(Closed) bachelorette parties and strippers

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

 I think she’ll probably be hurt and won’t understand. I wouldn’t consider going to a strip club cheating nor my husband think the same. We both understand it’s all fake and just for fun. It’s not like it’s done everyday, it’s a one night thing. Why not you throw the shower as your friend wants and you also allow your boyfriend to go to the male party. You’ll see it’s not big deal.

Post # 4
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

This is a tricky one! Given that your friends sound perfectly comfortable with strippers, I imagine it would be very difficult for them to accept that you and your SO regard going to a strip club as cheating (personally, I don’t understand how seeing a naked person is cheating, but you and your relationship is obviously different).

Perhaps continue organising the bachelorette party as you normally would, but leave the strippers for last. That way you can head home as they move on to the strippers, without worrying about “cheating”. The only issue might be the bride and your friends trying to pressure you into staying with them, but as long as you’re firm in it, you should be fine. Perhaps ask your SO to pick you up at a designated time in the evening?

Post # 5
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I believe every relationship is different.  I would be uncomfortable being in a strip club.  Other people have no problem with it.  Ultimately, it is your decision to walk through those doors.  Nobody can make that decision for you.  If you decline, that should be end of story.  Nobody should be pressuring someone to do something that they are not comfortable with.  It would be a shame if you planned this bachelorette party and it ended up you going back to the hotel by yourself because they all went to the strip club.

 

I think you should have a discussion with the bride about how you feel and go from there.

Post # 6
Member
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would plan it for the WAY end of the night, and just head home/back to the hotel when they go to the strip club!

Post # 7
Member
4656 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@BrandNewBride:  This is how I handle planning nights out fairly often with wilder folks than I and it works brilliantly. You make sure the thing you don’t want to do is last thing on the agenda, then you beg off at the end. Nobody faults you because you were there for most of it, and everyone’s happy.

Post # 8
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

You have to honor your relationship. Just because she is getting married doesn’t mean you need to cross boundaries in your relationship. Ask if she is willing to have fun at a place other than a strip club. If she isn’t, plan a night for her and go home when they hit the strip club.

Post # 9
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I also am really against strip clubs and although I don’t see it as cheating, I do see it as BAD as cheating. My Fiance knows that, and I have told him time and time again that I do not want him to have strippers (he said he doesn’t even want them, but I know his friends…). Anyway, I agree with another bee, plan it for the end of the night and you can just go home. My Maid/Matron of Honor does not agree with my view of strippers either, but I know she will not try and force me into going to a club. But she doesn’t agree with me, and if your Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t agree either (which it sounds like she won’t) I don’t think throwing your personal morals out the door, if even for one “special occasion” night is worth it.

Post # 10
Member
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@carolinabelle:  Your relationship with your SO (and your own personal beliefts) trumps your friendship with the bride. I would just be honest, “Sorry but I want nothing to do with strippers. If you want it to have strippers then that’s ok, but you’ll need to ask someone else to organise it because I won’t be there”

Also if she’s your best friend, surely she knows what you’re like and must have been half expecting this response. Do not be swayed by any “last single night” rubbish, you need to be at peace with your own values.

Post # 11
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think that conversations should be had with both the bride and you SO. You should definitely explain your discomfort with the bride, and explain to your SO what she might be expecting as a bachelorette party, and discuss it with him. I think that if you explain it the right way, your friend will understand that you’re just not into it, and feel it will damage your relationship. If she’s your best friend, she should understand. Maybe feel disappointed, but in the end, she should understand. 

Post # 12
Member
516 posts
Busy bee

I agree with everyone who suggests that you plan a night with various fun activities, add the strip club/stripper to the end of the night, and bail right before then.

I do NOT think that you should have a sit-down with the bride over this.  All she wants is a fun night out, and it’s all a part of her experience as a bride, and she shouldn’t have to deal with a deep conversation about your reservations and relationship boundaries. I also think that you should still plan it, as you are the Maid/Matron of Honor.

If she’s a reasonable friend and bride, all you’ll have to say is “I’m in for most of the night, but I’m not going to the strip club because SO and I aren’t comfortable with it.  I hope that doesn’t bother you too much, and I’m still really looking forward to the party!”

Then entertain no more conversation about it.

Post # 13
Member
9114 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

This is a sticky situation. I’m pretty sure the bride wouldn’t understand your viewpoint as it’s pretty much a “wide acceptance” (Your mileage may vary) that strippers aren’t cheating. But, you’re entitled to the way you feel and if that’s how you feel, no one can hold that against you.

I would tell her straight up that if a strip club is a part of the deal you will be unable to make it. If she asks, you can say that it has to do with you being uncomfortable in the situation.

She’s probably going to try to pressure you into it, but if this is something you’re really against you need to stand your ground.

She has the right to go where she wants on her bachelorette party, but you also have the right to not be put into a situation where you’re uncomfortable.

Post # 14
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@LALaw:  100% this.  I think a sit down with the bride over your values is unnecessary and would make everything a much bigger deal than it has to be. 

I agree with everyone else who said that you can still organize the party, but make sure the strip club is the very last event of the night so that you can leave.  Definitely  tell the bride ahead of time that you wont be going to the strip club so that she is aware, but emphasize how excited you are about the party.  I think if you dont make it a big deal that you aren’t going to the strip club, others wont make it a big deal either. 

Post # 15
Member
8444 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@carolinabelle:  Instead of just strippers why not go to a cabaret/burlesque show?  It’s still fun and rowdy, but in a much classier way.  One of my friends did this for her bachelorette party, and it was a great time for everyone.

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