(Closed) bachelor party … WHYdo they have to happen?!?

posted 9 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 62
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@littleG: To be honest, I see “strippers, drugs, and hotels” and think to myself, “One of these things is not like the others.” Hotels are pretty much harmless…I guess my big question is, why are you so against him staying a hotel? I’m not asking to be snarky, I’m just genuinely curious. There has to be more to it than you’ve told us.

Post # 63
36 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012


A) You posted this on a public forum, which begs for opinions (ie judging)

B) first you said it was the stripper thing, then you said it was the drugs, then you said it was the Hotel thing.  Sounds like you had this hotel thing all hyped up in your mind.  Has HE been in a hotel room before?  If so, the night with the guys is no different from any other night in a hotel.  I feel sorry for this guy, actually.

Post # 64
5103 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

“besides, i have read in other posts that there are plenty of other bees who have this same concern regarding strippers and bachelor nights out – im not the only one -“

But you clearly stated the fact in your previous posts that strippers were NEVER going to be included in his guy’s night.

So what exactly is the issue?

And what kind of freakin’ hotel do you think he’s staying in? A hotel is a place to sleep. No more, no less. Unless of course he’s paying for the room by the hour…


Post # 65
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@littleG:it seems like in fact it is the majority of you who dont care what your partners do, have no boundaries and no morals and have the mentaility of ‘let him/her do what they want’ …. well to me that isn;t right …


now that is out of line. Most people agreed with you that strippers and drugs are huge no-nos for us as well. To accuse people of having no morals or boundaries because we dont see the issue with letting our dear men spend a night in a hotel with his friends is going to get you no friends. You came on here asking our opinion and quite frankly, sometimes people dont see that they are being unreasonable and need to hear it from other people. If you cant take other peoples advice than dont ask for it, but dont accuse people who you know nothing about of having no morals. I understand that it hurts to hear people tell you that you are in the wrong here, or that you are being controlling or unreasonable. But if the only issue is that you dont want him staying in a hotel without you then really its the truth. Just because you believe it or feel strongly about it doesnt make it fair or right, and it has nothing to do with morals unless drugs and strippers are involved.

Post # 66
2583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@Mrs Grape: Same here.


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@littleG: I’m going to be 100% honest with you. Almost all the posters here had complete empathy with you, and for part of your post, we still do. I do not like the idea of strippers or drugs either, although you didn’t mention drugs until much later which seems odd. But the hotel room thing has everyone scratching our heads- why are you so against them?? Most people here were not negative, and are still trying to figure out what’s wrong with him staying at a hotel.

as for everyone else, im pretty sure i mentioned in my first post that i know its unreasonable but that is the way i am

We can respect who you are, and I’m sure your Fiance loves you as you are. But there’s a point where being unreasonable is becoming a little controlling, and from what you’ve told us, you’re at that point- why stick by something you yourself admit is unreasonable?

Lastly, you tell us not to tell you what to do or who you are- and yet you just told us that we all have no morals and don’t mind strippers and we should all grow up. Think about that- who’s judging?

Post # 67
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I didn’t want my fiance to go to the strippers either…but he did! I got over it. Hey, and he also slept in a hotel over night, in another city. Relax, it’s a fun night out with the guys, and it’s no big deal staying in a hotel room with the guys.


You said you don’t want to make up the decision for him, you don’t want to tell him him YES or NO, but essentially, that is what you did. You just forced him into saying no, without actually saying no?!!?!

Post # 68
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow. Maybe it is the fact that we are almost a decade older, and have been together or almost 12 years, but there was no conversation needed with Fiance and I. We know what we expect of one another and respect each other. No need for guidelines, rules, or pre-party discussions. You just respect yourself and the other person. Part of that respect is trusting them, even overnight alone. If You have the type of relationship you describe, not only are you lucky, butnyou have a very trustworthy guy. So I am confused about the worry and lack of trust after hearing how much you two are in tune. You don’t want to build a relationship on guilting anyone into doing anything, free will is huge, and knowing what your boudaries are for yourself in respect of the other person.

I’m not judging, just my two cents. I am glad you worked it out, and you both are happy.

Post # 69
7368 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’m just shaking my head that this foolishness.


Post # 71
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

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@littleG: Is it just him staying in the hotel, would it be the two of you if you’re picking him up, or would it be the entire party? I’m confused on who would actually be in the hotel. 

Post # 72
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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@littleG: The only reason I gave you my opinion is because you asked for it:


And I thought I might be able to help you out a bit from a fella’s perspective. Thought that might be valuable to you. There’s no way of telling you that you are being unreasonable without you feeling a bit hurt. So when you ask, “Am I being unreasonable” and the answer is a unanimous “Yes!,” be aware, for future reference, that it could sting.

Note there are a million things in your recent posts that I would love to address. But because you didn’t ask me, I won’t give you any thoughts on those. That’s how I play nicely on the Internet. I’m merely trying to help you with your question of whether or not you are being reasonable. In that respect, since you clarified in your most recent post that you have no fear of the stripper issue or the drug issue, and that your only issue is the hotel: Yes—you are being unreasonable.

Post # 73
1363 posts
Bumble bee

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@SimplyChic11: She has spoken to him, they argued about it, pretty sure he knows she is unhappy with it. This in no way means she is going into a marriage where she can’t trust her FH. If anything, it just shows she should be more trusting of him.

But I agree, OP, let it go. You asked if you were being unreasonable and the answer is plainly yes. Not being horrible though, it is just the truth! As many others have said, you have been to a hotel before and your first time TOGETHER will still be amazing and special. This has no real effect on you, other than bugging you. So talk to him, yes, as you already have, but really I think even if he agrees to your terms, you are wrong. He deserves to celebrate with his friends and staying in a hotel is really no big deal.

Post # 74
1806 posts
Buzzing bee

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Ok you guys. No sense in beating a dead horse. If the girl thinks hotels are disrepectful and against her morals/values (say whatttt?) then there’s no sense in trying to ration with her. Even though she asked if she was being unreasonable, she obviously only wanted puppies and rainbow answers.

At this point it’s time to go play with glitter and polly pockets.

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