(Closed) Bachelor Party Spoiler

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

thanks for your honesty beach baby. hopefully more girls can understand why some girls just will NOT allow their men to go to strip clubs.

Post # 4
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Thank you SO much for your honesty!  I kinda sorta knew this and dont know why we all accept it under the guise of "rite of passage",  Throughout history many things have been allowed, Kings were allowed to do as they pleased, chinese took concubines, our own president diddled his intern and we said OH ITS OK, he only lied about something that every red blooded man would lie about.  I seriously think it is time for us to stand up and make some parameters because frankly, I dont know exactly <span class=”Apple-style-span” style=”font-style: italic”>what I am going to do when this comes up for my Fiance (and it will) but I am leaning toward saying me or some entertainment.  He can have a whole life of strip clubs and indiscretions, he just can have me.  I hope I can manage this frankly, I dont know.  I just have to think we should be more evolved at this  point, we shouldnt accept it.  

I dont want a clandestine adventure with some paid stud, and so I would say no, I think he should do the same.  If it does cost me my marriage am I losing anything?  Honestly I am grateful to you Beach Baby, for telling us what we all know but pretend we dont.  Where does it end? 

 

Post # 5
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

Thank you for the honest post. 

With that said, I think if ppl have to tell their fiancee/bf/husband to not go to these places  …you should mention it once.  After that, I would consider it common sense on the guy’s part.  If he wants to "forget" this promise, I think it becomes intentional.  No girl/guy needs to always feel like they need to keep an extra eye on their significat other.

@BeachBaby – best of wishes on your upcomming wedding!

Post # 6
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

just wondering…

what percentage of the men who go to stripclubs get this "special treatment" and what percentage are just there to hang out and watch?

best wishes

Post # 8
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

And the reason you’re posting this is why…?

The poor woman who’s having a hard time with the fiance and the bachelor party is gonna be so upset reading this.  Very very hurtful to her.  This is a board for support.  A support of marriage, families-to-be, and friendship.   

I have to be honest.  I kinda find this part (not your dancing) a bit unsettling..

" As for my future husband I believe we have a better than average chance of making it because I know what he wants and I will give it to only him"

I don’t "give it" to my guy.  We have a loving and passionate relationship and anything like that stays in the budoir.  NOT written on an internet page.  And I wouldn’t marry if I had a "better than average chance".  It is as though you have a defeatist attitude already about marriage. 

I honestly wonder why you posted this.  We’re all grown ups here.  We know what happens there.   And what happens in one of those places is A MATTER OF TRUST.  How well you know your guy and how strong your relationship is.

I do wish you well, and hope your love WAY exceeds that "better than average" statistic and that you two are very happy and in love always. 

Post # 9
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Bellenga, I think it’s related to the other bachelor party post. I think she was trying to shed light on what goes on inside of strip clubs, since a lot of women are under the impression that they’re strictly look-but-don’t-touch.

Post # 10
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I think she is just trying to pull the wool off people’s eyes.  If anything, she is supporting people who don’t like it when their guys go to strip clubs. 

Bellenga  I think your post crossed the line and is pretty rude to the original poster.

Post # 11
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am sorry but I think the post is painful to the woman on the other thread.

We pretty much KNOW what happens in the clubs.  I never had any wool over my eyes and just wondered why?  If she wanted to message the other poster she could.  Some things are very painful.

I live near a large metropolitan area and most of us here KNOW what has happened in and around these clubs.   anybody from ATL knows about what happened at the Gold Clubs if they ever watched the news.

But it is a matter of trust and NOT EVERY GUY does break his vows.  Not every guy does touch.  

And fwiw, I wished her well and I DO wish her well (beachbaby).  Just some of the wording was imho..strange. 

And I do thank you for being so honest BB.  And I hope you and your fiance are very happy together. 

Post # 12
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Bellanga- I thought your post was slightly off the mark too… I think it was more tasteful the original poster didn’t add ‘fuel to the fire’ by posting a response on the other post you are referring to.

I grew up sheltered- & honestly- I seriously thought clubs were hands off. So the fact that Beachbaby brought it up, pulled the "wool off my eyes". 

The fact of the matter is, lots of us won’t agree with others opinions. And really, the reason why people post is to get other people’s viewpoints because they might read something that speaks to them, or even gets them to think about their concern from a different perspective. But I think the intent of the message should be evaluated with more neutrality. 

Beachbaby- I appreciate the honesty. Congrats on your engagement! & Good luck with your planning! We’ll be seeing you around the boards!

Post # 13
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with that Sparkles and I hope I didn’t offend much.

I am honest and I was just being protective of the woman hurting here on the other post.

And sure, there are probably 50/50 of us who know/don’t know what happens in many strip clubs.

I apologize to BB if I was harsh, as I was just very concerned about the timing of this posting and it’s somewhat descriptive content.  I just know if it were ME on that other post, I would be so upset right now.

It’s true.  Not all of us will agree with each other, but what is important is to try to be supportive during what is to be one of the happiest times of a woman’s life.  I’m a soon to be second time bride.  My xh was unfaithful and I know how painful it is..and how much it can rip up people’s lives.  And I also know that kindness and sensitivity is important as well as support to a woman who’s at a crossroads in her life not knowing which way to turn.  Like our friend on the other post is.

And I hope BB you’ll be understanding from my POV.  I wish you well and know that if you hang around here long enough, you’ll learn so much, have a good time, and actually enjoy the planning.  Wishing you much love and please try to forgive sometimes my blunt-ness.

Post # 14
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I just made my dude promise he will never go to the private room. I always thought it was hands off too. I’m okay with lap dances… It’s the and more that worries me.

Post # 15
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

I find it fabulous that you posted!  I think that it is interesting all of the dialogue that has been raised because of your comment…  especially interesting to me is all of the women saying that they wouldn’t "let" their husbands or fiancees go to a strip club.  Maybe the problems arising are because couples think that they are in charge of what the other person is doing, as opposed to being an equal voice in the actions of a couple.  Just my thoughts, though!  To each their own.

Post # 16
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Ach, bachelor parties are the ONE blip on the wedding planning radar! (Okay, not the ONE blip, but probably one of the few that nearly all brides grapple with at one point or another.)

My fiance has absolutely no interest in going to strip clubs. He has a few friends who will likely be disappointed by that, but for the most part his pals understand his preferences and respect the relationship he and I have built together. All I can say is that if a guy goes into a private room with a dancer, there was probably something amiss with the relationship well before the bachelor party. I know there’s a lot of pressure on our men to participate in this "rite of passage," but we need to have faith that they won’t compromise the loves of their lives (us!) for the sake of debauchery.

A close friend who got married last summer sent an email to his entire bachelor party a couple of weeks before that talked about how excited he was, and said "You’re all welcome to go to strip clubs, but I won’t be going with you." I really admired that – and I have a feeling my guy will be doing the same. You don’t have to "command" your fiance to stay away from exotic dancers; just have a straightforward talk with him about how it makes you feel, and he’ll likely tell his friends to take lap-dances off the menu.

Now, if you’ve taken the time to read this whole thread, I COMMAND you to spend 10 minutes looking up (or re-reading) a poem that will be read during your ceremony, followed by 10 minutes of fantasizing about your wedding gown! Don’t get yourself stuck in anxiety about all of this!

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