Post # 1
- Wedding: May 2019 - Country/barn
How do you feel about them? Whether it’s an over the top party or just a low key evening. Would you be sad/upset if your girls didn’t plan anything? Or do you think planning the bachelorette party is the brides duty if she wants one?
Post # 2
I definitely don’t think a bride should plan one…. it’s a party in her honor so it would be rude. I had a relatively low key evening and it was a blast. I’m not a fan of the “last penis forever” “last chance to party/be single” style party.
Post # 3
xraychick01 : I love them! I do believe that they should be one night and local though, unless it’s an immediate group of best friends who all agree to do a destination bachelorette.
I do think it’s the bridesmaids responsibilities to plan, though in my circles the guests usually pay their own way. It’s an unpopular opinion here but I do think accepting to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man means you are accepting to plan this party. If money is a concern it can absolutely be a low key affair. The ones I’ve been to have been really varied, everything from nights in the city to days at wineries, to an afternoon at someones house. They were all fun!
Post # 4
xraychick01 : Honestly I think it’s a waste of money (bachelor parties too) and was totally uninterested. In particular these days they seem to be getting really out of hand while everyone tries to one-up each other on social media. What a money sink. I’d have been happy to do a sleepover or something, but even that was completely unnecessary to me. I guess if I want to do girls’ day I don’t need a wedding to justify it. I do wish I had a shower though, because I’m a greedy little beggar, lol. Unfortunately my entire friend/family group lived wayyy too far away for that to be at all feasible.
And I do think it’s the responsibility of the bridesmaids if anyone. If they don’t want to or can’t afford to, they shouldn’t feel obligated.
Post # 5
They’re a fun excuse to have a ladies night out, but that’s about it to me.
I don’t like the idea of multi day affairs or anything that’s likely to run guests hundreds of dollars though.
Post # 6
I didn’t do one, I think to each their own but I didn’t see a need for one. The weekend before my wedding my family had a big BBQ for me and my very best friend was there and that was good enough for me! 🙂
Post # 7
So I love attending bachelorette parties, but hate planning them. I think the best thing to do when planning is be very upfront about the budget and then not be offended if people can’t go. My very well off friend had a bachelorette at a 5 star boutique hotel in Mexico about 10+ hr flight from me. While it sounded amazing it was totally out of the question for me to attend. However the planners were super upfront about costs and location, so I was able to decline far in advance, no hard feelings.
I think bridesmaids should be involved in the planning but the bride needs to compromise. If she wants everyone there, she has to cater to the lowest budget. if she wants her dream bachlorette, then be okay with some declines.
Post # 8
I have never been to one and I didn’t have one. I’m on my upper 40’s and I don’t think they really were a thing when I was in my 20’s and a lot of my friends were getting married.
Post # 9
- Wedding: February 2018 - UK
I’ve never liked them at all. You often hear people here calling it the “last night of freedom”, or “last night of being single”, both of which rub me the wrong way. I absolutely know that most people don’t think that, it’s just what I grew up hearing and seeing on TV, and it left a bad taste in my mouth. I can’t even give you a real logical explanation, I just absolutely hate them and dread getting invited to them.
I generally don’t go on them, unless they’re for someone I’m really close to, and I wouldn’t go to a destination one for anyone. I told my friends as soon as I got engaged that I absolutely didn’t want one. I got lots of backlash – I told them that if they wanted a girls night out I was happy to do that any time, but it wouldn’t be a hen party. I eventually agreed to going to an afternoon tea with 5 of them, mostly to shut them up!
My husband feels the same about stag parties, so it was never an issue. He doesn’t drink and his friend group don’t do big nights out anyway. He just went out for dinner with his best woman and a couple of friends.
Post # 10
I love hen parties. In the uk they are much more relaxed and it is normal for some brides to an their own or plan it with their friends. Things are much more low key in the sense that a hen isn’t something “thrown in your honour” it’s just a get together.
Post # 11
Sure, I’d like one. As long as it’s a one night event and in town. I don’t like those multiple day, destination ones. I think they’re over the top. xraychick01 :
Post # 12
My hens party was a classy afternoon tea in my Mother-In-Law garden. We had a marquee, champagne & delicious food.
Then I went out for a fancy dinner with my bridesmaids. It was a wonderful day.
Post # 13
zzar45 : same as in New Zealand. Definitely not an honour thing and I was keen to throw my own but my bridesmaids wouldn’t let me.
Post # 14
There are strong regional and cultural differences on this. Almost nobody I knew had them, or I’d they did it was something like brunch, or hanging out at a friends apartment —- something more low key than other events we do regularly. Also, in my region/demographic it is pretty much always organized by the bride (most people don’t expect their bridal party to do anything other than show up at the wedding, if they have a bridal party at all—-most don’t really).
Ofcourse, if everyone you know does big bashes and expects the bridal party to organize and pay for it, you probably think that is normal and other ways of dong it are rude. Conversely because of my experience, I think expecting people to organize and pay for a big party for you is rude.
Basically all this stuff is made up local culture and you have to decide which cultural practices you really endorse and which don’t grow out of values you like to promote.
Post # 15
From what I understand, whether a bride may throw one for herself or not varies based on geography.
Here in the UK it is traditional for the maid of honour to plan it (often alongside others such as bridesmaids or the bride’s mum), however it is completely acceptable for the bride to have as much or as little input as she wants. It’s also fine for her to plan it herself.
I don’t have a maid of honour so I was planning on organising my own hen do, however 3 of my bridesmaids wouldn’t hear of it and have insisted on planning it for me. I am having some input into aspects of it.
My hen do is a weekend away, it is going to be a chilled one with no crazy drinking or partying, as that is just not me. I set a maximum per person budget for the weekend, which I decided based on what I knew my circle would be able to afford, and have told the girls organising it to strictly stay within that. All my invitees were told the maximum cost of the weekend before being asked to commit, and 2 have since asked to come for the main day on the Saturday as they don’t fancy the whole weekend, which is absolutely fine with me.
I went to a weekend away hen do earlier in the year and I didn’t enjoy it. It was VERY expensive, the food was poor (in quality and quantity, and in terms of catering for dietary requirements), the activities were (in my opinion) tacky and gross, all centered around inflatable willies and doing shots and trying to embarrass people. I just hated it. So mine is going to very relaxed, I want people to leave feeling like they’ve had a proper weekend break, that their banks haven’t been broken and that they’ve had quality time with each other.
I’m very excited. I don’t know too much about it yet but I know it’s Friday night – Sunday afternoon. On the Friday night we are going to have pizzas, drinks and just all hang out and catch up. I wanted it to be low key so that people don’t feel like they need to take time off work to get there early. Saturday daytime is going to be a surprise organised by the 3 bridesmaids, but I am going to wake up early and make breakfast for everyone to thank them for coming. Saturday night dinner is going to be catered, with a company coming in to cook a 3 course meal. We then may do a silent disco that night, as I found out hiring all of the stuff for that is very affordable. On Sunday morning we will lie in and have brunch together, and then checkout of the Airbnb (it’s a huge house in the countryside) isn’t till later in the day, so people can just chill and leave as and when they want. I think it’s hopefully gonna be lovely!