Post # 16
zzar45 : OP posted this in etiquette and I gave her the etiquette answer, which hasn’t changed on the topic of self celebrating parties. Sure you can provide a guest list but the involvement the Maid/Matron of Honor wanted crossed the line from informing to actively planning and recruiting.
Bachelorettes and bachelor parties themselves are not even officially “recognized” by etiquette, but obviously that doesn’t mean people don’t do them. I have no issue with a local night out with friends. But frankly, I wish the over the top destination bachelorettes would disappear.
If you think that makes me rigid, that’s your prerogative. I keep my opinions to myself when it counts. But I would personally not involve myself to this level in the OP’s place.
Post # 17
zzar45 : This exactly.
I view it this way. If you threw a dinner party and your friend didn’t know the other 20 people in the room who are your friends, you wouldn’t greet the lone friend at the door and say “ok, the people inside are named Bill, Bob, Mary, Sue, Jane, John, Jill, Steve, and Mike…get in there and have at it.” You would demonstrate a little bit of social grace and tact and provide introductions. “Penny, this is my friend Sue. We met back in college when we got paired off together in chem lab. Sue, this is Penny. She’s been my best bud since summer camp and now we work together at Chem Corp.”
Likewise, I never give out the contact information of people without checking with them first or giving them a heads up because it really isn’t my info to give. If I wanted someone to have my phone number, I would have given it to them, so if my friends are passing around my contact info I want to know about it ahead of time and for what purpose. I give them that same courtesy. If not permission, at least a heads up. “Heads up. My friend Jane has offered to throw a party for x occasion and would like her to invite you. I passed along your contact info to her and she’ll be in touch” Cold calling sucks.
Just because you are the guest of honor at a party someone is hosting for you doesn’t absolve you from just generally having decent social skills and properly introducing people you want to get together. Being a generally decent person who facilitates the meeting of people isn’t the same thing as planning your own bachelorette party
However, if doing that just seems that unacceptable to you or you just dont like how the planning is shaping up, you are free to decline the person’s very generous offer to host a party for you. That is always an option. No one is ever forced to have a party they don’t want.