(Closed) Bachelor party issues…I just don’t get it

posted 11 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 197
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@mishelleez: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. I just scared my dog to bits because I laughed so hard at that picture. Definitely not what I was expecting! Hmmm… is this considered a “bump”? I still don’t get all the terms on here!

Post # 198
Member
881 posts
Busy bee

@lezlers:

I concur that you can understand without agreeing.  I love to hear other viewpoints on things and I know people say it all the time, but honestly, I’ve changed my viewpoint on topics when presented with good, solid, researchable (is that a word?) information from the opposing opinion.

This, however, I think is a more personal type of thing.  If someone says ‘just because I wouldn’t want my man in that kind of environment’ it could offend someone that doesn’t mind the ‘environment’.  If someone says ‘I’m totally secure that my guy wouldn’t touch a girl or let her touch him in a way I’m uncomfortable with’ it could offend someone that does mind and is secure.  What we need to stop doing is looking at other people’s rational reasons for how they feel and assuming that they must then think we’re the negative of their reasons. (like if I say I totally trust my guy anywhere, I don’t mean you don’t trust yours.  If you say you think its disgusting , I shouldn’t assume you think my bf is disgusting for going).  Really, if we just push emotion aside, the discussion has been very interesting for me.

Post # 199
Member
236 posts
Helper bee

I’m kind of ok with it. If it was a reputable place- which to me means well-paid girls, not underage, drug-free, not allowing physical contact. I would love to see burlesque for my hen party as I think it is amazing. The thought of an oiled up male stripper just sickens me though.I guess how I feel is that on a fun drunken night where it is for a laugh and the primary aim is that then it’s fine. If i found out that he was going because he wanted to be turned on by random women that would make me uncomfortable and i would not only not allow my future husband to regularly go to strip clubs but i would not want to marry a man that wanted to go

Post # 200
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@luckyprincess:

Totally agreed.  I think that is where a lot of the “angst” in this thread has come from. Some posters speculating on what other posters must think of them because those posters don’t share the same viewpoint.  That’s not the case, however.  For example, I disagree with a lot of right wing viewpoints.  That doesn’t mean I don’t understand why some right wingers hold those particular viewpoints or that I’m disrespectful of those viewpoints.  I simply don’t agree with them.  

A hallmark of educated, logical thinking is the ability to appreciate the other sides position, yet still disagree based on your own independent viewpoint. 

Post # 201
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@lezlers: “A hallmark of educated, logical thinking is the ability to appreciate the other sides position, yet still disagree based on your own independent viewpoint.”

Yes, and I have not asked anyone to CHANGE their viewpoint. However, I stand firm. If this is only to be an appreciation thread, questions should not have been asked. BECAUSE questions WERE ASKED, does it not seem reasonable that one should not just dismiss the very point asked for because of a differing view?

How is anything in out nation EVER going to be solved if we are only self interested? Saying things like “I don’t agree with your post and I’m not even going to respond.” Really? Is that how people learn? 

There hasn’t been a discussion, there has only been an offering of opinion and refusal to offer a response and clinging to things.

And for the record,  @lezlers:, you say “One last try: just because we disagree with a certain position doesn’t mean we don’t understand it.”

Perhaps you missed;

“I see so many women absolutely affronted that their men had a roaring bachelor party complete with booze, strippers, and general naughty behavior, and I just don’t get it.”

“As someone who has no problem with strippers and wild bach parties, I had a hard time understanding why some women did.”

“I truly do seek to understand this subject more”

“I, too, have no idea why people get so up in arms with the mere idea of strippers”

“I used to read the anti-stripper threads to try and get a better understanding as to why people are SO TERRIFIED of strippers, but I never got any real clarification.”

—> That’s only through page 2

And yet, for all the “I don’t understands” and lengthy responses given, we’re supposed to be satisfied with “I don’t agree” in response. Again, not agreeing is fine, I’m honestly not expecting your position to change, there is a change I DO expect however. That’s for people to stop thinking exactly what 

View original reply
@Jenn23: said

Because I don’t like strip clubs, this means I should be a virgin (because that only makes sense) and I’m terrified of strippers, I don’t trust my guy, and I shouldn’t wear a bikini.

Or to, you know, say “I don’t agree and HERE IS WHY, PERHAPS WE CAN TAKE THIS DEEPER SO WE BOTH UNDERSTAND because right now I have a problem with your answer.” Instead, all that’s happened was “I don’t agree and I have problems with what you said.”

Is that truly “A hallmark of educated, logical thinking”

Post # 202
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@KLP2010:

*Sigh*

We can’t get over your insecurities for you, @KLP2010.  There’s clearly nothing that can be said here that’s going to placate you, as you keep quoting the original OP despite the dozens of clarifications and apologies that followed.  You don’t seem to able to seperate reason from emotion when arguing, so there’s really no point anymore. Now, there’s nothing wrong with arguing from an emotional place, but when debating hot button issues like strippers at bachelor parties on a wedding site, it often ends up being counterproductive. 

 

Post # 203
Member
616 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

First of all I will say that I respect everyone’s viewpoints.

I do not like stripclubs, and don’t want my husband going to one. We mutually agreed he wouldn’t go on his bach party and he didn’t want to go anyway. I don’t think it’s appropriate for MY fiance to go to a strip club before he married me. TO ME, it’s an insult and I don’t appreciate him looking at naked women at ANY TIME. Just where our boundaries lie. For us, a bach party was no excuse to cross the lines that we wouldn’t cross at any other point in our relationship. And he had the same standards for me. This is what works for US (not anyone else). Each relationship has different boundaries and expectations and I respect anyone that has them, however different they are from OURS.

For me, not wanting my fiance to go to a strip club does not stem from insecurity, lack of trust, fear, anything like that. I simply think that looking at any naked woman in that way is wrong…and if my husband did that, I would feel disrespected #1 because I asked him not to and #2 because I expect him to be serious about this view as I am (not looking at other men out of respect for him). I also think it goes both ways. If I don’t want my now husband to look at naked women, I shouldn’t look at naked men. Fair right?

My views on this come from my religious beliefs and even if I were not religious, I would most likely have a feminist view on this 🙂 since I think women should respect their bodies and not get naked for people and I don’t support it in any way. If you think differently, that is fine and I respect that too. Please respect my views as I respect yours. I think in my opinion, no matter what YOUR opinion is, all this is about RESPECT: respecting your partners boundaries, other’s views, etc. Just wanted to offer my thoughts.

Post # 204
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

wow, i can’t believe this is still going! I haven’t even begun to read all the posts and must be bored out of my mind to jump in, but just have to give my perspective. Before I do, please know that I don’t think everyone else needs to approach this issue this way, nor do I look down on anyone who feels differently or doubt the value of their relationship.

I love my fiance. I have a great deal of respect for him. I trust him completely. I want him to have a happy and fulfilling life. I hope our marriage will last all the tests life has in store for us.

I had one request: no bachelor parties the night before the wedding. This is because I know a lot of family members (mine and his) and wedding guests will probably attend, and it was important to me to have these people, most especially me and my groom, at the wedding and not feeling horrible.

Other than that, I cannot imagine giving him rules. He’s a man. A fine, respectable man. And he loves me. If he finds value in going to a strip club, whether it be to cut loose, bond with the guys or admire other girls, I would not stop him.

I feel respect is more important than anything. Would I be hurt if my guy crossed a line and cheated? Of course. Do I think it would happen? No. Do I think setting rules would make it less likely? definitely not.

There will always be temptations. I trust my guy will do his best out of self-respect and respect for me. And I’m willing to deal with any consequences being human brings along the way.

But it’s my life. And I’m different.

Post # 205
Member
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It sounds like we’ve all had a chance to express our opinions on this topic, so I’m closing this thread at the request of the OP.

The topic ‘Bachelor party issues…I just don’t get it’ is closed to new replies.

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