(Closed) Bachelor party – what would you do?? Advice please!

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7315 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

If your FI wants a different kind of party, it is up to HIM to speak up about it. Do not insert yourself into this situation. Encourage your FI to speak for himself about what he will/will not tolerate at his bachelor party.

Post # 4
7871 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@another_anon_bee:  Should you say something to FBIL? NO!

Should your fiance say something to FBIL? YES!

If your fiance doesn’t want the strippers, it’s up to him to tell his brother, “No, I don’t want a party like that, if you organise that I’m not interested”. I don’t see why that’s so hard. But it has to come from him, not you.

Post # 6
2613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@another_anon_bee:  No, you shouldn’t say anything to your FBIL but your FI should. Private strippers are way raunchier.  He should put a stop to it.

Post # 7
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If your FI isn’t into it, why doesn’t he say something?

Post # 8
1651 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@another_anon_bee:  Your FI needs to speak with his brother and make it clear that this is not an acceptable party to throw. Not only will it make his intended wife uncomfortable, it will also make him and his friends uncomfortable. As this party is being thrown in his honor, his brother should at least make an effort to ensure that he will enjoy himself.

Post # 9
11270 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Your FBIL cannot force your FI to attend this type of event.  Share your concerns with your FI, and, as @lovekiss:  and @paula1248: stated, it is up to your FI to make clear to your FBIL that he does not want and simply will not agree to participate in this type of party.

Post # 10
1847 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You shouldnt say anything, because whatever you say is probably going to be met with eye rolling and thoughts of “she’s so insecure, blah blah blah” it just comes across that you don’t like the strippers. 

Honestly, your FI will have a fun bachelor party no matter what. Whether he’s riding dirt bikes or looking at strippers at the fancy “gentlemens club party”, he’s still going to be having a good time, because he’ll be with “his boys” having a few drinks, shooting the shit and having fun. 

So.. Its really not up to you to say or do anything about this party. If your FI doesn’t want the strippers, or if thst crosses a boundary in your relationship, it’s up to him to talk to his BIL. 

Post # 12
12259 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@another_anon_bee:  What FBIL could be suggesting is this pretty awful new bachelor party thing that’s getting pretty popular.

Instead of having the strippers dance/whatever, they just wander around serving drinks and bringing cigars… Except naked (or nearly naked). They’re basically sexy servants!

Just in case grinding on a guy for money wasn’t misogynist enough! They figured out something even more demeaning.

Post # 13
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You know what, you are not happy with it…and that is completely fine!! Your fiance needs to respect your wishes if he wants to marry you. If you have a big problem with strippers then your fiance should refuse to attend a party with them….sometimes sacrifices are made in relationships. Tell your fiance how you feel, and if he doesn’t stand up to his brother..then I would question whether he cared enough to do so!

Post # 14
539 posts
Busy bee

There’s a post on this site about private strippers performing oral sex on one another and using sex toys as a show for the men. Disgusting. Private strippers are even worse than strip club strippers.

What’s up saying you’re being “that girl” and basically apologizing for feeling uncomfortable about your future husband getting a lap dance, or having tits rubbed on his face? There is nothing wrong with not being ok with that. To me, that is cheating and SO can’t cheat on me ever, not even at a party right before the wedding. If he wants to get lap dances and go to strip clubs, then he can find a woman who’s fine with that because I’m not.

Post # 15
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@another_anon_bee:  talk to you FI?– YES. If I were in your shoes, this would be a ‘hell no’ And even if your FI is creeped out by strippers, he’s not going to NOT enjoy seeing someone nearly naked dancing sexily for him. That’s why men go to these places, because it’s enjoyable eye candy. 

After hearing in detail what your FBIL planned you have every single right to say no to this plan. Dont let your feelings get badly hurt before you walk down the aisle.

Post # 16
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I wonder if your FI’s best man is friends with my husband and his friends because the party they are planning for your FI is exactly the same as what his groomsmen planned for his bachelor party. Only difference was I didn’t know anything about it and I never would have if my sister had not told me.  Do not let these guys fool you, the strippers who go to private house parties are much more ‘liberal’ they do not have state laws governing what they can and cannot do, everything is on the table.. For a price 


i found out the night of his party that the guys had planned a live sex show as part of the entertainment. They also had topless waitresses as well, which sadly was the least of my problems . I was shocked and really disgusted , especially since the party was being held in my house . in my opinion, putting your foot down and ‘forbidding ‘ them from doing this isn’t going to help. I feel like groomsmen will go even harder if the bride starts complaining or making rules.  I think the best bet is to talk to FI and let him know how you feel, no unexpected surprises.  I’m sure your FI will respect your wishes and maybe he can get the guys to agree to a club or something . 


For what it’s worth, I totally understand how you feel and I’m sorry you have to deal with this :(. I hope you guys can come to an agreement thst makes both of you comfortable  


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