(Closed) Bachelor party…how to not be upset with him

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 33
Member
7321 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I am still somewhat jaded from my cheating ex boyfriend, so feel free to ignore me but…

This sounds exactly like the kind of crap he used to say all the time before I found out he was a cheater. For example, he’d go to house parties and come back saying “Oh this girl was trying to kiss on me so I went outside to get away from her.” If he went to a club “Oh this girl tried to get with me but I went back to the bar and stopped talking to her…”

I soon realized he was telling me these things because he was guilty and wanted to confess to SOMETHING, just not what actually happened because he knew I’d leave.

I am all for bachelor parties and the whatnot, but it’s the info he’s giving you that’s sounding off to me.

he is all into fitness and he said i dont compliment him enough and it was nice to hear.

Oh ok, the classic “If you think about it this is really your fault” line. Yup, heard that before too. He used to try to flip it around on me like I was being a bad girlfriend when really he was behaving like an ass.

Post # 34
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MGNHARRIS9: Hmm…I suppose it would be impossible to know since you weren’t there. One suggestion though – if he says you don’t compliment him enough, perhaps think whether that’s true or not. I’m reading the Five Love Languages and it’s been super enlightening about what makes each person loved. I don’t mean go overboard and make his ego blow up like a balloon, but if you realistically can compliment him more then think about that.

My gut is to trust him and still let it go unless he’s given you reason to think otherwise. Many people hate bachelor parties for these types of situations, but they are what they are. If it still bothers you and you can’t let it go, bring it up with your Fiance again.

Post # 36
Member
1412 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I have to agree with @KatyElle: on this one. I hope he didn’t do anything more than he told you but he seems to have spun it around on you pretty quickly. I’d be asking for all the details.

I personally wouldn’t be letting this go as easily. But, only you know your relationship, I guess….

Post # 37
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would be very uncomfortable if my SO told me he was dancing with a bunch of women while drinking. I wouldn’t have cared if there just happened to be some girls there and they were all talking and drinking. That is just me though. I know my husband would never get drunk and start dancing with other women, we both kind of feel the same way about partying and drinking with the opposite sex and have openly talked about it.

You two really need to have a serious discussion about what your boundaries are as a couple

Post # 38
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Crisark:

I’m going to third this opinion. We could all be completely wrong but the fitness thing bothers me. I wouldn’t just drop it because it was his bachelor party. I get it bachelor parties are wild, okay. Honestly, though, it seems a little different when you have a stripper who is doing a job vs. men and women on a boat drinking and dancing. The fact that he said if someone tried something he’d stop it just sounds wrong, and I can’t place why.

Post # 39
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@weddingdiva-in-training:I think that’s a bit harsh. You can’t really say someone is being ‘ridiculous’ for feeling this way and it’s also quite unkind.

Post # 40
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

i totally understand that this is a tough one!  i have had a bf cheat on me in the past so i’m a little jaded. But my current man (now my fiance!), when we first got together he went away camping at a festival that I couldn’t make it to. he was away drinking non stop for 3 days, and his phone died.  later on i saw photos on facebook and saw that there was a really attractive girl hanging out with him a lot – i went nuts!!!  (ended up bursting into tears at work just because i saw a pretty girl in some photos. That’s it, nothing happened!! I even checked this with another friend who was there with him – embarrassing!) he at first thought i was insane because of how upset i got.  but when i explained to him ‘how would you feel if i was away and not in contact and then you saw me hanging out with a very attractive guy’ he realized that yes it would upset him a little… So, in the end i think he thought it was kind of cute and funny that i had a little jealousy attack.  Don’t feel badly for being a little insecure about his bachelor party, that’s totally normal and your man should acknowledge that.  

I also don’t think you have anything to worry about.  Of course there’s going to be beautiful girls out there, but he is engaged to YOU and coming home to YOU.  It sounds like maybe he just wants to be told that you think he’s hot so go ahead and tell him!  if that makes him happy then that’s easy and all’s good.  and remember, you can always get your own back with a bit of flirting on your bachelorette night (or just a girls’ night out) – do a bit of harmless flirting, and you’ll see that it is just a bit of fun and nice to have someone pay you attention and compliment you once in a while and it will keep him on his toes.  but don’t worry!  he loves you and you love him Kiss

Post # 42
Member
3974 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think it’s understandible that you are hurt/jealous, but I think you need to get a grip on yourself. This is NOT a big deal. He told you what happened, which was nothing but dancing with some random girls he will never see again. Your Fiance loves you and never meant to hurt you… in time, you will so get over this! Don’t make such a big deal that you damage things that are not broken!

Post # 43
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Ah this is hard, but I think just try to forget about it! It was his bachelor party after all, and he is supposed to have a good time with his friends! Yes, there were girls involved, but he was honest with you and they were just dancing. You obviously trust him because you are marrying him, so try to just forget about it. Last weekend, my fiance had his bachelor party, and he went for dinner and then out to a club and danced. I know he was dancing with girls, I even saw the pictures. Yes, I was bothered about it, and made a big deal about it so I know how you feel. However, I just started thinking about putting myself in his shoes. His guys took him out to have a good time! Guys get a lot of pressure from their friends, and how hard would it be for him to be away with his buds and say “no I don’t want to dance with everyone I’ll just sit here by myself!”. Truthfully for my bachelorette, we also went dancing and I got my picture taken with some cute air pilots, and had some guys buy me drinks. It’s a party, a celebration, you’re meant to have fun. While you may have feelings of jealousy, try to put it behind you and look forward to your marriage!! Also, he didn’t go to a strip club and there are some bachelor parties that definitely end up there!

Post # 44
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Uck, my stomach dropped when I read your post, bc this sounds like something Fiance friends would end up doing with him. We’ve agree’d to have our “parties” together with our friends bc we have the agreement of no bars without each other (YES we do trust each other, but why put one another in the position to ever be tempted, as you can read from all other posts, it can tear a relationship to pieces so we just stay away from bars unless we can go together). Anyway, MY advice for you is to not get mad, but get even 🙂 When is YOUR party? I suggest you come home and tell him the same things he told you (even if you make it up). Just so he knows how you felt!!! He may hear with his ears that you are “hurt” from his actions. But if you want him to know how it FEELS, do the same. I’m not one to give the advice of “get even”, but in this case we aren’t talking about cheating, we are just talking about letting him FEEL what you FELT. And I promise you it will bother him. Maybe not right away, but over the next few days you will probably get a fewsubltle  comments on it. That way you know it really got to him. THen after about a week or so, just say something like “it’s really not a good feeling is it” And leave it at that! That will be the last time it ever happens 🙂

Post # 45
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think you have every right to be upset.  It’s good he told you about it and all but he never should have allowed a bunch of half naked girls to grind on him in the first place and then he wouldn’t have had to walk away or jump in the water every time some chick tried to make a pass at him.  I’m sure you will get over it in time and you will stop dwelling on what he did. 

Post # 46
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

ah, glad to hear you are feeling better!  i look back on it now and just think it’s so funny how mental I was about it, and him and my friends were all so patient with me being a little neurotic.  we are all entitled to little freakouts now and again!

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