Post # 1
So my Fiance has been talking about his bachelor party and i don’t really see a point to us having seperate parties. I would prefer we each do a little thing sepratley like the girls go for nails and supper and the guys go do what guys do and than we could meet up and go to a club all together. He told me yesterday that his one groomsman plans on renting a hotel room by a well known street with lots of bars/clubs. I think this is completley unneccasary and don’t know why they would need a hotel room unless they plan on bringing girls back which really bothers me. I told him i don’t think that’s a good idea and if he doesn’t come home we will be breaking up. I trust him and know he would never cheat but, it just seems like his friends are pushing him in the direction that it’s his last night “single” except not at all. All his friends are single and not the commitment types so they can’t understand our realtionship and what it is like to be loyal and in love. I guess i’m just mad at his friends for being so juvenile. I also overheard him and two of his groomsmen talking the other night saying stupid things like if it was my last night i would f** some random chick for the last time but, luckily i heard my Fiance say he wouldn’t do something like that and said they were bad news. What kinds of things are/did your FI’s do for there bachelor parties?
Post # 3
@roxy_angell13: My Fiance hasn’t had his yet, but the plan is for he and his guy friends to take a weekend away (probably to Montreal) and drink themselves silly.
I trust my Fiance completely so him spending a weekend away with the guys is totally fine with me.
Honestly guys wanting to get a hotel room to stay in after the bachelor party seems pretty normal to me. I’d just think they want to get SUPER wasted and drink until ungodly hours of the morning and then crash.
If you are really worried about his friends, why not have an adult conversation with your Fiance about your concerns rather than giving him an argumentative ultimatum that if he stays in a hotel for his bachelor party your relationship is over.
Even though you say you trust him, and ultimatum like that makes it sound like you don’t and that you think if he’s around his unsavory friends he WILL fall into unsavory behavior with them.
Post # 4
Whoops! Sorry for the double post.
Post # 5
If you say you trust your man and truly mean it then let him do what HE wants to do, because you have to be able to trust. I know it is extremely hard and the whole time you are worrying, but look at it this way if he does mess up then atleast its before you marry him and you know then where your love stands.
Post # 6
Our entire bridal party is going to a gentleman’s club. Like all the bridesmaids and groomsmen. I don’t see a problem with celebrating your last “single” night. I will buy the Fiance a lapdance from some chick with plastic boobs and shoes and not worry about it. He is going home with me, so I’m cool with it. The kind of party you are describing, I consider pretty much the norm. I of course don’t condone cheating in any way, nor do I think that most men would cheat in that situation. My recommendation, please don’t make threats to him. This really sets the tone for his “juvenile behavior”. Let him know in a calm and respectful manner how it makes you feel. I think you should let him have a party but make sure you set ground rules- calmly! 🙂 Please don’t start a new marriage with jealousy.
Post # 7
I’m a Sept bride and will be spending my bach weekend in a rented house on the water. My idea is just to spend some time with my closest girl friends — lounging on the beach, drinking cocktails, playing games and maybe visiting some nearby bars. My Fiance probably plans on something similar. We both see it as a time to spend with our closest friends — not really as a time to hookup with other folks. I know bach parties get the stigma for “oh it’s you’re last night singe” but I think if you’re really ready and mature enough for marriage — then this mindset shouldn’t even exist. Yes, it’s fun dancing out at a bar/club but it doesn’t mean at all that someone would come home with you. The fact that they guys want to spend a night out – I think is totally normal. Most of the bach parties I’ve been too, we’ve rented a hotel room/house/crashed at someone’s place. But to think that means that someone is coming home is totally out of the question. Hopefully your Fiance friends are just poking fun and are mature enough not to get into those types of shenanigans.
Post # 8
I think the idea of renting a hotel room is more so they don’t have to worry about getting home safetly and the can continue to party when they get back to the hotel.. not to bring girls home.
Post # 9
My Fiance went to New Orleans for a weekend with a bunch of guys. I’ve never heard of a bachelor party where they didn’t get a hotel room to crash in at the end of the night. To me its more about convenience/avoiding DUIs after a night of drinking. Make sure your Fiance knows what your boundaries are before the party and let him enjoy himself. If you say you trust him then show him you trust him.
Post # 10
It seems like you might be overreacting just a little…and don’t forget, it’s his bachelor party too! It doesn’t seem fair for you to say what he’s “allowed to do”.. As long as you trust him (and hopefully you do) and as long as you communicate to him what you are/are not comfortable with (aka, strip clubs are okay, but you would feel weird about lapdances, etc etc), then I think you should just let him go do his thing. It shouldn’t matter whether you trust his friends, as long as you trust him.
And in answer to your question, my Darling Husband went to Miami for the weekend with like 10 guys, stayed in a sick hotel suite, and went to multiple strip clubs/got lapdances, etc. Not saying that I was entirely happy about it, but I know that nothing horrible happened, he didn’t cheat on me, etc.
Post # 11
Personally I don’t think ultimatums are healthy – it is one thing to dicsuss your boundries as a couple, but another to have threats & ultimatums. I would dicuss your expectations & his and come to an agreement.
As a side note, getting a hotel room does not = bringing random girls/ guys back. We & everyone I’ve ever known get hotel rooms to be safe & responsible, and ensure that nobody drinks & drives.
Post # 12
You know I don’t think there is anything wrong with telling your FH what makes you uncomfortable about his bachelor party. I mean lets be honest sometimes things get downright ridiculous and it’s normally because of the single friends.
I don’t think you should threaten a break-up because he was going to stay the night in a hotel room, but definitely voice that you are not comfortable with that and hopefully he will respect that.
My FH and his friends rented a cabin in Big Bear and they had an awesome time. They all went snowboarding, played pool in the cabin, one of the guys brought his tattoo machine and tattooed one of the guys, they played beer pong and just had a really good time.
The only thing I asked of him that there would be NO Girls and NO strip clubs and he was fine with that.
Post # 13
Honestly its a bachelor party…boys get drunk and crazy and it’s probably smarter for them to crash at a hotel. If you really do trust him, you probably shouldnt have said you would break up with him if he did this with his friends. It’s perfectly normal to go out and have your last night with your close friends. I think you should just let him have his night and you go do something fun too on that same night! Get a hotel room with your girls! 🙂 It will be a blast! Try not to worry: If you trust him…he loves you and is marrying you! 🙂 Good Luck!
Post # 14
@roxy_angell13: Wow! You will break up with him if he stays at a hotel the night of his bachelor party? It doesn’t sound like you trust him to me!
My husband went to a Phillies game, drank himself silly and went out to a few more bars later that night. He spent the night in a hotel and came home the next morning.
Post # 15
I’d love for my Fiance to spend a night with his boys and crash in a hotel for the night. Since we live so far away from any of his friends, tho, he is crashing my bachelorette party. If you trust him, there shouldn’t be a problem letting him do with he wants (you heard him say to his guy friends that he wouldn’t do anything crazy). It’s is last night party with his friends as a single guy, I would be totally OK with it.
Post # 16
Just to make you feel better, my friend is talking about getting a hotel room for her bachelorette so we can all drink and no one has to drive. I don’t think it means they’re planning on bringing women back to the room.
I’m not sure I would threaten to break it off with him, but definitely let him know what makes you uncomfortable.