(Closed) Bachelorette etiquette question??

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Am I being unreasonable??
    Yes, you (the bride) should pitch in for the costs of the bachelorette party. : (40 votes)
    63 %
    No, your girls should take care of it : (6 votes)
    9 %
    Other (please explain) : (4 votes)
    6 %
    You shouldn't pay but maybe you should suck it up and pay to avoid a fight. : (14 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 3
    6597 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Technically, the other party-goers are supposed to pay; however, Vegas is a BIG bachelorette party as opposed to a night out at the bar.

    I would never expect my girls to pay that much for me for a bachelorette party so I would suck it up and pay your share.

    And as an example my girls took me to NYC for my bachelorette and I still paid my share of the hotel and travel costs.

    Post # 4
    369 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Whose idea was it to go to Vegas?  For me, personally, if it were my idea and I asked my BMs to plan the trip, I’d probably feel guilty not paying for my own way.  BUT if it was their idea to take you to Vegas, then it should be up to them to pay your way.

    That said, I’m a people pleaser, so even if it were their idea, I’d probably still pay to avoid the fight.

    Post # 5
    7695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    How many days are you going for? I dont think they should have to cover for your room for the entire time. I think maybe for one night (like if you have an official night that is your actual going out bachelorette party) but not for the entire time. Im assuming you made the choice or decided you want to go to Vegas so therefore you shouldnt expect for people to cover you for the whole trip. When my husband went to Vegas for his bachelor party he was there for 4 days and had one night that was his official bachelor party night. The other guys paid for his dinner and drinks that night but didnt pay for anything else (room) or any of that for the rest of the time. Thats the way I would think it should be done.

    Post # 6
    659 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    i just got back from there this weekend… BOY WAS IT EVENTFUL! the hotel wanted to send me to the hospital. lol!

    it’s you’re bachelorette party… you’re not suppose to pay for anything anything! my Maid/Matron of Honor made sure of this. but she left early on sunday and when we ate out to a buffet sunday for lunch, i had to pay for it. as far as transporation and hotel and the 2 nights of dinner, the girls all paid for it.

    i was expecting to half everything with everyone, but my Bridesmaid or Best Man said that they are suppose to pay.

    Post # 7
    1131 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    In my circle, we (the friends and BM’s) always pay for the bride’s bachellorette party…. all of it…even if it has been away for a weekend or something. The last one to get married did buy us all a round of shots though 🙂

    Post # 8
    236 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I voted “other” because I think it depends.  As a PP asked, who had the idea to go to Vegas? Did you help with much of the planning (how long, where you’re staying, what you’re doing, etc)?  I am also going to Vegas with my girls, and I helped pick the hotel and threw out other ideas of things I’d love to do.  I am definitely paying for my way to get there, my portion of the hotel (it’s pretty expensive), my show ticket, and my food costs (although they may try to fight me on this one…I feel bad not paying though!).  The one thing I do expect is that most (or all) of my drinks will probably be paid for, and I know they’ll plan some surprise games/activities for us to do while we’re there. 

    I would say that it also depends on how much it is all going to cost.  Yes, it would be nice if they wanted to pay for you, but I also think for something as big as Vegas, you should expect to help with the costs.

    Post # 9
    4371 posts
    Honey bee

    I think the bride should pay her own way if it’s an out of town trip. If it were in town (dinner and bar), then it’s reasonable for the BM’s to chip in and cover the bride. BM’s are already paying a lot of money for the out of town trips, gifts, dress/attire, wedding trip.

    Post # 10
    4336 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I would say it depends on how your BMs are able to pay for it… are you more well-off than them? If so, it would certainly be nice to pay your fair share. Plus, as someone else mentioned, it depends a lot on whose idea it was! 

    Post # 11
    5494 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2011

    We’re doing Vegas for mine as well.  I am paying for my flight and a portion of the room.  I never expected them to cover my portion of the room because that is just too much in my opinion.  Plus I was the one that picked a weekend getaway and a luxury room.

    I do think that the girls will cover your dinner and drinks however as that is customery.

    Post # 12
    659 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    do you have an itenirary for vegas already??

    Post # 13
    2362 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

    We did NOLA for mine and I paid for my hotel and airfare, and some of my meals.  The girls covered some of them, but I felt that they had their own expenses that come with traveling and it wasn’t right to make it more expensive, esp since the trip had been my idea, and it was more costly than some other options.  In other cases, I think it would make sense to cover the bride’s share.

    Post # 14
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    if its an out of town trip i think the bride should pay her own way – i would be uncomfortable (and i think its unfair to others) to have a trip involving flights and accomodation on other peoples dime

    Post # 15
    1569 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1996

    I suggest you just pay for it and be gracious about it. My friends covered the cost of a very nice hotel for my bachelorette party (and all other bachelorette-related expenses except for my flight), but if they had asked me to chip in, I would have done so. Speaking generally, I don’t think it’s ever appropriate to say to someone, “I think you should pay for something for me, instead of me paying for it myself.”  If they have decided not to cover you themselves, it’s only going to inspire a lot of negative feelings if you suggest otherwise. The one exception would be if you’re in a financial position that prevents you from being able to pay.

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