(Closed) Bachelor party how do i stop it???????

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

whoa – my first piece of advice is to calm down and breathe.  the bachelor party is a stupid tradition IMO but it is one nonetheless.  this is going to sound weird, but i have found that the more you nag about something with your guy, the more likely it is to happen.  can you be zen about all of this and say something like "honey, i would prefer you don’t have strippers, but it is your party – do what you think is best." i have found that men are less likely to do wrong when you are reasonable about things – it seems at least, that it is much easier for guys to say "f her" if they are pissed at you, or think you are being a nag, than if you are calm and reasonable.  i will say that a lot of grooms are choosing not to have stripper type of bachelor parties now – just guys day out sort of things.  my Fiance is going to a baseball game with his groomsmen, and my sister’s had a day of golf with his.  maybe instead of forbidding him to have a stripper type of bachelor party, suggest a guys day out…he just may surprise you.

Post # 4
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree with djmaddiebluedog: the more you nag the more they want to do it. I think bachelor parties with strippers are pretty nasty, but they’re usually the choice of the people throwing it and not the guy it’s being thrown for. I’ve heard a lot of people say that the bachelor party is for the best man, not for the groom, hehe. My Fiance is having his ‘bachelor weekend’ while i’m in Vegas with my girls for my bachelorette. He’s planning on keeping it low key…fishing/baseball/white water rafting, but he can’t help it if his buddies take him to a strip club. The only thing I have asked him is "please, no strippers in our house! I don’t want to have to come home and Clorox everything in case there’s gonosyphiliherpelis everywhere!".

 I wouldn’t be marrying my Fiance if I thought he was more into strippers than into me, and I certainly wouldn’t be marrying him if I thought that being in a room with stripper meant he was going to cheat. So my best advice is to breathe deep and have a serious look at what it is about this whole thing that is upsetting you so much. Because if at the root it’s that you don’t trust him, then you guys might have some serious talking to do. Good luck! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

VDB — Have you ever actually BEEN to a strip club? I agree with the previous posts that the more you over react the more likely they will try to push you over your limit. Do you think his dad said that simply to get a rise out of you?

londonladybug — gonosyphiliherpelis … lol, that is hysterical!

Post # 7
Member
2144 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t want my fiance to have strippers either, and I trust him that he won’t. I know his best man and I think he’ll stay away from strippers as well. The whole "last name woman" think is just a lousy gimmick excuse. If you’re dating the guy, then he hasn’t seen any naked woman all up in his face since then (unless he’s a cheater), and for some guys that’s been a long time (5 years for my Fiance and I)! But, if, in the end, he does end up having strippers, I’ll marry him and love him anyway. I’ll be way ticked, but I love him enough to get past it, and it is "tradition." If he’s groping them or goes beyond just watching though… then that’s a whole ‘nother ballgame! Good luck with you and your fiance

Post # 8
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

This is what T and I do..we communicate.  We have boundaries.

We’re both starting now "His Needs/Her Needs" a book/program by Dr. Harley.  Awesome.  What is paramount between your Fiance and you is one major thing…COMMUNICATION.  And I mean talking without making (love busters) outbursts, or anger, just relating and communicating.

One thing we both do is that we don’t do anything that we aren’t in agreement on.  We have some pre-set boundaries on these things.

T has gone in past to many bachelor parties and I know he may have one too.  For me it’s not gonna bother me because I know he’s not going to do a lap dance (that’s one boundary we have in that area) and it’s just about a night out with the guys.  Same with me.  I might go see a Chippendale’s or something but most likely not..it’s more fun for my friends and I going dancing (latin dancing) or to a great restaurant and have a fabulous martini and get dressed up.

Cheating could happen ANYWHERE.  Odds are if you researched it, it would happen first  somewhere familiar.  So I’m not worried about some stripper anywhere.  I know T loves me and I love him.  We don’t go for eleventh hour cheezy strippers and would never throw away our committment for something as surface as that..or for anything at all! 

How about just starting with communication with Fiance.  Set down TOGETHER some healthy boundaries and take it from there. 

I am a huge believer in communication and working together.  One of my married gf’s recently found this book and they’re doing it too.  She said she was amazed at how she and her H could have avoided so many arguements had they learned HOW to disagree and how to work together even when solving a heated or emotional issue..just like this one! 

Post # 9
Member
16 posts
Newbee

A good way to make sure it doesn’t happen is to break off your engagement to him.

Post # 10
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

Um, that was pretty harsh, elizzard. Maybe you’re not quite ready to be back at Weddingbee yet? Is everything all right?

VDB — As much as what elizzard said was pretty harsh, there is a grain of truth to it. I wouldn’t break off the engagement, but from the sound of your posts (I have gone around and read the ones that you’ve made so far) it sounds like you and your Fiance have some pretty serious issues in regards to trust. I’m glad to see that your wedding isn’t imminent, but I would maybe "un-set" the date and just take some time to grow in your relationship more. Engagement and wedding planning is such a stressful time anyway, and doing a relationship overhaul while trying to pick out flowers seems to me to be too much to handle. It does sound like you two really do love eachother, so don’t give up on your relationship, but work on making it one where you love with your heads as well as your hearts. Having that cool, non-emotional "head-love" is what will help you avoid or quickly end fights, because you are able to contrast what you are currently feeling (which could be off the wall!) with what you know to be true. Example: You feel like your fiance has got to be cheating on you because of XYZ… however, you KNOW that he wouldn’t. Therefore, you are able to just hang on to what you know, and calm down. Obviously don’t mistrust genuine warning signs, and also realize that this technique requires that you know and trust your fiance pretty well.

I saw you say that you’re going to do couples counseling — that is great! Counseling completely saved our relationship from my over-emotional accusations toward him… he was about to break up with me because he was tired of hearing that he didn’t love me enough because he wasn’t romantic enough, but then we started counseling and I was able to realize that he just showed his love for me in different ways than writing love letters or being "movie-style" romantic. Like this morning, when I was too queasy from morning sickness to get out of bed, he untucked himself (he works nights and had just gotten comfy!) to get me a yogurt. So sweet, but not your typical romantic.

Best of luck to you!

Post # 12
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I really do agree with the other bees & your addres to December. We’ve conversed back & forth on the boards VDB and it really seems like you have some issues to work out with your Fiance. I’m glad you are considering counseling. Even if he doesn’t agree– it wouldn’t hurt for you to go, just to get your issues off your chest. Unfortunately, the hive is not qualified to offer you the help needed.

Now for the harsh questions— I really do not want to offend you— Is he really the guy for you? The only thing that you mentioned as to why he is perfect for you were physical qualities. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but if I were in your situation- I wouldn’t consider getting married. Until you can trust him 100% and tame down your jealousy (and his too from what you’ve told me!)… I fear for your relationship!!

Jealousy destroys relationships faster than money problems, family problems, etc. You and your Fiance need to make your relationship a safe haven from all those "outside" influences… Not a place full of distrust & upset.

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