Bachelorette parties

posted 2 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 61
Member
2367 posts
Buzzing bee

missinthecity :  None of the brides have paid for anything except transportation for the bachelorette weekends I’ve been to.  

And I can see how this would be frustrating.  IMO, you still only get one night, even if it’s out of town.  

Post # 62
Member
1153 posts
Bumble bee

Haven’t read all the comments so maybe what I’m about to say have already been said… no one “has to” make a trip anyway. People are perfectly entitled to decide they’re opting out of the bachelorette party because it’s too far away (eg held in the city you live or anywhere else). I didn’t have a bachelorette because my bridesmaid lives in another country. Fiancé didn’t have a bachelor as most of his friends live in another state. We all have a night out with out of town guests (whoever wanted to come) the night before the wedding. That included the bridal party and family and friends. 

We certainly were not making or expecting anyone to make a separate trip to us for yet another party on top of the wedding (party). skatergirl :  

Post # 64
Member
1153 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds like you got it all sorted, with those who can afford and has the time will attend and others will sit out. That way you can be sure people will have a good time because they chose to be there not because it was mandatory 🙂 skatergirl :  

Post # 65
Member
372 posts
Helper bee

skatergirl :  I spend $150 or less. If many of the girls live far away from each other/from the bride, usually they all just come in a day or two earlier before the wedding and have a girl’s night out/in as the bachelorette party. This getaway bachelorette weekend is so extra and overdone. It’s pretty obnoxious for the bride to be planning the bachelorette anyway

Post # 66
Member
11625 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

missinthecity :  “ I would ask each person you’d like to attend what her budget is and go from there (PLEASE don’t ask in a group text).  If they’re all cool with taking a $1200 trip, then one of your girls can definitely plan it!”

I agree with everything else you said but OP really, really shouldn’t be asking anyone about a budget for something in her own honor. And we already know that some of her friends are still struggling grad students and others were taken aback by the proposed cost.

As for the attitude “they don’t have to come” mentioned by the OP and others, what’s more important, the people or the venue?  And again, not to mention the outside and self imposed pressure people feel to attend what many bill as a “once in a lifetime” event rather than a night out with friends. That’s true even if the bride herself doesn’t express it directly, but takes advantage of the sentiment. 

Post # 69
Hostess
3768 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

weddingmaven :  Don’t get me wrong, I agree completely.  I’ve been invited to bachelorettes that were clearly more for instagram than for having a fun night/weekend with your closest friends and I’ve bailed on them (and been told by people who went that they were not very fun).  I keep forgeting that OP is the bride and not the Maid/Matron of Honor.  I agree that bride’s shouldn’t plan their own bachelorettes.  

Post # 70
Member
2928 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I will preface my answer that destination bachelorettes are not common in my circle.  My friend suggested one a few years ago and it was immediately shot down (not to mention I think it’s rude to plan a party in your honor).

We tend to do a spa day combined with dinner and a night out drinking or dancing.  The usual amount we spend is around a few hundred dollars because we generally pick up the tab for the bride.  My friend group is now all early 30s, so we were pretty established in our careers by the time we all got married.  Even though we could afford something more extravagant, we didn’t do it.  I also have issue with others telling me how I have to spend my vacation.

It’s interesting that while I hate destination bachelorettes (and weddings), destination bachelor parties are common with my husband and his friends and don’t seem to get the same amount of hate.  He and his buddies and brothers went to Vegas, which is something they do rather routinely anyway. 

Post # 71
Member
10 posts
Newbee

sunnierdaysahead2 :  This is something that super bothered me reading through this thread! I’m also from NYC and it is super common for the men to go away for an entire weekend. So why are the ladies getting such crap for it?

What we’re doing for me is very similar to this bride, actually. Not everyone could afford to go to Mexico so we are just having two weekends, one in Mexico and the other as a wine tour of Long Island. I think it’s perfectly fine for the bride to be involved–I know I was! I think for most people that are posting here, they might have a group of friends that gets together that for the most part, all know each other. For me, I had gone to high school in a different place than college, then moved to NYC–so I had friends from all over! Being there to facilitate the conversation was helpful.

For us, we just viewed the destination bachelorette as a girls’ trip–it’s pretty common in my circle to take large trips for birthdays, etc. We’re also older and more established, and we really enjoy doing it together. For the bachelorette, some girls from all my stages of life have signed on and I’m super excited for everyone to come together! I say, if you want a destination bachelorette and can afford it, go for it! And don’t let anyone tell you you should or should not be planning it, it’s 2019 and we are all fierce independent ladies who can (and should!) do whatever feels right to us. 

Post # 72
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

It REALLY depends on the stage of life the bridal party is in and their incomes. Statisically, bridesmaids that are single (not married) with no children tend to be willing to spend more on bachelorette parties. Bridesmaids that are married or have families normally would rather spend less on a bachelorette so that they can afford a family vacation or vacation involving their spouse. Even with that, income and what’s going on in someone’s life plays a big part.  

The best thing to do is ask each of your bridesmaids indivually. For my bachelorette, my Maid/Matron of Honor and I came up with a plan and then I privately texted each bridesmaid and told them the plan and roundabout cost and asked if it was okay. It was very important to me that everyone could attend so we made it as reasonable as possible. We chose a location that was a fair drive from everyone, and chose an affordable hotel for 2 nights. So the hotel was $140 a person and then the cost of whatever they wanted to eat or drink. 

Post # 73
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee

skatergirl :  that’s too much. At least independently, people can choose cheaper menu options or other ways to cut costs. All inclusive resorts are not everyone’s favorite. I always get the worst indigestion even at the nicest resorts. I prefer actual restaurants where food is paid for per plate so it’s higher quality. 

Post # 74
Member
589 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

That is asinine. I’ve been on family vacations where I spent less than that.

 

Post # 75
Member
2914 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

skatergirl :  Bee, you’re being way too hard on yourself here. You are not a terrible person! I’ve said it before, but it seems like the majority of people on this site are anti destination bachelorette parties, which is fine, but that doesn’t mean that EVERYONE hates them. You know your friends better than strangers on this site, so I would try to not take all of these comments quite so personally or negatively. 

Since your friends are having to travel in for your wedding, maybe a couple nights before (if they’ll be there early) you could do a girls night out.

Are you having a bridal party?

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