(Closed) Bachelor Party Anxiety

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
925 posts
Busy bee

Eew. I wouldn’t want my Fiance going there either.

Post # 4
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

What matters most is what matters to you. There are many couples that don’t think this is a big deal. My personal preference for our own parties is no strippers. I haven’t had to deal with other people’s parties, so I’m not sure what my advice would be. But hypothetically, I’d ask that he attend other festivities but not the strip club. Just my 2 cents.

Post # 5
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee

I think strip clubs are gross and strippers are nasty. So…I don’t really care if my SO is reminded with how good he has it 🙂

I can understand why you feel uncomfortable but I also think 100% trust means that you don’t say absolutely no to him going. I think its a bit odd when one partner draws a firm line like that.

If I were in your position…I wouldn’t want him to go but I also wouldn’t make a huge deal out of it if he does go.

Maybe he could attend all the festivities and leave early?

It’s just my opinion!

Post # 9
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

If that was my SO, I wouldnt want him to go. Id honestly be mad if he went or wanted to go. I know there are many couples out there who are okay with this kind of stuff, but I personally think that if you are in a happy and committed relationship, there should be no reason for you to seek out other naked/half naked men or women. 

Post # 10
Member
11533 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Your relationship, your call. Lots of people will tell you it’s no big deal, but they aren’t you. It is a mistake to not be clear about this before it happens. Be clear, don’t let your guilt or feeling like the odd person out cause you to waffle, because he could read that as a go. 

Post # 11
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

I hope you don’t allow this to give you too much anxiety. It sounds like this is a boundary for you (it is for me as well, but to each their own) and you’ve discussed this with your Fiance who already agreed he wouldn’t go to a strip club. At this point, if he goes he’s not only not respecting your feelings on the matter but would also be breaking his word to you, all for a night at a strip club. That would be very troubling to me. Of course, only you can decide what to do if this happens, but my main advice would be to be open with how you feel (and it seems you have) and to be secure in the fact that you have an absolute right to define your own personal boundaries, others’ opinions and peer pressure notwithstanding.

Post # 12
Member
336 posts
Helper bee

destk511:  First of all, you’re being perfectly reasonable, and there’s no need to defend your views on this one. We do not need to accept the objectification and degradation of women – as if there isn’t enough of that in this world.

What concerns me is this: “Although he feels it’s not a big deal to go, and thinks it’s ridiculous to feel the way I do” and the fact that he said he wouldn’t go, but the email shows otherwise. Your Fiance should be on the same page as you. Now I wouldn’t assume that he still plans on going, but I wouldn’t wait for him to bring it up either. Why not just ask him directly? Playing the waiting game will only make you feel more anxious and resentful if he doesn’t bring the strip club up.

Post # 13
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Here we go again.  

OK.  So here’s the bottom line.  You are either with a guy who shares your values, or you aren’t.  You either care that he shares your values, or you don’t.  And those are your choices.  You can’t magically ask an apple to become an orange because you like oranges better.  You ditch the apple and go find an orange.  Easy peasy.

But you know what’s both immature and wildly unrealistic?  Expecting a 37-year-old dude to change who he is because you can’t deal with it.  And yeah, “respecting the relationship” and all that, guess what?  He doesn’t see it that way.  And you do.  And neither one of you is right or wrong, you’re just not on the same page.  And how can you get on the same page?  You can’t.  

So you need to either stop dating the apple and go find an orange who agrees with you that strip clubs have no place in your relationship, or you need to trust the apple that you have and stop complaining about shit that’s not gonna change.

And that’s my 2 cents.

Post # 14
Member
3725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t see the harm. He’s going to watch people dance. He’s not trying to stick his dick in them. If it’s a rare thing, let it go!

Post # 15
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

Kikibear:  couldn’t have said it better myself!

The topic ‘Bachelor Party Anxiety’ is closed to new replies.

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