Bachelorette drama with future-MIL

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 136
2778 posts
Sugar bee

Agree, well handled! At With your own mother not going, there is nothing at all for her to fuss about, and you and your mom made a big sacrifice by doing that. I have NEVER heard of a parent attending a bachelor or bachelorette party so her pleading doesn’t make sense.

Good to put your foot down now rather than to set a pattern where she gets what she wants when she stamps her foot. 

Post # 137
1300 posts
Bumble bee

maeali :  I think you handled this as best you could.  In my crowd, parents don’t attend bachelorette or bachelor parties.  Maybe explain that if she continues to give you a hard time and thinks she’s missing out on something.  You’re compromising and (un)fortunately, it’s not the only time you’re going to have to in marriage.

Post # 139
349 posts
Helper bee

I think you are really being the bigger person and doing the right thing! Plus… honestly you can have a fun night out wiht your friends and your mom later  after you are married if you want that experience! 

Post # 140
432 posts
Helper bee

maeali :

Good for you but, my god… what a nutty way for her to act… If that’s her attitude, even after you’ve tried to work with her, you should just have it your way and tell your mom to meet you and your girls at whatever bar ya’ll go to later that night. Because it’s clear that no matter what you do, she’ll invent something to cry about. If your Future Mother-In-Law did end up going, she’d find another excuse to complain because she doesn’t know anyone and would feel left out anyway. It will always be something and it doesn’t seem like you can win with this one. Just don’t mention it to her or around her at all… Right now, she thinks your mom isn’t going so, just tell your mom to meet you and your girls much later wherever you end up. Make this plan with your mom only, no one else (don’t mention it to your friends either). Just have your dinner and festivities with everyone before you go as planned, put on a fake face (like we all have), go your separate ways, and LATER, have your fun with your mom and your friends. You’re a grown woman. Your plans are your business. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Might be a “taboo” solution but, right now, doesn’t sound like anyone’s happy including you, so what difference does it make?

Why should you care about her feelings at this point when she clearly doesn’t give a crap about yours? … I feel bad for you because even though I wouldn’t want moms (mine and definitely not his) at my bachelorette party, I can tell you’re really upset about your mom not being there and that’s not fair to you. You’ve tried to work with this woman and it still wasn’t enough so, I say do what makes YOU happy at this point. Can’t please everyone. Like I said before, if she can’t get over not being there, then she can’t expect forgiveness out of you for 10 years’ worth of nonsense from her. That’s irrational. This woman sounds like she will be unhappy with anything involving you regardless of how much you bend. She has toxic control issues and although your compromise is admirable, and to me you seem like a saint, life is too short to compromise your own happiness for someone who doesn’t respect your wishes, your space or care at all to compromise with you in return! Think it over. I hope it all works out for you.  

Post # 141
8580 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

cmsgirl :  

Off topic I know , but I just love this  !!

I’ve even been to a hens do where the brides mum and MIL(normalky straight laced traditional mums) sourced a joint and tried marijuana together for the first time”

So funny! 

Post # 142
8580 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

maeali :  

Well done you , a sacrifice that will , I think,  pay off well in the future with her.   And,  speaking as an old married woman , it’s always useful to have made a sacrifice  to remind one’s hushand of , lol.   Plus you have now established  delivery room  protocols! 

Post # 143
402 posts
Helper bee

I can’t believe her reaction! Gives me heart palpitations imaging having to deal with that. I hope you have a fun party!!

Post # 144
3874 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

The new plan sounds solid. I’m sorry your mum had to sacrifice coming along, but at least now your Future Mother-In-Law really has no leverage or argument whatsoever for coming. It’s really bizarre that she wants to come so bad!

Post # 145
133 posts
Blushing bee

you shouldn’t negotiate with terrorists

Post # 146
37 posts

My mum and all female in laws will be coming to my hen party. They will drop off and leave when they have had enough, so why not let them come? Hell my nanna is coming to mine! She’s 72 and can drink cocktails until the sun comes up 😂 

Maybe you need to just trust that she will leave once she’s had enough, I imagine the older ladies at my hen party will leave around midnight whilst the rest of us will be out until 5am as usual. Also, there will be other people there for her to talk to, you won’t have to babysit her. 

Post # 147
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree with many PPs – it’s so rude and petty to not invite your Mother-In-Law. Even if she can be overbearing, she is a person with feelings and part of your future family. She will be hurt if she is excluded. Be a bigger person. It’s just a party.

Edit: I hadn’t read all the posts/updates. Glad you’re working things out.

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