(Closed) Bachelor Party Help

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I don’t understand – what is she upset about ??  That you guys will be away for a weekend?

I agree, she should trust her fiance – it sounds like you guys are throwing him a pretty  cool bachelor party and she should be happy for him!

Post # 5
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Maybe just grab a few minutes with her – ask her what she is upset about – let her vent and then tell her what you wrote above – that her fiance is crazy about her and his kid, he would never break her trust, and that all you want is to give him a kick ass weekend with his friends.

Post # 7
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Maybe you could have a conversation directly with the bride to be? If you are the groom’s best man, you are probably pretty close to him, so you technically have a bit of a voice of authority when it comes to the groom.

Maybe you could talk to the bride and just say "Hey, I know that you might be concerned about a bachelor party, but I just want you to know how I see things. Technically this isn’t a bachelor party– because GROOM is so happy to be marrying you, so he doesn’t really need to celebrate his bachelorhood. Instead, we just want a boys weekend with fishing and canoeing. Now that most of our friends are married, we "boys" don’t really hang out together like we used to, so we thought this would be a great opportunity. I can promise you there are no strippers- we love you all too much to do that and so does GROOM. It will just be a relaxed boys weekend. And I can assure that GROOM will be talking about you and the wedding and his relationship. Its so great to see how much he loves you and how excited he is to marry you."

I think that this isn’t really a situation about trust. Sometimes, girls’ minds get the best of them… they think that ALL GUYS want strippers grinding all over them… and a little innocent "boys" weekend could just be a coverup. If you guys aren’t doing anything wrong, then take the time to reassure the bride and show her how much her groom loves her and how much YOU GUYS love her too, just for being in his life. 

Also, I’ve been with my Fiance for ages (just like most of the wives in  your situation, probably) so i am very comfortable with lots of different situations, because we’ve been through a lot together over the years. But my guess is that this relationship is a little bit more new than all of the marriages in your circle of friends. So just remind yourself that perhaps this is the first time that she is dealing with a situation like this (hubby to be leaving town with the boys), whereas the other wives are probably more used to it.

 I personally think that the best thing you can do is to try to make the bride a little bit happier about the situation– because if she is ok with the situation, then the groom will have a lot more fun, and in turn, you will all have a lot more fun.

Could all of the wives get together and do something fun while the boys are out of town (and I don’t mean just going to the movies or dinner… is there something REALLY fun that she could look forward to)?

Post # 9
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I guess I’m a little confused about the situation, does she not want her Fiance to have a bachelor party at all? I’m also confused about the "trust" part, what part of the party does she not trust? Does she think you guys are just saying your going camping but thinks your lying? Just need a little clarification before I can weigh in 🙂

Post # 10
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

It might help if the other wives had the opportunity to talk to her as well.  I wonder if she trusts the future hubby, but not the guys as much?  That can be my only thought as far rational for her getting upset by the bachelor party.

The wives of the other guys involved will be able to attest to the future groom’s love for his fiancee, offer a female perspective, and assuage the bride-to-be’s fears about the character of the guys involved, (and that they’re actually going to do what they say they’re planning on!)  I imagine those are some of the deeper issues with her not wanting you guys to have the bachelor party

Hope it works out!

Post # 13
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I hope she can understand that everyone deserves time to be with their friends, getting married or not!

Let us know how it goes. 

Post # 14
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I can understand she has some issues because of her past relationship.  However, I’m still a little confused.  She doesn’t want him to have a bachelor party at al.  But then hoped it was the same wekend as the bachelorette party???  And why does she not want him to have even an innocent party, while she seems to be fine with her having a bachelorette party?

Has the groom tried to explain this?  Or is she more concerned about what the rest of you would be doing?  If she doesn’t want him to be going away at all, how does this seem healthy?   I think there are some real trust or control issues.  (As in the longer he’s away from me, the more opportunity to get into trouble.  A couple of hours, fine but a whole weekend…. I can’t keep tabs on him then.)  I’m not sure if you feel comfortable saying this to the groom, but I’d actually recommend they go to counseling.  Has she been to counseling before??  If not, it’s necessary.  She’s been abused. 

As for what’s more in your control, I would say you should reassure her, that you and  the other groomsmen are on her side.  You understand she’s been hurt before, and that none of you will let her go through that again.  Even if some of the other guys had the stripper bach party, things are different now.  They have kids..and different attitudes, perspective etc.  (I hope some of this is true.)  And that most of all they respect their friend’s wishes.  While you can’t promise her there won’t be drinking, there will be not be the opportunity to lose good judgment t osomething that would jeopardize their relationship.  (Hence drinking and fishing, nit drinking and strippers.  The worst he’ll get is a hook in the finger.)  Good luck.

Post # 15
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

This is a complicated situation for sure, so it appears that she’s clingy and doesn’t want him to have fun/ get drunk without her being there to keep an eye on him. Women like that are typically stubborn and very emotional about those things…..I would take the advice of other Bees and have your wives talk to her, because a female perspective would help….don’t know if that woud really change her mind though. Perhaps if you guys made it one night of camping vs. a weekend she might be more comfortable with that.

One suggestion I have, and it is definitely not ideal, but would you be open to having a joint party, have everyone go out camping together? And while your camping you and the guys could go fishing or hiking by yourselves and leave the gals at the campsite. That way eveyone is happy and you guys get a few hours to goof off by yourselves. Good Luck to ya, sounds like a very emotional and complicated situation.

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