(Closed) Bachelor party anxiety, plz help… (probably tmi)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1265 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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ags88:  I think that you have a couple of options. I am sure that there are tons but these are the ones as I see them. 

1.) Set boundaries, calmly explain that going to strip clubs is overstepping boundaries and why you feel that way. Tell him that if he goes, you’d be forced to walk away. Then wait on your Fiance to decide. If him going to a strip club is truly a deal breaker, say that and be prepared to actually walk away if he goes because you can’t dictate what he can and cannot do, he’s an adult after all, you can only set / express your personal boundaries and live by them.

2.) Determine that it’s not a deal breaker, but you’d rather that he not go. Express that and live with his decision with no grudges. 

3.) Don’t worry about it at all. Let the decision be up to him and don’t give it a 2nd thought. If you trust him (assuming you mean to be faithful to you), and you choose to let the decision be his, never ask what he did for his party and move forward with your marriage. 

 

 

Post # 17
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

I have told my Fiance I’m not OK with strippers, ever, including a bachelor party. He doesn’t see strippers as a big deal, and I know wouldn’t care if I saw male strippers. However, because I’m not OK with it, he isn’t doing it…said it wasn’t a big deal and not worth hurting me or causing problems between us. I trust him, so I feel confident this is true. However, if he were the type to insist for tradition or go behind my back (which is even worse) we would have problems and there’s a strong chance he would be the wrong guy for me. I think both perspectives are valid. However, ignoring how your partner feels and her relationship boundaries is NOT OK. And being willing to do stuff and hide it is even worse. I don’t have advice. I would have a difficult time in your situation. But I will say I think you have a right to be upset.

Post # 18
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Whats wrong with him going to a strip club? He loves you, he proposed to you, he’s going to marry you. And he’s already proven that when he does go; he comes home to you and “rocks your world.” If you dont trust him, that’s something different altogether and you need to re examine your relationship. If you do trust him; let him go. You can ask that he not touch the girls or get lap dances, but I don’t feel like you should start off your marriage forbidding a man you trust from doing something. 

Post # 19
Member
2922 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

My SO is a grown man and I don’t make his decisions, but he cares about me and if he knew something made me uncomfortable he wouldn’t do it, period. Not because I told him not to, because he wants me to feel good. He has never been to a strip club and it’s not his scene at all and he would probably decline an invitation, but if he did decide to go to support a friend I would be ok with it because I trust him and I know hes not interested in strippers.

The problem here is that you know your Fiance is into it and that bothers you, you don’t want him coming home to you after getting turned on by someone else and that’s totally understandable. I think you should let him know WHY it bothers you and express your insecurity about it. Your feelings are valid, and although we live in a society that promotes the idea that men need or deserve this kind of activity and that women who are against it are just jealous and crazy, the truth is its between the two of you and you are allowed to have your opinions and feelings. You don’t need to be the “cool wife”. 

Post # 20
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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juliaGG:  YOU ARE SO LUCKY! I wish my Fiance could take advice from yours!

Post # 21
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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mightyduck17:  aww, haha. He is a sweetie pie!

Post # 22
Member
4113 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t think your relationship is very strong if you have to forbid another adult  to do something..

You set boundaries in relationships, if him not going to strip clubs is one of yours.. That’s cool but, you cannot forbid someone from doing something that you’ve communicated is not ok with you. What you can do.. Is question your relationship and the character of your spouse when they hear your boundaries and blatantly dismiss them. That’s the real problem here in my opinion.

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