(Closed) Bachelor Party – Feeling Betrayed…

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I dunno, I wouldn’t feel that hurt if I were you.  The fact that he told you what happened that night seems like a good sign that he’s trustworthy.  Besides, when you agreed/allowed him to go to a strip club, there was always a possibility that his friends may pressure him to get a lap dance wasn’t there?. . .regardless of what you or he may have wanted, his friends were going to make him part take in typical strip club activities.  Hate to say this, but you shouldn’t have let him go if you were going to be so uncomfortable from the beginning.  Anyway, it sounds to me like you have a really trustworthy guy!

Post # 7
Hostess
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@infinity092813:  I agree. It’s not his fault. If you were really uncomfortable with him getting a lap dance, he probably shouldn’t have gone to a strip club. Especially since he told you what happened, I think you should let it go. It’s ok to be sad or upset for a while, but try not to take it out on him as he did everything he could to honor your wishes. 

Post # 4
Member
1024 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You have a right to be pissed off about this, but don’t allow it to ruin your relationship. It seems that he genuinely just messed up. He was probably pressured by the guys, lots of alcohol, there was probably no real way of getting out of it without making it really awkward. He probably got caught in the atmoshere and thought he was making the better choice. 

I would tell him why it’s not okay, that you would not tolerate it again, etc. But this seems like a really small thing in the grand sheme of things. I know your upset now and you said you don’t know if you could trust him again… that seems like an overreaction to be honest, I doubt you will feel the same in a week, I doubt you would remember this in a year. If this is the first time he has ever broken your trust, you guys seem like you have a really solid relationship. 

Post # 9
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

No need to think so hard over it. He has never given you any reason not to trust him so don’t give him a hard time over this. Technically he didn’t do anything wrong. 1) He volunteered this info to you. 2) He didn’t get a lap dance as per your request. 3) You did not communicate to him WHY you were against lap dances… that it was the whole ‘secluded’ thing. You were simply against the lap dance. And he didn’t get that. I am sure if he knew you were against him being alone with the stripper was the issue, he wouldn’t have gotten the private dance either. CLEAR communication is KEY!

Post # 10
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@danimals:  So he didn’t get a lap dance?  Then he held up his end of your agreement.  I wouldn’t be that upset about it tbh.  In the grand scheme of things, not a big deal at all. 

 

 

Sounds like he tried to make the best of the situation without 1) going against yall’s agreement and 2) not looking unappreciative to his friends

Post # 5
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Hm, I don’t know that I would be as upset as you are. He was honest with you, even knowing you might react badly, which is great and says lots about your relationship. I don’t condone peer pressure, but it does sound like it was a less than easy choice for him, and he did try to make it a little less bad. 

I’m sorry you’re upset, but I really would try to get past this one. 

Post # 6
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

As these things go, I think you came out a winner.

Most guys seem to end up taking the lap dance because their friends pressure them, and then say “what could I do?” Yours fought it, and tried to find some middle ground. I would say try to appreciate that, and chalk it up to one of many things you’ll have to get past in your life together. He’s going to disappoint you (and you’re going to disappoint him). But it looks like he’ll fight to honor you even under immense pressure from others, and if this is the worst thing that ever happens to betray your trust, you’re in good shape.

Post # 12
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I think having to endure the awkward lap dance might be enough punishment, haha!

 

Seriously, he told you all about it, did what he probably thought was best at the time (under the influence of alcohol and his buddies), and seems pretty contrite about it. Sounds like you have a nice guy! 

You could always punish him a little more and tell him you’ll forgive him if he reenacts that private dance for you 😉

Post # 8
Member
2157 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you shouldn’t be too upset with him.  He really did try to get out of it, and he admits it to you which is a good thing.  Yes, it definitely not a good thing, but I think you should take all of his actions into consideration.

Post # 11
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Sorry you had to go through this…

but I am curious,

if you are not ok with him even have lap dance, why ok him going out with guys to strip club?  It’s like asking kids not to eat candy at a candy store.

 

He told you what happened.  He was honest about it and I think things could get way worse that night IMO.  I don’t think you have to not trust him because he had a private dance that had no physical contact.  From the sound of it, he didn’t even want one to begin with.  And consider he didn’t even have fun at his own bachelor party, I think he had enough punishment.  You should be glad you know what goes on that night. If you are not comfortable about what he does with his friends.  Let him know and be firm about it. 

My Fiance never talked about what they done in those party and I doubt I will ever find out how his is going to be (and yes they are going to vegas :P) I basically told my Fiance i don’t want to know what they are going to do in Vegas.  But he needs to know what my bottom line is (lap dance is my bottom line) so if I ever find out something HAPPENED in vegas, the marriage is through. 

Post # 13
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@lamkky:  When you say lap dance is your bottom line…you mean lap dance is ok, but nothing more?

 

My Fiance is likely going to Vegas as well with 2 good friends of his.  I’m not gonna be “that” girl and try to say he can’t go to a strip club(he is in Vegas, I expect strip clubs will be on the agenda).  I trust him and he has never given me any reason not to.  Only time he has been to strip clubs is for friend’s bachelor parties.  I did tell him I don’t like the idea of him getting a lap dance but that I know it is likely his friends will by him one and I’m ok with that as long as nothing more happens. 

Post # 15
Member
240 posts
Helper bee

It sounds to me like you told your Fiance “no lap dances” and that’s exactly what he did (or didn’t do!). I don’t see what the problem is, really. The stripper was doing the same dance she would have done anywhere else, just with a smaller audience.

Plus, like others have pointed out, your Fiance told you everything that went down. That right there speaks volumes. I don’t think he intended to do anything that would be considered disrespectful towards you or your relationship.

I think you two will work through this.  🙂

Post # 16
Member
3783 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would feel just as you do! Extremely upset not necessarily at him, but the fact that it happened. Actually I would probably feel more pissed off at his friends for ignoring your requested boundary, especially if your Fiance made it clear to them. It’s disrespectful and caused you hurt feeling and stress just so they could have a laugh. I’ve made it clear to Fiance hat he can do what he wants but he knows 100% how I feel about and how I would react to him going to a strip club. He was at a friends b-party last month and the groom didn’t want to go to a strip club but his friends pushed him to go. My Fiance decided to go back to the hotel instead because he knew it wasn’t worth how hurt I would be. I will say i think your Fiance did everything he prob could or thought of at the time to stop it from happening, and wad clearly thinking about you when makin the decision to turn it down. And the fact that he told you right away says a lot. I would probably be hurt by it for a while, but I think you’ve got a good man who respects your feelings and doesn’t want to intentionally hurt you. So thats a good thing! Again, in my opinion I would be more pissed at his friends!

The topic ‘Bachelor Party – Feeling Betrayed…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors