Post # 1
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
I’m asking this in response to all the threads here (and elsewhere online) involving women distraught over their FI/SO/DH doing something inappropriate at a bachelor party.
This is just an honest question for any gals who argue that it’s OK for those in committed relationships to visit strip clubs at their (or their friend’s/brother’s/cousin’s/ neighbor’s roommate’s sister’s friend’s) bachelor party because the strippers are just “doing their jobs”: would you be OK with your SO visiting a brothel? Those women are also “just doing their jobs”. It’s a real question; I’m curious!
For the sake of argument, let’s use legal brothels in Nevada or Amsterdam as an example, just because I’m guessing the legal aspect of it would make a difference.
Post # 3
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
@SexyCatLady: I don’t think it’s a matter of people “doing their jobs.” People who are okay with strip clubs are probably okay with it because it’s just a show. Like porn. Whereas in a brothel, people actually have sex. Like with a prostitute. Big difference between watching porn and being with a prostitute – same with going to a strip club or a brothel.
Post # 4
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
@everyheart: In porn, though, the performers are just images on a screen or page – there’s no chance to interract with them (barring live cam shows, of course). The stripper is a living, breathing woman right in front of him/her. Would people who are OK with it also be OK with a random girl from a bar stripping for and grinding on their SO? It seems to be the pay thing that mkes the difference. Or is it the degree of sexual contact? Grinding and boobs/ass/crotch all over him is OK, but full-on sex is not?
Post # 5
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
For me it’s a question of intent. Strip club bachelor parties are more about the guys getting to hang out with each other in a naughty atmosphere. But it’s still public and safe, mostly just for show. On the other hand, hiring a woman who goes all the way is a different sort of intent. It’s not just playing around anymore. It threatens the relationship emotionally and even physically. It’s not just for fun.
Post # 6
Member
8446 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I think it comes down to boundaries within a relationship. If one person isn’t ok with it, then it shouldn’t happen within that relationship. I don’t have a problem with strippers that are just doing a job, but I do have a problem with men being in commited relationships lying to their SOs in order to have strippers/go to strip clubs. If a bunch of single guys want to go waste their money on strippers, I don’t care, but I certainly wouldn’t want my Fiance doing it.
Post # 7
Member
9671 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@SexyCatLady: Well a brothel is a place where you pay to have sex with women. Generally there is no sex at strip clubs. Kind of a big difference.
I’ve been to strip clubs plenty but I would never go to a brothel. Because I don’t want to have sex with someone there.
Post # 8
Member
4371 posts
Honey bee
@housebee: Agree. It’s up to the couple to decide what’s ok in their relationship. Some are even fine with prostitutes. Some don’t want either party to watch porn. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong (as long as it’s legal), it doesn’t concern anyone else but the couple.
Post # 9
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
@SexyCatLady: I’ve only been to a strip club once. So has my Fiance, my sister, and her husband (all at different times/places). No one witnessed any grinding or even lap dances. Of course, grinding a naked body on someone is not okay. That crosses a line, and I doubt many people would be okay with that. But still, it’s a BIG difference between that and sex.
Post # 10
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
@SexyCatLady: I think I see what you’re getting at. I’ve never understood why behavior that would be considered cheating/grossly inappropriate in any other circumstance is suddenly just fine because its in a club and the woman is getting paid.
Strip clubs are a no go for me. I don’t give a damn if its a bachelor party or hanging with the boys. Its a gross, inapproriate, hugely disrespectful “tradition” and if you want to go party with naked chicks, you need to be single.
Post # 11
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
A cathouse?! Hell no. I am fine with the Lusty Leopard, but not a full out brothel
Post # 12
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
Boys will be boys.
When we go on a bachelorette party we arrived together we leave together. We are having a wild night….but to be honest there is nothing wild going on. We party and drink but we would never touch another man.
Bachelor Parties however are a whole different story:
usually the party is not for the one getting married but for his friends. Were in a group they are incouraged and suported to go to strip clubs to hook up one last time…..for them it is like one last crazy night before the end. A night that ends with everyone disapearing is considered a great night. a Big Success.
If I see my girlfriend cheating on her man I will tell her to stop to not ruin what she has she is getting married….but boys…..oh thats a whole different thing. It will be totally different.
Going to a strip club for me is a pretty inocent activity to do on a SPECIAL TIME only. He pays the woman to dance for him…here in Montreal it is full contact so it means they get to touch everything they want. But in the end they go home Horny. It is a controlled evironment.
A brothel is a BIG NO NO forget about the risk of desease IUuuuuuuuu.
Post # 13
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
The reason women are ok with strippers “doing their jobs” is because they know at the end of the night their partner will leave the strip club with their friends, and not go cheat on them with a stripper. (Yes, some women consider lap dances cheating, I mean those who don’t.)
Whereas when they enter a brothel, they are going with the intent to cheat on their partner. (And obviously some people have open relationships, I’m not talking about those women.)
Post # 14
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
I hear you. I really don’t get this either. One of my quandaries is this: why is a paid lapdance okay for so many people? Hypothetical question: what if your guy got a lapdance from a woman who wasn’t being paid but with whom there was no emotional connection (or even sexual attraction on her part), just him getting all turned on for this other chick. Would that be ok?
Personally, I would think of both of those things as cheating. It shouldn’t matter whether the woman is being paid or not, it’s still the man’s intent to go seek pleasure from someone outside of the relationship. I know other people have different thoughts on these things, this is just how I see it.
Post # 15
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
@kes18: Generally, no, there’s no sex at strip clubs. Still, though, there’s sexual attention for money.
Post # 16
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
@everridiculous: “Hypothetical question: what if your guy got a lapdance from a woman who wasn’t being paid but with whom there was no emotional connection (or even sexual attraction on her part), just him getting all turned on for this other chick. Would that be ok?”
I’ve asked the same thing! My SO and I consider any sort of intimate/sexual contact with anyone who isn’t the other to be cheating. That includes lapdances and flirting.
