Post # 1
Im really glad that my friends are going out of town this weekend to celebrate with me… but it’s really hard to feel excited and honestly I’m kind of dreading it. There are 8 of us going and six have kids. Every single time we all hang out, it is literally baby talk and birth stories and about placentas and vaginas and breastfeeding non stop. I can’t even stand being around them sometimes. It sucks because these are my friends and I want to be there for them – but dang! There’s no break! I understand that they are in this point in their lives and I’ve been super supportive but they never ask me about the wedding or are willing to talk about anything non baby related so I can join in. It’s so annoying. They asked for suggestions for the bachelorette but literally none of my ideas are in the itinerary. I just think they all got together behind the scenes and decided they’re doing what they want to do and didn’t bother asking me. It also doesn’t help that there’s this girl clique hierarchy where I clearly know my place… and it’s inplicating the planning, the car pooling and even the sleeping arrangement at the house we’re renting. I just don’t know how not to feel massively bummed out. We’re in our 30s, why is this so reminiscent of high school? I’ve struggled with girl cliques my whole life and I’m just massively bummed that this amazing experience is being ruined. How do I snap out of this so I can have a tiny ounce of fun, even though we’re doing nothing I asked to do and it’s probably going to be about babies?
Post # 2
If it’s your bacholorette, why didn’t you just take over the planning. “Girls, I would really love to go away to the vineyards for a weekend and maybe sneak in a spa session….let me know your price range and i’ll find us something!” Remember, you’re the bride, for a lot of this, you SHOULD get to call the final shots. It’s your one time to do it like you want to.
Otherwise, maybe everytime conversation heads into baby territory, remind the girls that it’s your bacholorette and it would be nice if everyone could talk about something that you could at least join in with.
But yes, I get girls and their hierarchy and it sucks, i’ve never understood them and therefore never really knew how to partcipate whenever I accidentally got myself involved in hierarchical friendships. I’ve generally escaped it by not joining in with large girl groups and just hanging out with my female friends one on one or in VERY small groups.
Post # 3
littlemissdimsum : thank you so much. This helps. I think I’ll just suggest things I want to do along the way. Even if only one or two people want to join. I don’t even care anymore. I got into this hard place when my fiancé was inviting some of these girls’ (who are my friends just not super close) husbands to his bachelor party so I invited them to mine. Only to find out that he uninvited them because he didn’t think they’d fit with the group. So now I’m stuck.
I seriously don’t get the hierarchy though. It’s really hurtful. And my fiancé doesn’t get it. Guys just don’t do that. Probably why I’ve never had a lot of girlfriends.
Post # 4
stunnerrunner : Best of luck, I’ve learned to speak up more over the years and to stop letting people walk all over me, used to be terrified of interacting with women, just because of prior bad experiences but not all women stay stuck in high-school phase of cliques…But you won’t know who those are until you reach out.
Also, in general terms, that’s what friendships are made up of, it can’t always be one person (or one side) getting their way, it’s a give and take and this might be a good time to test that boundary and see if some of these women are interested in actually being friends, and those that aren’t well…at least now you know. Also, remind them that this IS your bachelorette’s, ultimately it’s about celebrating you and about the new part of your life that’s about to begin….
Post # 5
that sounds really sucky. yuck, i tend to steer clear of those types of women. is the entire group cliquey like that or are there a few women you get along with who don’t get caught up in all that? could you ask them to accompany you to do a few activities you really want to do? female friendships without the hierarchy are possible…quality over quantity bee 🙂
Post # 6
I feel like I could have written this about some of my friends. I don’t have children and I do not understand why people would want to talk about the awful parts of childbirth at a party. I encountered this a few weeks ago and luckily I could excuse myself once I realised it wasn’t stopping anytime soon! My fiance doesn’t get why this sometimes upsets me but I always say that it’s as bad as them all talking in a different language that I can’t speak. I would never talk at length about something when 1 person is left out. I feel that if they are so desperate to talk about being a mother then share stories about what their kids are up to now. At least I would have a frame of reference. The ironic part of this group of friends is that it usually starts with how glad they are to have a night away from the children!