’s been to many bachelor parties where they go to strip clubs or have strippers, and shows how uncomfortable he is there, but he goes for his buddies. 

 

I think your guy would just be going with the flow like you said, and just enjoying his friends and acknowledging that theyre tryign to give him a good time. Dont stress too much, but if you absolutely need to, id talk to your Fiance about it and vocalize that you are not comfortable with it. he should respect your wishes and let his brother know the plan. It shouldnt be a big deal on calling it off on his end, if he really loves and respects your wishes/concerns. 

Post # 9
Member
4647 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

If you really think he would cheat on you because his brother egged him on then I would be seriously reconsidering this relationship. I couldn’t imagine being with someone if I thought they could be talked into breaking our trust so easily. 

To me this isn’t even about strip clubs, you are within your right to be against them and not want him to go at all but it sounds like your main problem is that you don’t trust your fiancé around these friends which means you don’t actually trust him. 

Post # 10
Member
9515 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Bottom line, you don’t trust him to stand up for himself to those around him. 

I agree with the PPs. What if his brother egged him on to hook up with someone at work or at a party or literally anywhere else? It’s not the strip club, it’s the fact he won’t do the right thing if it comes down to it.

Post # 11
Member
1442 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

If you truly don’t think he’d want a lap dance but somebody might get him one… should it really bother you? It’s against his will and a one day in his life thing. 

Isnt the issue really if he tries to make it happen?

or are you concerned that your best friend will have little enough respect that he’ll turn a free lap dance into sex? 

Post # 12
Member
2412 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’d be super uncomfortable as well. It would be a no-go for me. My husband and I have the understanding that we won’t place ourselves in compromising situations out of respect for each other. We don’t do the whole stripper porn thing because it compromises our values. I’m definitely not the “cool girl” and have never wanted to be. 

Yes. I would consider it cheating if my husband picked up some random woman & participated in her getting down to her scivvies and dry humping him. Yeah. Not cool. And that’s without any money exchanging hands. Him paying for it doesn’t somehow make it better.

Post # 13
Member
11337 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

In addition to the issue of not trusting what he might do in this situation, who says drunken lap dances or strip clubs are some obligatory rite of passage? You can just say no. 

Post # 14
Member
313 posts
Helper bee

Unpopular opinion, but what about combining the bachelor and bachelorette parties into one big party? If you’ve known each other for 10 years you probably share mutual friends anyways.

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