(Closed) bachelor party idea is starting to give me anxiety…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Our wedding isn’t until 2014 but my Fiance let it slip that he wanted to go to Brazil for his bachelor party… I quickly VETOED that. Not that I don’t trust him 😉 but in all honesty if he’s going to cheat he wouldn’patiently wait until his bachelor party.

My advise to you is to trust in that man you’ve chosen and allow him to enjoy his night as you WILL enjoy yours. 

I hope this helped some!!

Post # 4
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@lilarose:  I think, at least for me, it is scary to think that the man we want and believe our FIs to be will be some sort of broken illusion when it comes to bachelor parties and crazy behavior. I know that it would make me sick to think that the man I love so much, and trust so much, would really be the type to do the horrible things we might read about.

So, I think that you should talk to him about that. Tell your Fiance how you feel, and don’t discuss his bachelor party with his friends AT ALL. His friends are his to handle, and you will not “win” an argument with them. You need to discuss everything with your FI– what you feel, what you want, what you are comfortable with or worried about. You might be surprised to learn he wants similar things. After all, you are getting married so you must have similar views on some things!

 

Post # 5
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Nope not worried about it. I hope he has the best time ever with his buddies. Try not to worry so much.

Post # 7
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Sit down with your Fiance and privately discuss bachelor party activities with him.  Let him know what you are comfortable with and what activities/behavior are dealbreakers.  I would also let him know what his best man said and remind him that ultimately he (your FI) is responsible for his own behavior that night.  A good best man will respect the groom’s wishes and your groom should be telling him what is off limits.

Post # 8
Member
901 posts
Busy bee

If you’re uncomfortable with your Fiance going to strip clubs, just tell him! Don’t get sucked into the B.S. of trying not to be something or another. Your feelings matter. Look at all the posts on here from women who are upset after the fact when their FI’s cavort with strippers. Some even told their FI’s they were okay with it when they weren’t.

Don’t disrespect your own feelings.

 

Post # 9
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@lilarose:  I am the same way!  I hate feeling like this, and it makes me feel like a crazy girl, but mine aren’t completely unwarranted and he gets that.

Ours are still quite far off, as well, but my fiance said he wanted to go to Vegas.  I had to tell him I wasn’t comfortable with that for a number of reasons.  Money being the biggest.  We plan to go to Italy for our honeymoon and him jetting off to Vegas when we’ve got his student loans, mortgage, our car payments, etc.  We live together and share finances.  I am in school getting a second degree because I just lost my job.  It’s just not realistic, even if it is months away, he would have needed to start saving long ago when he hasn’t.  

This also falls into wasting money gambling and strip clubs.  He told his best man he didn’t want to go to any strip clubs, but yeah right!  I am like you, I’ve read the horror stories on here, and I get the feeling, even if he tells his wedding party that, he’d end up drunk and at one any way…especially in Vegas.  I’m just not comfortable with the idea.  By no means am I a prude.  I had my first kiss at a strip club with the guy I dated before my fiance.  But he has done a handful of things in our relationship that have caused me to question my trust in him ultimately made me feel insecure. He hasn’t cheated, but he’s one of those who likes to omit things, thus making it worse in the end versus if he were just upfront.  Otherwise, it wouldn’t bother me.  Anyway, he’s decided to go to another big city that’s much closer to us and I’m fine with it.  

I think what you need to do is figure out why you feel the way you do and convey that to him.  Has he done something to make you feel like he couldn’t be trusted in that situation?  Or are you just generally not ok with the idea of the man you love and share your life (and maybe bed) with seeing another girl naked?  Just get to the bottom of your own feelings and go from there.  

I agree with an above poster, don’t disrespect your own feelings.  Don’t try to be the “cool” fiance by agreeing to things that rub you the wrong way.  If it makes you feel uncomfortable, then so be it!  Everyone has different perspectives on things, and we’ve all had different experiences which shape our views on the world.  Don’t let his wedding party pressure you into allowing something you are against.  After all, it’s between you and your fiance. 

Post # 10
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I understand what other girls are saying about just telling him how you feel but that doesn’t always work. My fiance knows that I really don’t want him to go to a strip club (he doesn’t even like them, he has been once for a friend’s BP) but he said he will have no choice if that is where he friends take him. yeah ok……. Hope everything works out for you.

Post # 11
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@lilarose:  I understand EXACTLY how you feel. You can just tell your best man that you don’t have a say in what happens at the bachelor party, but you have a say whether the wedding is off or not based on what goes down. You have a right to your boundaries and you can invite your Fiance to not cross them if he wishes to spend his life with you.

I really don’t like bachelor parties because it seems like a giant middle finger to the bride. I especially don’t like the idea that something could go one behind a woman’s back and it’s like some big inside joke for the guys to keep it secret  – – “haha remember when that prostitute sucked you off before your wedding! MAN that was AWESOME!” (Not all guys/parties are like this, but it seems like this is the type of behavior which is celebrated in our culture) Fuck that shit.

Post # 12
Member
4663 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Pixie79. Exactly! It’s the culture that’s the problem, maybe not the individual guys per se. I would worry more about the group mentality than my guy just on his own.

Post # 13
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Pixie79:  I couldn’t agree more with you! Why does society feel we need this? Why is it a social standard? If men/women really need one last “free night” then no wonder 50% of our marriages are failures.  

Post # 14
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Fh is not allowing his Bridesmaid or Best Man any say in the bucks night. He is disrespectful (to the point where he suggested they go to a brothel, and just not tell us girls!) and blatantly ignores my FH when he says he wants a weekend of camping, fishing/motorbike riding without strippers (or hookers for that matter) so now he doesn’t get to plan anything. FH and his groomsmen will plan it, but Bridesmaid or Best Man is an ass. Seriously have no idea why FH is even friends with him (i personally think it’s out of habit, but ehh).

IF the best man WERE planning it, I may have some anxiety. I trust FH to stand up for our relationship and respect my boundaries no matter what, but his Bridesmaid or Best Man can be a real slimeball sometimes and I would NOT trust him as far as I could throw him. It would be a disaster, fh would be unhappy, i’d be pissed as hell and I don’t even know how i’d handle the best man! I wouldn’t think fh would do anything stupid, but yeah I probably wouldn’t be able to help feel a little anxious, knowing what the best man is like.

Post # 15
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I sometimes do (not often) when I am around my FI’s best man. I don’t like him, I don’t trust him but thankfully trust the Fiance (obviously). I do tease my Fiance by saying “no hookers” which I know he would never be down with, but I still like to say it every one in awhile, even if it is a half joke. 

Post # 16
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I know exactly how you feel… My Fiance wants to go to VEGAS with his boys ! (Mind you theres like 15 of them) …. and he went to Vegas this year already over the summer for his best friends bachelor party and I had a heart attack those 3 days he was gone.  Its not that I dont trust him, I do… I just dont trust his friends…

lets put it this way… supposibly some sneaky dirty stuff went down with the groom that was getting married 3 weeks later.  :/  … Ontop of all the strip clubs and dirty secret lap dances

(to clear this up, I dont mind strip clubs… but I do mind hidden back room lap dances… Regular lap dances in public at the strip club OK… but not just the 2 of them it creeps me out! because Ive had one before… (I got surprised with it at a damn strip club LOL ) … and literally… THERE ARE NOOOOOO RULESSSS IN THAT ROOOM!! )

So I know how you feel !! But I say screw it! Im going to Jamaica with my girls for my Bachelorette party 🙂

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