- 10 years ago
I’m a longtime lurker on these boards, and have probably passed the newlywed cut-off date, but I’m hoping you’ll indulge me while I vent. I apologize in advance for my lack of brevity.
I’m nine months pregnant as of today. My husband just returned from a bachelor party extravaganza in another state (we live in Hawaii, so suffice it to say he was an ocean away).
I’ve known for months that he was taking the trip, as he is the best man for this wedding. Oh, and I should add–the trip was to my home state, so I was very envious that my prego self could not visit as well. However, the actual wedding is not until next year–the party was worked around football season. Now if anyone is going to understand this kind of dude scheduling, it would be me. I am a huge sports fan and actually worked in the sports department of the newspaper up until this week.
My husband is pretty mellow and so are his friends, so I knew the shenanigans would likely be kept to a minimum. One trip to a strip club was made, and it sounded pretty tame. But I find myself feeling bitter. And insecure. And really not wanting to be close to him. I don’t know how much of it is due to pregnancy; certainly, I am not feeling overly attractive at this late stage in the game, but I haven’t put on a lot of weight and have been fortunate in general. Still, all of a sudden, the changes I’ve tried to embrace in my body are running in stark contrast to images of lithe strippers gyrating to and fro.
Can anyone relate? I mean, it’s almost humorous. I’m at home reading up on cracked nipple treatments for breastfeeding and doing google searches for how my vag will fare after delivery, and he’s in another state golfing and boozing and looking at nipples in an entirely different way.
Trust is not the issue. Overall, my husband is the the kind of partner I always hoped for. I guess I just feel sad, and coupled with all of the anxiety akin to being a first-time Mom, I am turning inward. We did try to talk about it and both agree that it is almost impossible for him to relate to this particular set of feelings. He does try and has been very involved with the pregnancy as a whole. I’m not vehemently opposed to strip clubs, we just haven’t dealt with them throughout the course of our relationship. I didn’t realize that I would feel crappy over this. It has me ruminating about the body I may not return to (among other vain concerns). I’m sure the bitterness will pass. Thanks for allowing me to air out my feelings.
P.S. I might add that I am not one of the fortunate ones whose boobs blow up to stripper-esque proportions. Nope, they have stayed exactly the same. Sigh.