Post # 1
I have a question for you all. Let me first explain the situation. My fiance and I made a promise to each other to go for each of our parties for 1 night and to keep it “clean” ie: no drinking, strippers or bars. I kept my end of the deal because my bachelorette party was really soon after the promise was made. My girls took me to a local resort and we had a complete spa day, spent the night in the hot pools and stayed one night. Apparently my fiance did not tell his best man (also his older brother) about the promise but he did say some guidelines like “no drinking, strippers or bars”. We were there last week and had a family blow out about the bachelor party. His dad and brother planned a two night thing for him in a city about 5 hours away from our city. My fiance stood beside his promise (and still has not budged) yet his family is yelling/screaming/guilting/pressuring me to release him from the promise. I feel uncomfortable releasing him from the promise, as we both agreed to it. My fiance has NOT asked me to release him, and does not want me to because he does not want me to be uncomfortable. So now, the guys planned him a 1 night bachelor party into the city but now I’m feeling guilty because I want my man to have the best time possible, and I don’t want to be selfish. Should I release him now out of guilt? Or should I just go for the 1 night plan that they came up with? It is only 2 weeks away so I’m not sure if the plans can even be changed now.
Post # 3
I am sorry, but this sounds like too much drama. Maybe release him from the bars and no drinking rule and keep the no strippers rule. It shows a compromise. Has your Fiance went to a bar and done something stupid while drunk?
If not, don’t worry.
Post # 4
if you trust your future husband, why make the promise and just let him do what he wants.
Post # 5
@BumbyBee: Well what does your Fiance want to do? If you hadn’t made that promise, would he want to go? Would there be drinking and bar hopping and stippers? I mean, just because they go to a different city doesn’t mean it won’t be “clean.”
However, I do think your rules are MUCH to strict. I get the no strippers thing, but no drinking or going to the bars seems overly restrictive. Is your Fiance not much of a drinker? May I ask what were the reasons for no drinking? This will affect my opinion on whether or not I think you should hold firm or consider revising your rules.
Post # 6
I don’t know, I’m kind of weird about that sort of thing too. I know he wouldn’t like it if I went out to see strippers and went out partying and drinking at a bunch of clubs acting like a crazy person so why should he? If this is something y’all agreed to and he shows no interest in doing them then he shouldn’t give in to his family and neither should you.
Post # 7
@BumbyBee: What doee he want to do? Did he make the mutual promise because you asked him to make it? If the party his family has planned doesn’t make him uncomfortable, I wouldn’t stop him from going. If it bothers him for whatever reason, that’s a different story, but he should be able to communicate that to his family.
If he is telling them no solely because he told you he wouldn’t do something like that, you don’t come out looking very good to the people trying to plan his celebration.
Post # 8
I think your rules are too much, but if your Fiance wants to stick by them then that is his choice. I would keep the stripper rule, but everything else needs to be changed. Everyone else will want to go to the bar and what are they supposed to do? Leave your Fiance behind?
Post # 9
stick to what you, and your Fiance feel comfortable with as a couple, as it is you who will have to live with the fallout if something were to happen that neither of you would deem appropriate. 🙂
Post # 10
Why can’t he have a drink? Is he an alcoholic or does he make the wrong choices when he’s been drinking?
That seems like a strange rule to me unless there have been significant problems in the past.
I can understand the no strippers thing.
I would just trust him him to do the right thing….? If he doesn’t want to drink he should stand up for himself. I don’t think it’s up to you to make (or break) the “rules.”
I drank plenty on mine and didn’t do anything that I wouldn’t have been okay with Fiance seeing.
Post # 11
ummm strippers I can understand, but no bars or dinking. What are they supposed to do, go to the movies. Sorry but that’s the point of B-parties. If it is not allowed then he may just not have one.
Post # 12
I agree with PPs–I would get rid of the booze restriction (and the bar one–like sports bars are okay, but hook up dance clubs are NOT)
Post # 13
I would just keep the no strippers rule.
Post # 15
I agree as well — drinking and bars, but NO strippers. That’s what bachelor party’s are all about … going out and cutting loose with the guys
Post # 16
Sorry bees I will clarify: We both agreed to not go to bars/drink because we both do NOT drink anyways, and we feel it is not right to drink due to our faith. This rule was to also help out his brother who is trying to quit drinking because he is a little bit of an alcoholic. The bar/drinking promise was simply to ensure he (fiance) was not going to be pressured into drinking, which HE did not want to do.
I know I don’t look good to his parents because of this promise, we made the promise in good faith to each other and we BOTH agreed and came up with the terms together, it was not me going “You NEED to NOT do this, this and this…”. We came to mutually acceptable terms.
I’m just not sure if I should cave to the pressure of his family, when fiance does not want me to. He says if I want to drop the promise then to do so on MY own terms and make the decision myself and not be swayed by people/guilt/pressure etc.
I just don’t want to cave to this pressure and show his family that I will eventually cave if pressured enough (we have had problems before with his family being TOO over-bearing in our relationship and have to stand our ground with our decisions for them to take us seriously).