(Closed) bachelor party … WHYdo they have to happen?!?

posted 9 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 45
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think the OP gives 2 sh*ts about the fact he is sleeping in the hotel. It’s the all night E, K and Coke party with girls being brought back to the room etc, that she is TRULY worried about.  Which is FINE.  I wouldn’t tolerate my Fiance should he propose doing that for his bachelor party either.

But if you date someone who does drugs, you are hardly in any position to start worrying about it now.

Post # 46
Member
7294 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i just read through this all of this and here is my impression of what is going on.  The OP does not want her Fiance to spend that night in the hotel because his friends are likely to do illegal drugs.  Several PPs have said she should trust him and there should be no issue.  But we don’t know her Fiance or his friends. I think if he IS hanging out with these people and wants to go do the hotel thing, then he is actually quite likely to also do drugs along with his friends….and THAT i could see the OP reasonably being uncomdortable with.  

And perhaps she is masking what she is really afraid of (him overdosing perhaps?) with the silly idea that neither of them can sleep in a hotel until its with each other for the first time.   The OP has not said (unless i read too quickly, so correct me if i am wrong), that she trusts her Fiance to NOT do drugs.  And now that he has agreed to her request, i can imagine it is because he knew what he was really planning to do there as well and that it was not really a good idea.

just my take on things. thoughts?

Post # 47
Member
7294 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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@Oneeleven:  lol, looks like we were writing the same idea at the same time!

Post # 48
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

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@dynamic_duo: could be, but I think she should have been honest with him, and not said that it was about the hotel. Unless this is just what she is telling us, and they had the real conversation

Post # 49
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

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@Oneeleven: Did you read something that I missed? I didn’t see anything about e, k or coke??? My responses would have been different if so

Post # 50
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

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@MrsSl82be:

The OP eludes to that in her updates. I just gave the drugs some names and picked ones that often go hand in hand with hotel rooms.

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@dynamic_duo:

Great minds…. Tongue out

Post # 51
Member
7294 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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@MrsSl82be: my other impression is that she is trying to control his drug behavior by using the “us in a hotel” excuse.  maybe she feels she has no way to stop him from doing drugs, so with each opportunity, she tries to divert him for other reasons or  methods?  i am totally reading between the lines here so i could be way off.

also, i agree that of course she should communicate with him directly. maybe she is afraid of losing him if she does. who knows.  also, she mentioned that him spending the night in the hotel is against her morals (makes sense if she means the drugs), but so maybe she doesn’t even want to admit to herself then that she is about to marry someone with such different morals. another reason to hide behind the “us in a hotel for the first time” excuse, sje might have convinced herself of this story as well and why she is telling it this way…

this is all my speculation of course.

Post # 52
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

i mean i saw that she mentioned the drugs in passing but it didn’t really seem to be her main concern…so if it was she should have said that, not all this b.s. about the hotel room. 

Post # 53
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If her real concern is his drug use and her disapproval of it – then they shouldn’t be planning a wedding, much less a bachelor party!

Post # 54
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@littleG: Even though I find your views on this upsetting, I’m glad you are on this site, because I think you could use some new perspectives on your opinions. 

I read some of the other posts you have started, and in one you made this coment: “as a 26 year old european girl i have always lived at home, never have been on holidays or stayed over night with anyone … my life has been pretty strict and very controlled. still to this day i have a curfew.”

That must be pretty difficult.  It seems like you come by this behavior honestly, but is that really how you want your marriage to be?

Post # 55
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My FIs was last Sat and I didnt like it at all but me and the girls and the family went out to eat and had a good time that night, however, what bothered me more was the day after! It was a beautiful day and we could’ve got more things done but noooo he had to drink too much

Post # 56
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

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@Oneeleven:

Ok I think the drug thing was directed at his friends and not him. I also think shes pulling that card to get sone sympathy. Sorry, sad but true. I get what you’re saying but I think it’s a far stretch. Besides if someone really wanted to do drugs they don’t need a hotel and not all guys who get a hotel bring back girls. We do it when we go downtown bc it’s safer and cheaper than having to get a taxi. I read some of her other posts and she sounds very sheltered and I’m sorry I can see my teenage neice writing this. So we will see!

Post # 57
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow is all I have to say. (Ok no not really)

 

I’m also a little confused by the OP when she said she didn’t even want a bachelorette party but her Fiance forced her to have one.  Yet she started a thread about how excited she is to have one and what she’s wearing etc.

OP I think you have way more underlying issues than this whole “hotel room” fiasco. There seems to be lots of insecurity on your part and you can’t allow yourself to take it out on your Fiance.  In the end a hotel room is a place to sleep, there really isn’t anything special about it at all.  The controlling behaviour you describe from your parents seems to be leaking over into your life and you’re basically doing the same thing to your Fiance.  Unfortunetly it may come back to bite you one day.

Post # 58
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It sounds like you place a lot of importance on things that are important and new to you but trivial to everyone else. So the hotel thing is a big deal to you, but your husbands night out with his guys in a hotel should not have any effect on the specialness of YOUR first night together in a hotel. You are being unfair to restrict your husband because of your inexperience with the world. He may bend to your will to make you happy but everyone will see that you are being controlling and insecure, and deep down, he will too. Put his feelings ahead of yours on this one, unless you truly believe he will engage in illegal or harmful activities. I understand that its very exciting to experience new things with your man, but to get upset at him for doing perfectly usual things because they are new to you is not fair to him.

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