(Closed) Bachelor party issues…I just don’t get it

posted 8 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m not sure why you cite the wikipedia summary as though it’s somehow definitive or proves the point.  The definition of murder is killing someone.  Cool.  Doesn’t make bashing someone’s head in an okay thing to do.

My husband is, last I checked (this morning), completely secure in his love for me and trusts me completely.  Doesn’t mean he either likes or is okay with me getting drunk with a bunch of people whom I’m paying to perform sexual acts for my viewing pleasure.  Nor, I think, would he feel especially warm and fuzzy thinking that I just had to go out there and ogle some other guy’s giant package right before tying the knot because once we’re married I’ll be stuck with just him. 

It’s great that you and your Fiance have an arrangement that works for you.  It’s unfortunate that you lack the imagination or empathy to understand why it doesn’t for other people.

Post # 5
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with teaandtoast. If it works for you, that’s great, but I agree that not every women thinks that way, and they have every right to think what they want to think or feel how they want to feel about the topic. I don’t like it. I don’t know why a man feels the need to go see strippers before he gets married. To me it’s like saying “Well I won’t ever get to see another women’s body ever again, because I’m getting married, so I might as well see as much as I can well I’m still a bachelor.” That doesn’t make sense to me. If you don’t like my body or my body isn’t enough for you, why did you ask me to marry you? Why dont you just stay a bachelor forever, then you don’t have to worry about not getting to see another women’s body ever again. That’s how I see it. I specially think hiring a private stripper or strippers to go back to the hotel room, is espically disgusting. Going to the strip club wasn’t enough? I can tell you right now Fiance would not be happy with me if I went to go see male strippers.

 

Edit to say: I also don’t think it’s right if a women goes and sees male strippers either. I didn’t mean to just say men do this kind of stuff.

Post # 6
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yeah I agree with teaandtoast as well – great for you and your Fiance that you feel this way, but that doesnt mean that every woman or couple should feel this way. Many women ARE okay with it but they dont need to write a post because they dont need the emotional support and validation that the women who arent okay with it need. Also, you are making it seem like you dont get why women arent okay with their men oogling other women, possibly touching them, and getting rowdy to the point of concern and lack of trust. Dont diminish how others are feeling just because you feel a different way…

Post # 7
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@teaadntoast: That’s an amazing way of putting it. I agree with you completely, but kudos especially on your descriptions :).

Post # 8
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

The reason my Darling Husband and I were both not OK with these type of parties is because we are not NEW partners. 

We have been in a committed relationship for 7 years and just because we decided to legalize and celebrate our commitment it does not give either of us a free pass to go out and do “single” things. We are not single and have not been for a long time.

If either of us wanted to live a single life we would not be together!

Post # 9
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@jo.lee:  Thanks.  I’m just kind of tired of people playing the, ‘Well, if you trust him…” card.

As though anyone who might have problems with a raunchy bachelor party is controlling or paranoid.

Funny how that argument is only levelled at women.  I bet you any amount of money if women suddenly decided en masse to celebrate their last nights of “freedom” by going home with random dudes, watching them simulate sex, receiving lap dances or some  male version of “fed the kitty” their future husbands would be upset.

It does not make you cooler, less uptight, more sexually open or a better wife to be okay with strippers.  It makes you okay with strippers.  Which, fine, but why does that require its own post?

Post # 10
Hostess
16195 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Whoa. There are lots of different kinds of people and lots of different kinds of bachelor/ette parties. So the answer is no, it’s not necessarily the point of bachelor/ette parties to get drunk and hang with strippers.

Sure, that works for some men and women. And that’s good for them. But there are many who aren’t okay with it. And there’s nothing wrong with not being okay with it.

Post # 11
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Personally I dont see the point of having a stripper at a bach party. If you have found the woman you truly love, why do you need to pay for another woman to take her clothes off for you? Wheres the logic in that? And what makes that so much fun? Call me dense but I dont get it and I dont apologize for that. I also agree with @teaadntoast: that in the end every couple has a different arrangement that works for them

Post # 12
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

bells- That’s exactly my point. Where is the logic in that? LOL.

Post # 14
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree that this differs from couple to couple. But to answer the OPs question, what I take issue with is the idea that he has to go celebrate his last night of “freedom.”  As if our wedding is the beginning of his incarceration or something.  I’m all for going out and celebrating the end of a chapter in his life, and the start of a new one.  But I don’t see how that translates into going out and doing inappropriate/sexual things with women.  If it’s something that would hurt me (and to be fair, if it’s something that would hurt him) then it’s not ok to do it.  

Post # 15
Hostess
16195 posts
Honey Beekeeper

@MissAdventure: Thanks for the clarification. 🙂 Tone can be hard to read online.

Are you interested in knowing why some people aren’t okay with it or think it’s a big deal? I’m just trying to understand what kind of response you wanted. Thanks! 🙂

Post # 16
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@MissAdventure: To some degree I can agree with your post but a bach/bachelorette party can be very different things to different people.  I think if a poll was done on the hive, most people would agree they are ok with their husbands going out and celebrating, letting loose, etc. 

To me the line is that we are still in a committed relationship and that party (nor any other party) should include something I am not comfortable with him doing.  The Bach. Party is not a free pass to cheat on me (according to however I may define “cheating”). 

I was totally ok with my husband having a bachelor party.  I was fully in support of him drinking until his friends had to drag him home if thats what he wanted.  Personally, though, it was not ok for him to be touching or some other girl touching him in a sexual manner.  

The topic ‘Bachelor party issues…I just don’t get it’ is closed to new replies.

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