(Closed) Bachelorette Blues – The Tale of The Missing MOH

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have tried to just not think about my bridesmaids a lot.. it’s a bad time for all of them.  My Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister – she in her last year of law school, is graduating & studying for the bar.  She won’t be at my bachelorette, and isn’t involved in it at all.  My third bridesmaid wasn’t at my shower, and won’t be at my bachelorette.  She lives out of state and is busy with a new job.

If I thought too much about how little they are doing to be involved, I’d get upset, cause it’s totally not what I would do if I were in someone’s wedding..

But what can you do.  Life is what it is.. they can’t make it, they can’t be involved – we just plan around it.  I had to have my shower 3 months before my wedding cause that’s when my sister was on break.

I guess you could just get together with another bridesmaid and start planning it w/o her, tell her when you are metting to talk about it, and if she wants to be involved, she can be… if not, at least you’ll still get it planned.

Post # 4
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Honestly it sounds like she doesn’t want to do it. If your Bridesmaid or Best Man want to I’d say have them. If no one throws one is it really THAT big of deal? Or is it something you HAVE to have? Your sister might feel weird because it’s like your demanding for her to do something for you. Let it up to her or your Bridesmaid or Best Man. I’d tell your Bridesmaid or Best Man they need to talk to your sister instead of you. Or throw your own if you have to have it.

Post # 5
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Maybe instead of letting your Maid/Matron of Honor plan all of it, you can put her in charge of something specific like dinner reservations, invitations or games to play and let the rest of BMs plan the rest.  What would your Maid/Matron of Honor most enjoy planning?

Post # 6
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’d tell one of your BMs to talk to her and plan with her – aka plan it all herself, but let your sister save face.

Post # 7
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Well it just sounds like she means well but isn’t following through. Which, by the way, has nothing to do with being in college. I’m in college and am planning an out of state wedding and am in 2 weddings with those events to plan for and I’m still on top of things, mixed in with personal issues. I know people that are out of college and working and just have a hard time staying on top of things. Procrastination? Laziness? Who knows.

I agree with some of the others, maybe you should have another Bridesmaid or Best Man contact her and step in and “help” her. Sorry, good luck!

Post # 8
45 posts
  • Wedding: September 2010


I can totally relate to you!  Reading your post was like reading about what Im going through too.  Love my sister, but she hasn’t ever been IN a wedding, let alone been someones Maid/Matron of Honor.  We are going out of town for my Bach Party and the idea in the beginning was to send little STD’s to the girls to allow plenty of planning time.  That has now been thrown out as time has been flying by.  Also, any other plans  (showers etc etc) she just refers to my cousin (one of the BM’s) for planning ideas and leaves the other girls out….making them feel out of the loop and offended.

I have tried delegating jobs to other BM’s but my sister takes it personally and swears she will get started.  Other bm’s have tried contacting her, but “her life is just so busy” right now.  Needless to say, I just booked the hotel and dinner reservations myself, so if everything else falls through, we at least have an affordable place to stay and reservations at my fav restaurant.

Sigh……Im really trying not to come off as a “bridezilla” and start putting my foot down, but Maid/Matron of Honor is beginning to make me think I just need to take over and delegate. 

Post # 9
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

You could tell her one of your other BMs approached you and really wants to help plan (talk to another Bridesmaid or Best Man about this before of course).  That way the work can get done and she won’t feel like you’re taking the reins.

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