Post # 1
My Fiance had his bachelor party this weekend. I figured theyd probs go to a strip club. Im not a huge fan but Im not a very jealous person so I wouldve been okay with him going and getting a dance or whatever.
Anyway, i was asking him about the weekend, and he told me everything, including that they went to this club. I asked if he had a dance, and he said no, but they did this thing where they dragged him on stage and whipped him. I dont know why but this crossed a line for me, i just felt this huge lump in my throat and burst into tears. He had no idea why i was so upset.
I find the whole thing gross, and totally humiliating. My little brother was there and saw this..for some reason that is what hurts me the most, Im just so embarassed and upset My Fiance would let it happen. He has welts and bruises on his ass where they pulled his pants down to whip him.
I spent ages last night crying, he apologised several times. His brother in law who was there, told me his friends paid, he was dragged up, he was pissed and he couldnt be lame and say no. He said it was more funny than sexual, and my Fiance said he didnt enjoy it and was happy when it was over. I did forgive him and we made up, but today i just keep thinking about it. I have these horrid images in my head.
What shall I do? Do you think I should just let it go and try to get over it? Or talk to him again about why Im hurt….I really wish he hadnt done that 🙁
Post # 3
I think you need to get over it. He did nothing wrong. Don’t make him feel guilty about one event (that probably lasted 30 seconds) ruin his whole memory of his bachelor party.
Post # 4
Let it go. Your fiancé can’t go back in time to undo it.
Post # 5
I honestely do think you should just let it go and get over it.
He hasn’t done anything to hurt you – he was drunk and playing about with his friends. As you said – it wasn’t sexual and there’s nothing to be upset about.
As for feeling embarrassed because your brother was there, that’s again something not worth worrying about. Do you think your brother will have less respect for him because he got up on the stage? Chances are your brother knew exactly what was going on and won’t care about it in the slightest.
What’s done is done. It wasn’t his fault and it certainly isn’t his fault that you’re upset about it. I personally don’t even think he needed to apologise for it, either. Because you didn’t say “no don’t do that” and he did it anyway. So he shouldn’t have to be sorry. But that’s my opinion.
Let it go.
Post # 6
Thanks. I think I already knew I needed to let it go, just needed the confirmation. I wont bring it back up.
Having said that I didnt know that him getting whipped was even a possibility, so I didnt even think to ask him not to!
One thing i will say though is that if someone else told me this happened to their Fiance i would probs have the same reaction as you guys…but when its your Fiance it does feel different. The images are not nice!!
Post # 7
Curious, what is his take on Strip Clubs now… has it changed since this experience?
And for the record I get WHY you are upset.
Because you actually see it for what it was… not funny at all… but quite obviously a humiliating experience (and a PAINFUL one for your Hubby-2-B).
I’m always upset when something happens awful to Mr TTR… stubs a toe, gets a splinter… whatever, because I LOVE him and hate to see him hurting. Only understandable.
You obviously are feeling for your guy because you love him… and be it physical pain (the whipping) or emotional pain (the humiliation), I think your response is totally normal given the circumstances.
Post # 8
@This Time Round: Thanks. You have sort of hit it on the head here, I dont consider this cheating, I dont feel angry witn him because hes betrayed my trust in anyway. i just feel horribly embarassed…he was humiliated, and I feel humiliated too. I cant explain it.
He doesnt like strip clubs. He never liked them and would never be the type to suggest one. But he likes a good time with his friends so he goes along with whatever. Hes actually a pretty shy person on the whole.
Post # 9
Grooms feel a lot of pressure to go along with bucks night plans and no-one likes to be a party pooper so I get him feeling like he had to do it.
Just remember it could have been way worse!
Post # 10
Yeah, i know it wouldnt have been his decision!! And yes i can think of worse things too. Hopefully the images will fade with time….
Post # 11
I think you’re going to have to work through it and get past it, because what is the alternative? But I totally understand why you’re upset.
And when, WHEN, are grooms going to get it through their heads that saving face for the guys – in the moment when they’re going along with something they don’t even want to do – is a bad idea? That it will not have any good outcomes?
Post # 12
Wow. Just wow. My Fiance says he’s seen it happen before and the guy (your fiance) has no control over it. I am a lawyer and I can’t even imagine how the friends can sign away his rights to sue…I guess I need to look this up! Anyway, I would be FURIOUS with the friends and make sure they are un-invited to the wedding or wedding party. These are not friends you want to keep associating with.
Post # 13
What are you planning on doing about it? Can you undo what’s already been done? I think you’ve already made your point — he knows it upset you. There’s not much more he can do than apologize. As long as he doesn’t make it a regular occurance I wouldn’t be too worried. The great thing about bachelor parties is that he’ll never have another one.
Post # 14
Yeah, i cant do a thing, its done. I did tell him never to do it again and he said that would never happen!
@bazingau – ha, then Fiance would have no friends at the wedding! These are his mates, we have been together 9 years so I know them really well, they are also my friends. They are good guys on the whole…guess they just got carried away with the whole bachelor thing.
I think I may need to buy a whip and do a little s&m of my own!!!
Post # 15
I’ve seen this in person before, and it is not sexual at all. It’s actually quite funny and meant to be a comical thing.
Post # 16
@deetroitwhat: Thankyou, that is reassuring!