- 10 years ago
I’ve never posted anything on this board before and hadn’t heard that it existed until my fiancee told me that she was reading this and that it was making her quite upset. She is quite seriously considering calling off the wedding. I’ve told her not to believe everything that she reads on these Internet boards, but now I am caving and asking for your opinion (whoever "you" are…). Please feel free to post responses either addressed to me or to my fiancee – I’m going to ask her to read this after (if she doesn’t find it herself first).
I recently returned from a bachelor party in Vegas. I admitted that I had gotten a lap dance that my best man bought. She seemed OK with it until she started reading about it the next day (Googled "bachelor party" and "lap dance" I think) and now says that she feels cheap, betrayed and stupid for getting tricked into a relationship with someone that could do something like this to her. She says now that she thinks that I am in the "top 10%" of sketchiness (a statement that I would find funny for its absurdity if it were in a movie instead of my real life).
Here is what happened (sorry for length): On our last night, we planned to go out to a nice steak dinner and then to a club. To get into the club as a group of guys, we have to get bottle service, etc., so we did. A part of my group (including best man) was concerned with spending that much money (they’d already spent a ton paying for the whole trip – flight, dinners, etc.) and decided to split off. (The original plan was for them to wait in line and meet us inside, but they gave up when it was clear it would take forever.) I went into the club and had a great time. At a late hour, I get a text from the splinter group saying that they were at a strip club and that I should meet up with them. Before I get into philosophizing as to why I went, suffice it to say that I did and that once there my best man bought me a lap dance.
Now as to why I went? Well, it’s pretty simple: I felt bad that it was the last night of the trip and I had spent the last 4-5 hours hanging out with one group and none with the other (which included my best friend/man). Yes, of course I was pretty drunk after helping get through 2 bottles at the club, but that’s a cop-out. I knew where I was going and what goes on there.
Some background: I’ve been to strip clubs before as part of other bachelor parties, which I’ve always told her about. I’d never gotten a lap dance before (I don’t buy them for myself!). I’m generally creeped out by strippers and have told her this, even after she has expressed some timid curiousity and desire to maybe go to one herself. We never spoke about what would happen at my party, and she never told me what I should/shouldn’t do. Now she feels betrayed – how could I do such a thing? – because she figured that I wouldn’t be the type of guy to do this (because I’ve told her that I get creeped out by this). I’ve told her that I did not enjoy it, which is absolutely true – I feel bad for these women and frankly it kind of hurts when they sit on you and then I feel bad that I can’t muster a lot of enthusiasm for the lady when I know it’s just her job. She says of course I would say that – who comes back and admits they liked the lap dance to their fiancee? I guess I can’t refute that, but my response is that the type of guy that liked it doesn’t admit having gone in the first place. But the argument goes around in circles and it’s impossible to prove the negative.
(Side note: I am looking up places that do couples counseling. Has anyone else done this? Does it work, or is it just a bunch of psychoanalytic mumbo-jumbo? Not to take away from anything that you all might write, I think that we just need some practical advice.)
So please let me know what you think. I might answer a question or two if it is helpful to get more facts out, but I’m not going to try to present any other arguments.