(Closed) Bachelor party anxiety, plz help… (probably tmi) UPDATED

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 61
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1767 posts
Buzzing bee

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mg1363:  He can’t because he doesn’t want to. First she’s saying she doesn’t want him to go but then she’s not happy with him being honest with his best man? She’s saying she doesn’t want to “be that girl” but she is, plain and simple. He clearly wants to go but is still factoring in her feelings and is going to talk to his best man but that’s still not good enough. What more does she want? It’s unfair for her to want to save face but not let him save face by being honest. She clearly wants him to say, “Okay honey, just because you don’t want me to go, I won’t” but he’s being honest with her for which he deserves credit. He’s not being childish…quite the contrary. He’s attempting to compromise but she isn’t happy about that. Life isn’t always fair and she won’t ALWAYS get her way when there is someone else’s wants and needs to consider. Marriage is about give and take. If she can’t understand that then she’s clearly not ready to get married.

Post # 62
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272 posts
Helper bee

Maybe I missed something, but I thought OP has since resolved this issue with her FI? 

Post # 63
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1767 posts
Buzzing bee

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ags88:  OP, did you happen to catch that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie and Big is having an affair and she’s complaining to him about hating having to sneak around? He picks up the phone and is about to call his wife to ask for a divorce but then Carrie stops him. Your situation kind of reminds me of that scene. Sorry to say but Carrie was being a brat and you’re coming across as one too. One minute she’s whingeing that she hates sneaking around but then when he’s going to do something about it and fix the problem she’s not happy with that either. Your Fiance has said he would speak to his best man about this issue but that’s still not good enough for you. You need to accept that you’re the only one who doesn’t want him to go. He clearly wants to go ut feels like he can’t because you don’t want him to. He wants to be honest with his best man but you don’t want that either. You pretty much won’t be happy until he calls his best man and says, “I don’t want to go” but that would make him a liar. You need to compromise a little here. If you want him to have a word to his best man then you can’t dictate what he says. He’s giving you an inch, don’t try to take a mile. At the end of the day there are actually a**holes out that that would say, “Screw what you want and forget your feelings, I’m going” but he’s not saying that. He’s at least going to bring up the conversation with his best man.

Post # 64
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1767 posts
Buzzing bee

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missxmelon:  She hasn’t. It’s still kind of been left in the air. He said he’s speak to his best man about it but she doesn’t want him to be honest and say it’s because she doesn’t want him to go. She’s still not satisfied so it has not yet been resolved.

Post # 65
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Buzzing bee

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missxmelon:  Just saw the other thread. I don’t know why this older one was revived.

Post # 66
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1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

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Sukii:  I haven’t read the other thread so I’m not sure how it’s resolved, but wanted to comment back.

He doesn’t ever come out and just say “I want to go”. He plays innocent like he’s not man enough to tell his friends no…despite the fact that he clearly just wants to go. Therefore he’s not being honest at all…at least not with her. And I’m sorry, but giving credit to someone just for “being honest” is such a joke. Like we should let people get away with anything because hey, at least they were honest. There’s ways for him to handle the situation with his best man without throwing her under the bus. A compromise would be him going to the strip club and not getting a lapdance (which he couldn’t even agree to do!). Where’s the compromise in that?! 

Post # 67
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I totally understand where you are coming from and I feel for you bee 🙁 I wish I could help you more. I am in a similar situation, I was raped and my offender made me do “stripper” type things during the assault while covering my mouth as I cried, so I of course am not okay with Fiance going to strip clubs and getting dances and all that after I was forced to do that, his asnwer to me was oh so some asshole is going to ruin my bachelor party (the asshole being the man who raped me) and he tells me im crazy.

 

So I understand where you are coming from. I am crying now just thinking about my situation, so I know you can only be just as upset about yours.

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