Bachelorette parties

posted 4 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

You say that this is the norm for your circle but then you also said that some of your friends were experiencing sticker shock, so maybe it’s not the norm for all your friends.   Honestly,  this is why people shouldn’t plan their own bachelorette parties.  You’re planning a party for yourself with other people’s money.  Let someone else plan and then they can plan something that you know they can afford,  because they’re planning it. Also, planning on and actually doing are two separate things.  Everyone might have been on board with the first idea because everyone is usually on board with these things before actual money needs to be spent.  I guarantee you though that there would have been people  who, as the date got closer, would all of a sudden remember that they can’t actually afford it.  So don’t plan this Mexico trip with the rationale that everyone was going to end up spending a lot of money anyway.  I also never have, and never will, spend this kind of money for a bachelorette.   That kind of money is allocated for vacations with my husband.

Post # 32
Member
3740 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

skatergirl :  We flew out of New Orleans since there was a direct flight there. We booked through a local travel agent. Check out cheapcaribbean.com though. They have tons of deals with flights that might be more affordable.

Post # 33
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I would never ask anyone to pay 1200 for a bachelorette- I go on international trips with my friends but those are vacations, not parties dedicated in anyone’s honor. If this is the norm in your friend group of course that would be different, but as you said some of your bridesmaids had sticker shock at the price, so it seems it is not.

While I routinely spend money on vacations, I am always annoyed when I’m invited to an expensive bachelorette (and I generally think anything over 200 dollars before drinks/food is expensive!) as I am paying to fufill someone else’s idea of a good time/instagram picture. If your friends have to fly to you I think a night out in NYC (which you said would run 700-800 each, which is MUCH different than 1200) would be a more considerate option and still a lot of fun. I think a bachelorette shoud be more about celebrating with the people that matter to you and have supported you then an island getaway. Thats what honeymoons are for! 

Post # 34
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

@skatergirl

The only reason I’d pause about attending your bachelorette is the Mexico safety thing/ being worried about drinking the water (no lettuce, so frozen drinks, etc.)

I haven’t lived in my hometown since I was 18. Sure some of my friends from high school went to college at our state school and moved back home, but the vast majority of us went away to school. And away again for graduate school. And live in a new city altogether. So we’ve picked up lifelong friends that live all around the country and the world. 

One of my bridesmaids lives in the same city as me. I fly to bachelorette parties all the time. There’s no way to fly anywhere and spend two nights in a hotel or large enough air bnb for $200. It’s just not feasible. 

If everyone has to fly, you might as well go somewhere fun. Miami? Sedona? Vegas? Austin? Nashville?

If some people can’t afford it or they don’t want to attend, that’s fine. I certainly don’t expect all of my bridesmaids to attend whatever bachelorette party they plan. I don’t expect them to fly in for my shower either. When I asked them to be in my wedding I asked that they come in town for the rehearsal and the wedding. Everything else is completely voluntary. 

Post # 35
Member
2483 posts
Buzzing bee

I just attended a bachelorette party in April in Miami and spent around $1500 and will be going to one in Vegas in September and probably spending about the same.  

if your friends are into it, I like the Mexico idea.  I know a PP talked about safety, but I would assume where you are going is not in any of the areas specified and probably more of the resort towns.  Mexico is always on the list and I have gone down a few times and had a blast and just stayed on the resort.  And you do not have to worry about the water as they all have high capacity water filtration systems.  Eat and drink away!

if you are going to Cancun/Playa/Riveriera Maya are you can probably find a cheaper resort to keep costs down.

*i do agree with posters that you shouldn’t be planning this yourself.  Are any of the girls offering to help?

 

Post # 36
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

As a bridesmaid, I’ve paid about 300-350 for a bachelorette (which included a portion of the bride’s costs) as a guest, I’ve never spent more than 250 and 250 was on a very close friend, normally I’m more around the 150-200$ mark.  I think 1200 is ridiculous and after all the other costs associated to the wedding, I would never feel comfortable asking my bridesmaids and friends to drop that much on me for an event.  I care more about being with my girls, than what we do.

Post # 37
Member
2483 posts
Buzzing bee

I also would like to say that I am older and my circle of friends are more established in our careers and spending money on a girls trip isn’t abnormal for us.  We do it a few times a year anyways, so we’d all be happy to rally for a bachelorette party.

With that said, OP did mention that her friends experienced sticker shock, so maybe it is best to rethink the plans and do something a bit on the less expensive side. 

 

 

 

 

Post # 38
Member
1159 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

My bachelorette party was past weekend. My friends rented a giant house in Portland (we live in Seattle), picked up a bunch of barbecue for dinner and drinks at the house, then we went out on a karaoke party bus to a few different clubs (with the bus picking us up at the house, driving us to each place, then back to the house again). There were, I think, 18 of us (it was a joint bachelorette for both me and Fiance – we’re both women). The next morning, we all stopped and had a lovely brunch on our way out of town.

Total cost per person (not counting drinks bought at the clubs, etc.) was $147.

I personally feel like $1,200 is way too much for a bachelorette party, and would not attend for that reason. I especially wouldn’t expect anyone to pay $1,200 if they already needed to travel to attend. In fact, if I knew people were traveling a long distance to attend my bachelorette, I would make the actual bachelorette party as inexpensive as possible!

Good luck, and I hope you find something that works for everyone!

Post # 39
Member
6451 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

skatergirl :  this is way too high an expectation. If everyone is scattered, the obvious thing to do is come a day or so before the wedding (just one plane ticket total) and have a night out in the city in which the event is taking place. Or, like me, just not hold that completely optional event because it’s completely unnecessary. Destination bachelor/bachelorettes are a ridiculously selfish trend that can’t die soon enough. 

I’d pay 100 or so or decline (depending on how I felt about the bride and chosen activities). 

Post # 41
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

downonmulberry :  Just wanted to contradict your little warning about Mexico. I get that its a federally issued travel warning but for Mexico there is one literally out ALL THE TIME. Darling Husband and I traveled in the middle of a travel warning for our honeymoon and were FINE. Honestly, the OP has more of a chance of being shot, robbed, mobbed, etc, etc in NYC than in Mexico at a resort. *insert eyeroll here* Like seeing these travel warnings just get me every time, your choice for taking it seriously but like I said, you are probably more likely to have something happen to you in your own major city (or nearby) than on vacation in Mexico. 

Anyways – just wanted to chime in that I’ve been to Mexico plenty and it seemed like while I was there I always saw at least one bachelorette party. If you can afford a trip like that go – just please make sure your girls are on board with EVERYTHING associated with it. Excursions, flight times, etc. 

 

Post # 44
Member
7857 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I have spent around $500+ on bach parties before due to the fact that all my closest friends are scattered across the country, so flights are almost always involved. People loooooove to shit on destination bach parties and scream bridezilla on this website, but the truth is you know your circle and what’s normal, so I’d focus more on that than what the bee has to say about it.

Now, if you’d gotten pushback from your friends on the $1200 price tag and came back saying “tough shit this is my party and I deserve it!!!” that would make you a bridezilla, but you’re not doing that at all so I don’t think you deserve any hate here. 

Idk if this will help you but here’s what we did for my bach, which had participants from the west coast, east coast, and in between. We decided to have it in NYC because one girl already lived there and offered to host us at her apt, which saved everyone $$ on accommodation. We then had a nice dinner out and went bar hopping after, followed by a luxurious brunch the next day. I paid for my own flights but the girls insisted on covering me for my meals and stuff. Not sure how much everyone ended up paying but probably $500 at least for those that had to fly in once you factor everything in.

Post # 45
Member
1159 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

skatergirl :  Thank you! It was a BLAST for sure. 🙂 And that clarification makes more sense. Sorry, I must have misread it before! Either way, I do hope you get your bachelorette organized and have so much fun with all your friends!

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