(Closed) bachelor party woes / i feel lost

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 77
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I hate the posts asking why you are upset. What happened to the sisterhood?! He acted in a disrespectful way, and just because he confessed all, doesn’t make it okay. I DO think that you can trust him, because he’s being open and honest with you. But just because you can trust him doesn’t mean it’s okay to act in a way that is going to leave you feeling so traumatised! You don’t need to list every single thing that he is not allowed to do. In my eyes that should be an unspeaken rule: you don’t do things that you know will upset your OH.

I can, one hundred million percent, understand why you are upset. In fact in your shoes I would be inconsolable. I think you should just talk it out..and make him sweat. Ask how he’d feel if the tables were turned. And make him PAY big. I’m talking get spoiled! And I hope that you are okay. <3

Post # 79
Member
4173 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

It’s ok to be upset, but don’t let it ruin your life…he got REALLY drunk and a couple of glitter covered hussies writhed all over him for a while…pretty typical bachelor party if you ask me….that’s what these guys do to each other, it’s supposed to be gross…I’m not saying I agree by any means, but it’s what happens….they laugh about it, they take funny pictures, they drink..A LOT and in the morning, when their heads clear…it’s palm to the face what the hell did I do?  That’s part of the punchline, and we’re not privvy to the joke.  And thinking he did this to you is the wrong mindset, men don’t set out to DO anything to anyone, that’s a feminine artform…he went out for a crazy night on the town and got more than he bargained for, also, never underestimate the power of the pack, in addition to the booze, he probably felt a TON of pressure from the other guys to go along with the program, even if it included two chicks named Diamond and Sapphire….bleh, I can assure you it NEVER occurred to him that you would be upset, probably didn’t have time to…and it’s ok for you to be angry, and tell him why, and for him to apologize and for you to accept, when your ready to….but don’t question everything about your love for each other, being married means a lot of things, mostly getting over the stupid crap you put each other through..head up, it’s ok!

Post # 80
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

OP, that would make me sick too. 

I can be ok with him going to a strip club and watching.  I am not ok with him being grinded by some chick. Just my opinion. 

I would say if you want, attend the counseling. He clearly is upset about it too. Which is a very good thing. If he was fighting and telling you that your overreacting i would feel a little different. 

Good luck! 

Post # 81
Member
4173 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I get that your upset, but don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater…he obivously feels bad about it, he can’t change it…so what else is there to do?

Post # 82
Member
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Nona99:    “. . . it NEVER occurred to him that you would be upset . . .”

I don’t know about anyone else, but I don’t want to be married to someone whom it wouldn’t occur to that I would be upset about that.  He should know me better than that if he’s going to marry me.

My opinion is that it did occur to him.  He made the choice to do it anyway.

However, I agree with everything else you said, that peer pressure and alcohol got to him.  I’m sure he feels like a complete idiot.

I think if I were the OP I’d be arranging a trip with the girls (wives and SO’s of her FI’s friends) to a male strip show and give him a taste of his own medicine.  And hopefully he’ll never do something that stupid ever again.

Edit:  The thing is – the thought of another naked man besides my Fiance anywhere near me, let alone rubbing himself all over me – makes me feel sick to even think about.  I would never allow it and I feel sure my Fiance feels the same way I do about things like that. 

OP:  Please let me add this – I don’t think your Fiance ever in a million years meant to hurt you.  I think he made a huge error in judgment and screwed up.  I also think this is a very forgivable thing.  I know you’re upset and you have every right to be.  But let him make it up to you.  I’m sure he feels terrible.  Don’t make him pay for it too long.  It’s not worth ruining a good relationship over something that the guys talked him into.  And it was a bachelor party and guys have egos about things like that.  It was just one of those “masculine pretense” things, I’m sure.  You know he loves you.  He really loves YOU.  ((HUGS))

Post # 83
Member
3879 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@CLA0225:  I’d be upset too. And the images in my head would drive me mad. I’m not a prude, not even in the least bit, but I have never understood the need for a man to go spend his last time as a “single man” viewing naked women, especially to the point of the extreme touching, etc. I think it’s disrespectful to his future wife. Unless she honestly doesn’t care, then, well, whatever. Most of the men I know go out to a cabin or deer lease for a night, build a bonfire, drink beer and shoot the shit for their bachelor parties. I just don’t get the connection of “I have to see naked women one last time before I’m married” notion.

But it sounds like he’s sorry, it’s done and over with, so the best thing you can do is just try to forget it. What’s done is done, unfortunately girl.

Post # 84
Member
4173 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Sunfire:  I dig you lady!  You got awsome stuff to say, but I’m serious when I say it NEVER occurred to him…I sincerely doubt that my husband runs around all day wondering if I’ll approve of something or not…that’s just silly….we’re on the same wavelength, but still…sometimes you just DO stuff, cause you want to….we’re not psychically connected, he can’t possbily guess what my reaction to EVERYTHING will be…and if he could, how freaking boring is that…..and OP listed her ground rules for this booze soaked outing…technically what happened, while totally base and wrong, passed muster…it’s still wrong and he messed up, but let’s not get nuts here. It’s a bachelor party, she had some idea of what was going to happen otherwise why put the rules on it???? 

Post # 85
Member
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Nona99:    Hmmmm..  I agree with some of what you’re saying.  But I really and truly believe that no matter how drunk my Fiance ever got or who he was with or whatever pressure he was put under – even if he caved – he’d still have no doubt in his mind how I’d feel about it.  Whatever it was.  I believe he knows me that well, at least I hope he does.

I don’t think what happened was exactly premeditated on her FI’s part, so you are probably right in what you’re saying.  He just didn’t THINK at the time.  But he should have KNOWN how she would feel about it.  Right?

Post # 86
Member
4173 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Sunfire:  Eh….it’s a really romantic concept that the men in our lives would be so sensitive and involved, and while my husband is a sublime man who I love intensly…I sincerely don’t think he would KNOW that…she had an idea of what was going down, they did the rule thing, he had a plan, he was kinda following it….it’s a grey area to me on this one and while I can totally respect her feelings, I can’t imagine ANY woman really liking the whole thing, she can’t say she’s surprised by it either.

Post # 87
Member
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Nona99:   I see what you’re saying, it was a misunderstanding between them.  I sincerely hope they can work it out and move past it now.  It’s not a dealbreaker. 

I think we should start a thread on “Bachelor Party Guidelines for Couples to Agree About Beforehand” and have all of us add things to it.  And make it so simple that even a man can understand it, lol.  😉

Isn’t it funny that you hardly ever hear about a guy getting upset about a bachelorette party?  Is it that we have more common sense about such things?

Post # 88
Member
4173 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Sunfire:  I sincerely hope you are right about your Fiance, cuz let me tell you, I had no idea how drunk a person could get until one night I get a call from my friends to come get my husband….so sauced he could barely walk, singing show tunes to the car…then he starts to apologize for being trashed on the way home..then he starts to apologize for things that uncontrollable, like humidity, which I hate cuz I frizz and the fact that the cat horks up hairballs…then he apologizes for the Holocaust and polka music…we were home by that time…so much throwing up….

Post # 89
Member
4173 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Sunfire:  You know, this whole bachelor/bachelorette thing gets me every time..it’s like a party where people attempt to bring up insecurity and mistrust into your relationship RIGHT before you get married…counterproductive, no?  And for the record I’ve seen a few guys blow a gasket after finding out just what happened at their blushing bride’s party…those male entertainers…they manhandle ya!  I’m not a fan, I usually step outside for a “smoke” if they start coming my way…but I get it, it’s a last hurrah and some people really want to take the full tour on this marriage train, I say, let em!  You can make rules and arragements all you want…your never going to know how you feel about it till it’s over and done, and then the best any lady can do is handle it with grace, something about a woman that can take it on the chin….as my grandfather would have said.

Post # 90
Member
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Nona99:   Bahahaha!  You know, I can totally see my Fiance apologizing for things that aren’t his fault if he were that trashed – he wants me to be 100% happy all the time, even if it’s about something he can’t control, like the weather.  🙂  I think this means they really love us.  However, singing show tunes, not so much, lol.  Polka music, though, that needs an apology.

I completely agree with you that bach/bach-ette parties seem designed by outsiders to try to mess with the couple – who knows why?  Maybe they’re cynical, jaded and jealous of a happy couple.  I wouldn’t put it past some people.  This is why my Fiance and I aren’t having either, thank God.  It’s useless.  If either of us decides to it will be a strictly golf-related (him) or spa day with the girls (me); zero strippers anywhere in sight.  My Fiance doesn’t even go to strip clubs, he thinks the whole thing is strange and a waste of money.  He said the most uncomfortable thing ever (for him) is being with a bunch of guys with hard dicks watching some half-naked ugly chick swing around on a pole and take their money. 

I saw a bride-to-be once behaving so disgusting with a male stripper on the night before her wedding.  She was trashed, he had his dick in her face, she was rubbing all over him. Then they started kissing and licking their tongues all over each other, it was gross and I jetted right then.  I can imagine how she must have felt the next morning, at the church, in her white dress, walking down the aisle to vow faithfulness to the sucker that was waiting for her.  I hope she had a massive hangover.  I wanted to trip her on the way down.  So, yeah, women can be stupid, too. 

Post # 91
Member
4173 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Sunfire:  Yeah…she probably felt like a whore….that sux, but whatever, it’s a beat you can dance to if you wanna….my husband’s the same, strip clubs and strippers in general weird him out…he’d rather go to a shooting range or fishing…so manly…we didn’t have time to do any of that crap, planned and pulled of a wedding in 30 days, total blast!  My best friend, who asked me to Maid/Matron of Honor for her has purchased a ticket for the “full tour” as it is, but as far as a bachelorette party goes, I’m planning a fun night at a cabaret here in Denver, known for fabulous drag shows, right up her alley AND we’ll be safe as kittens, my husband is the best man…so yeah, either shooting range or fishing for the groom…rock on!  I don’t think my husband apologizes cause he wants me to be happy, that ain’t his job, I make me happy, he makes me smile!

The topic ‘bachelor party woes / i feel lost’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors