Post # 1
Last weekend my fiancé and I had our perspective Bach/bachelorette parties. at first fiancé mentioned they went to a strip club, but that was it. Well two days later he tells two of his groomsman got him a personal lap dance (I could tell he felt guilty because he was like “I thought I should tell you when we went to the strip club x and x actually got me a lap dance”) So I am appreciative of him not lying and being upfront (although it took a few days) but I am still put off by the whole thing and kind of pissed. I’m not neccessarily pissed with him but just pissed in general that it happened. I’m not pissed they went (I get it its his Bach party) but the personal lap dance just really is irritating me. The reason I am even more bothered? He proceeds to explain that the girl got completely completely naked. No bottoms or anything. I had to pry this one out of him (was like well was she wearing bottoms or no…to which he said no she was completely naked)
I am not an idiot, I know how these things work and the thought of this random naked woman rubbing all over my fiancé just infuriates me. i would like to think he would feel like same way if a naked guy was dancing and stripping all over my lap. My fiancé is pretty level headed so when we talk about it he will probably understand where I am coming from but that doesnt make me less pissed at the whole thing.
Are any other ladies with me? It just kind of urks me that bachelor parties are used as somewhat of an excuse for this type of behavior. Although i know he he didn’t request it and it was his groomsman disown ought it, part of me wishes he would have just denied the bare ass naked dance from this woman in respect for me.
although I have him no rules for his Bach party (it wasn’t necessary) the fact she was butt ass naked on my future husband just completely disgusts me. That is for me to do and me only!
Post # 3
He coulda said no.
i would be furious if my husband got a lap dance never mind a naked one. Going to the strippers is one thing, getting a lap dance is another.
Post # 4
I would be completely disgusted. My husband wanted nothing to do with strippers or anything sexual at his bach party because of that very reason. It isn’t how you would allow him to act any other day, why would one day be different?
Ugh, I’m sorry you have to deal with that but I think it’s really good that he told you.
Post # 5
*HUGS* I would be upset too. You should ask your FI if he would be okay with you getting totally naked and rubbing up on some random guy. Chances are, he probably won’t be ok with it, so it shouldn’t be ok for him.
Post # 6
Hey, what’s done is done. He was honest and fessed up, he won’t ever (hopefully?) be in that position again. You didn’t mention setting boundaries before, so I would not stress now. Unless he is giving you reason to doubt him, let it go girl!
Post # 7
Yeah I am really glad he told me. We are going to talk about it more tonight rafter work ( it was late last night and I didn’t want to talk about it wheI w was tired) but the whole thing is just infuriatinto me. That’s the thing…I wish he would have said no. Or when the girl starting getting totally naked stopped it. To me that would have been respectful. Ughhh I’m trying to be rational but this really bothers me
Post # 8
@caseybop1: I would definitely be upset and I do agree that men tend to use the excuse of a bachelor party for all kinds of behavior inappropriate for someone in a committed relationship, and especially someone about to be married. That being said, I do think it’s good that he was up front about it, and as long as he knows you are uncomfortable with it and that it’s not okay for him to ever do it again, I would try to get past it.
Post # 9
No no…it’s not that I don’t trust him. It’s just more of a general concept of respect that has me upset. it’s not that I like fear him cheating or anything like that. I just think its unnecessary for a naked woman to be rubbing all over a n almost married man…no matter what the situation. And I know I wasn’t there but like I said I know how these things are so can just imagine the scenario (ew)
Post # 10
I find it extremely interesting that women think that strip joints + bachelor party = no lap dances. SERIOUSLY? (Disclaimer, I am not OK with strip clubs and certainly not OK with lap dances, so I very much understand the feelings with this situation.) I just find it a bit like unrealistic that women think that an entire group of guys go into a strip club, with their man of honor (groom to be) and NOT get personal dances… the two just seemingly go hand in hand.
… which is why I made my expectation VERY CLEAR, to him, and his boys.
All that said, stress on how you expect him to conduct himself in similar situation (ie other bachelor parties), and leave it at that. You can’t change what is done now so there’s not point in focusing on the past but talk about how you want to future to be if presented with other situations that require him to make decisions of a similar nature.
Post # 11
@caseybop1: …….well, you can’t do anything about it now, and he told you which is nice because that could have gone with him to the grave….Bachelor Parties as a rule start firestorms of debate among the bees…a lot of us don’t care, a lot of us do, some of us consider it cheating and the others put the whole experience into the “Crazy Naked Circus” category…however you feel about it is vaild and you’re entitled to that….
I guess if it were me, I would burn those pants, cause yeah…those are done, buy Mr. 99 a hazmat suit and make a crazy photoshopped picture of me with some oiled up male stripper shakin his dong in my face while I made the thumbs up sign….just so he gets a taste of his own medicine….
Post # 12
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I hear ya, mine got a lap dance at a friend’s bachelor party a couple months ago. At first I was like “whatever” but then it turns out she was naked! Gross.
But honestly, and this may sound naive to some people but I’ve known my guy for 15 years so I feel confident saying this: I think the whole lap dance situation is more awkward than anything else. The guy doesn’t particularly want one, but his friends are all doing it or are buying him one, and he’s not going to be the one lame dude who’s like “Get away from me you dirty whore!” You know? I know my guy would have rather there not be strippers at all, cause he just finds the whole situation weird and awkward. But it was a buddy’s party. He has absolutely no interest in having them for his own party.
Anyway, I think the fact that he told you shows that he’s not trying to hide anything and probably would have rather it not happened at all. I dunno. The good news is that he will never have an excuse to do this again, right? Especially now that he knows how you feel about it.
Post # 13
@nonna99. I just laughed out loud. Thanks for The input everyone 🙂
Post # 14
I get why you’re grossed out for sure!!
i have no problem with strippers or bachelor parties in general, but the actual thought of a naked girl all over my man would make my skin crawl. It would also make me pretty self-conscious next time (or next few times, who knows) we were intimate (but that’s my issue, I’m not the most confident person). I wouldn’t be worried about him cheating or anything like that, but the image in my head would just disgust me. So I get you.
Post # 15
I completely understand where you’re coming from. That would have made me feel very upset and disrespected, and I honestly don’t know if I could get over it if my FI did that. I’m so glad he’s completely not that kind of guy, I doubt he would even step foot into a strip club. The fact that you didn’t set any rules beforehand doesn’t mean you can’t be upset. Respect for your spouse is an expectation that goes without saying. I hope you will find a way to get past this, OP.
Post # 16
@caseybop1: If I was uncomfortable with something, FI wouldn’t do it. He wouldn’t ask questions or try to justify it, and he sure wouldn’t hide it from me. I think it is important to put the relationship first, not our own individual needs. If he put doing what his friends wanted, and quite frankly what he wanted to or else he would have said no, over what I wanted, then I would think twice about marrying someone so selfish.
I don’t like the premise of bachelor parties either – it is not your last day of being single. What if I get naked with another guy and rub all over him? Is that cheating? Just because I don’t have to pay a sex worker, it’s cheating, but someone who goes out and pays a sex worker, well, that’s okay. I can’t wrap my head around that concept either. Cheating is cheating, whether you paid for it or not. I don’t think lap dances are ever appropriate in a relationship, let alone right before you are about to enter into a marriage.
I am disgusted and outraged for you. I am so sorry.