- 4 years ago
Hi everyone! This is my first post, so be kind I have really enjoyed reading the other posts on the forums, and I feel like this is a great place to get some input! (This is going to be lengthy because of details needed to get the full story)
My fiancé’s brother is getting married the first weekend in October and his bachelor party festivities have been, and continue to be a source of contention in our relationship. My fiancé is 37, and significantly older and more mature than most of his brother’s friends. This past weekend was (apparently) round 1 of the bachelor party activities. My fiancé, his two brothers (One being the groom) and three other guys in the wedding party went shark fishing on Montauk. It was a Friday to Sunday trip, and I had some anxiety about it he day he left, and after I expressed those feelings to him, he made sure to make the effort to make me feel comfortable all weekend. Anyway, the weekend went pretty smoothly, they went fishing for 10 hours Saturday and out dinner and for drinks. Ok fine. I can deal with that. He left early Sunday morning to come home. I was thinking his brother had his bachelor weekend and its done it was very expensive (especially for us, as only one other person in the wedding party has a good paying job), I would say it was a $2000 weekend, as he had to cover costs to make up for other people being unable/unwilling to pay their share.
Last night, I went on my ipad, and I went to check my email. My fiancé had used it earlier and left up an email (we have an open door policy with emails, texts, etc and neither feels the need to snoop) from Adam, who is the best man. Adam is very immature, will drink until he blacks out and wets the bed (this happened over the weekend as well). The email had a basic account of the weekend and listed what money people owed if any and he closed the email saying he wants to put together a dinner locally so that other friends, and I think one groomsman, who didn’t get to go to Montauk can celebrate. Which is all fine and dandy. He then went on to say that they would go out after to a bar and then go to a strip club (he suggested not in NYC, because and I quote “they suck and are expensive”) and that they would go out in White Plains and then go over to Stiletto “for titties” ( that’s quoted as well), which is across the bridge in Nyack. I know someone that worked as a bouncer there, and the club is raunchy, fully nude, anything goes (i.e. strippers using sex toys on each other) etc. and the girls will do anything to make a buck. They don’t serve alcohol there, but the guys will have been drinking all night at that point (which also makes me think about how they will get there). I have no issues with going out to dinner or out for drinks after. I do have an issue with the strip club. I have made it clear to my fiancé that although I trust him, strip clubs are a place that I feel, a guy in a relationship does not belong. I have had previous boyfriends go, and the situations they got themselves into were enough for me to leave those relationships. I have a huge issue with the belief that we as women need to accept that as part of getting married or being with someone going to a bachelor party that strip clubs are a part of it. And if you don’t want to go along with it, you’re a nagging, controlling shrew. I have made it clear to him that I am not okay with him going at all, and that no one is holding a gun to his head saying “you have to go to a strip club”. He knows that I would never go to a place like that, with men or women dancers because it’s not my thing, so it’s easy for him to say that he wouldn’t care if I did. I explained to him that I feel it’s disrespectful to our relationship and to me, as I don’t want naked girls around him, on him, whatever the case. The group he would be with would egg on bad behavior. I also don’t think his brother, the groom, wants to go to a strip club either. He is a very mellow, shy guy and even his mother said he would be uncomfortable when the subject came up in the past. Apparently the bride doesn’t care. And I don’t think his best man cares if it’s something the groom wants to do or not. They just feel that’s what you do for a bachelor party.